This post is brought to you by the Blu-ray, DVD and Digital release of I Don’t Know How She Does It
My son will be eleven the day after tomorrow.
Eleven is great. Young enough to be sleepless with excitement at the thought of a new bike. Old enough to ride it without a parent running alongside it.
It’s a funny time though – a grey period, where birthday procedure isn’t clear. Before eleven, it was de riguer to take a sweet treat to school to mark the passage of another year. This could be a large cake, a box of cupcakes, or if you were (quite literally) the cool kid, you brought Paddle Pops. The Paddle Pop scenario could only be achieved if your family was a favourite of the school secretary, who policed staff-room freezer space like a bouncer at The Birdcage on cup day.
Thankfully, that’s behind us, but it still seemed weird to send my birthday boy off to school with nothing. ‘No,’ he assured me last week, ‘We don’t do that any more. It’s a little kid thing.
But predictably, today, two days before the event he said nonchalantly, ‘You know, Miss D said that some cakes would be good. But only if it’s no trouble.’
It wouldn’t be any trouble because I was planning, as always, to use a packet mix.
‘No worries, love,’ I said, channelling my inner Julie Goodwin. I might even have winked. ‘How many boys in your class again? I’ll whip up some cupcakes.’
‘Twenty eight,’ replied Ben, ‘And Mum, Betty Crocker is heaps better than Green’s.’
Win a DVD of the movie and a bottle of Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker
It felt like the bowl of batter was poured over my head. I’d never truly believed I was fooling anyone with my late-night baking, but surely my own son could have maintained the charade?
What are your secrets to successful faking it? Do you bodgie up shop-bought cakes like Sarah Jessica Parker’s character in I Don’t Know How She Does It? Or do you leave a handbag by your desk at work to give the impression you’re still there at 9pm?
Share your secrets here and you could win one of ten I Don’t Know How She Does It prize packs, each with a 100ml bottle of Lovely, by Sarah Jessica Parker and a DVD of the movie. The 10 comments with the most thumbs up will win! This competition closes on Wednesday the 14th March at 5pm AEST.
This post is sponsored by Roadshow Entertainment. Comments on this post are just for this post. If you want to talk about the IDEA of sponsored posts or the choice of advertisers please click here. We will be reading all those comments too for feedback.
What are your secrets to successful faking it?
Comments
174 Comments so far
I suffered a cardiac arrest during my daughters delivery, and as a consequence PTSD. I got up every day and got dressed, did my hair and make up and put a smile on my face…….I definately have more good days than bad now, but faking it helped hugely in getting to this stage
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YAY! thank you Mamamia and voters!
cannot wait to watch it.
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When do you announce the winners?
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Dear Mum, remember when I finally got my own room and we were moving the bunk beds? Remember the hole in the wall that we simply couldn’t figure out how it got there? I did it. Not in anger, of course. My style is much clumsier. See, my friend and I thought it would be funny to put the cat on the top bunk and give the bed a gentle bounce from underneath, making the cat jump off. Haha, right? Well, mum, we kicked a bit hard. So hard that the top bunk bed fell on us. And put a hole in the wall. I’m sorry. I couldn’t tell you 25 years ago. The embarrassment of waiting until my sister got home and summoned the neighbourhood kids to lift the bed off us was too great.
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When it comes to my husbands best friend’s wife I totally fake it. She’s a nasty piece of work through and through, most recently she promised our son a day swimming in their pool then proceeded to invite her friends over for drinks, didn’t let us know and totally disappointing our son. He was gutted for days
I just can’t fake it though when it comes to ‘bargains of the century’ or how I won’t and don’t ever pay full price for clothes!
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I fake it everyday… Fake smile at school, make up done to make it look like a give a crap, I fake that I lOve my job that I’m in control of my twin boys. I fake loving being a single mother lol not sure if it’s working though…
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I never really got into the whole cakes to school thing. In my daughters first year of school I bought donuts for her to take. After that if she wanted cupcakes she had to make them herself. Yea I know I am mean.
But it did work to my advantage. When my son started kindy my daughter made him cupcakes to take.
I have bought dips and put them in my own bowls so it looks like I have made them. I have iced bought cakes so it looks like I have made them. I really love those icing pictures you can buy from the store that you just stick on the cake.
I remember running late once for my kids party, I stopped by a supermarket, bought the cake and the icing picture and stuck it on at the party (at a bowling alley) while the kids were distracted bowling.
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I’ve been in a management role now for three years and I can confidently tell you that I think I do a mighty fine job now. But when I first stepped into this role I had no idea what I was doing.
I read an article a little whilst after getting the job asking me to do a quiz that would determine if I had “Imposters Syndrome” in my career. It asked questions like:
Do you constantly worry that your boss is going to find out that you are not as good as they think you are?
At times do you feel like a fraud?
Do you think that you got your promotion because of luck?
Ummmm Tick, tick and tick all the way to the bottom of the survey.
I was running a state service for very smart health professionals that spoke in what I describe as a different language. Peppered with acronyms and abbreviations that I finally learnt by using them to make up versions of very bad rap songs or broadway numbers. My “customers” worked on making people’s bodies better for a living and my own anatomy knowledge came from the preschool ditty “my knee bone’s connected to my ankle bone….”
In the end I just found that honesty was the best policy and I just fessed up that I had no idea what they were talking about but that I would make it my job to learn if they would step me through things slowly…..and if they could do it bustin’ out some dance moves or make it sound like a show tune, even better!
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I’m about to fake it… I can think of nothing worse than going to a mothers group… But I have moved to a new city and know hardly anyone. So I’ve dressed up a sponge cake from woolies straightened my hair but on my best outfit… because I don’t think that they would appreciate seeing me in my ahh bra and apple catcher undies… My neighbor is going with me… I promised her that when she arrives I will have a top and pants on as I often am scrounging around for clothes… Oh and I have aspergers so I don’t like a change in my day so I am constantly wearing a mask and living in some kind of bubble pretending to be normal…
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Kelly, I feel for you. I went to a few mothers group and felt so inadequate most of the time because everyone elses baby were doing what they were supposed to do.
I never felt like I measured up.
So one day I went to a coffee shop in the morning instead of mothers group and I met another women avoiding the same things…… we’ve been great friends ever since. Our babies are now 16yrs old.
Advice – its great to go and meet like minded people, but dont buy into their “stories” of how great they’re doing. The reality is we’re all faking it.
I really admire that even with your Aspergers, you are managing to get out and do something different. xx
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Fake feeling fab when feeling drab, a touch of bronzer on the cheeks and some coral gloss anyone would think your a million bucks. Also short on time for a BBQ grab a pre made salad pop it in your own bowel add some exta seasoning and a garnish and there you have it home made
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Not sure what SJP did but my son’s birthday was a few weeks ago and I learnt the hard way why you shouldn’t have a Saturday party when you work full time.
After burning 2 cakes, I sent my partner to Woolworths at 10pm to buy 2 mud cakes and then I iced them with store bought icing (last year the icing went green). Kids didn’t care and I was asked for the recipe…
Next year the kid’s going to get a donut cake. LOL
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I fake it nearly every day by wearing (no longer available) Bonds brand singlets that just seem to hold the ‘wobbly bits’ in place. People constantly ask “have you lost weight?” No; I’ve just tamed my fat bits for a little while!
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I throw on clothes that look respectable for kindy drop off come home take them off and put on a ‘house dress’ or something unrespectable. and do the swop again for pick up- this after my first experience of drop off (big sun hat trackies baby on my back and birkenstocks ) i looked around and realised i was doing it wrong. You are not allowed wear that
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I’ve been doing that for years ! just remember to rotate the outfits so you don’t get caught wearing the same thing 2 days in a row.
the things we do to fit in
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I would change the setting of an email so it wouldn’t send until after a certain time giving the impression I was working either really early or really late.
And I have bought premade sponge but decorated it myself for that homemade look. Worked for my engagement cake 6 years ago.
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I remember when my daughter turned 4 and she needed to take cake for ‘tea’ at Nursery (we were living in th UK at the time!) I baked a Betty Crocker and iced it myself. I got so much praise for it and I fobbed it off as my Aunty Betty’s coveted secret recipe honestly thinking they’d cotton on it was a packet mix! I spent the next year side tracking people hounding me for the recipe!! The hole I dug just got deeper and deeper!! Thank goodness we moved!
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I got married just under a month ago & my husband & I had secret dance lessons in the hope that we could have a decent first dance. We had a dance choreographed and, knowing how hopeless I am at learning & remembering dance steps (you should see me trying to Zumba :-/), my motto was ‘fake it ’til you make it’. We actually did quite well and had the dance learnt after three lessons, but didn’t get a chance to practice in the hectic few days before the wedding. As we walked to the dance floor on our wedding night I said to my new husband, as I had said in our lessons, “Don’t worry, if we forget the steps we’ll just ‘fake it ’til we make it’ & no one will know but us”. Sure enough, near the end of the dance routine, we both forgot what was next my husband whispered “Let’s just do another spin!”, which we did and then we went into the final part of the choreographed routine. And I was right, no-one knew but us (until now). When our MC introduced our bridal waltz he had said that a husband & wife’s first dance is their first cooperative endeavor and can symbolise how the couple function together. If that’s the case, even though it wasn’t perfect, I think we did well to work together to successfully ‘fake it ’til we made it’
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The thing that gets me through the day when the husband is really pissing me off by just watching all that I do…… clean my toenails with his toothbrush. He never kisses me anyway.
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i don’t know what i hope for for, that you are only joking or that your husband is so horrible that he actually deserves that..
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Hmmm- where do I start?!! Aldi $5 flowers wrapped for gifts in “real” looking florist-type paper, Indian store-bought lentil Dahl that I serve in a small casserole dish after microwaving for 2 minutes, plain bucket sun hat bought for a few dollars at the local camping store rather than the school uniform shop that charges around $20, my own “kezzachinos” where I shake the milk in the carton to froth it up and sprinkle hot chocolate powder on top rather than using a proper machine and last but not least my home-style French manicure where I try to “fake” a real looking salon manicure oh and did I mention my lash extensions!!!!
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So I wore a new dress the other day that got my lots of compliments (including one from my husband – wow!)
My secret? It’s a skirt which I liked in the store, tried on & discovered the colour was great, but it had an elastic waist which was terrible. Shattered. As I was taking it off, I discovered if I hitch it up, it makes a gorgeous strapless dress! The belt even doubles as an accessorised bit around the bust. Perfect!
And the best bit? Only $12 on a chuck out… WIN!
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My mother has been faking the home baked for at least 40 years. packet cake -home baked, purchased form a bakery – home baked. Jar of spaghetti sauce- home made. Dump a can of Betty Crocker frosting on a frozen Sara Lee cake? Yes she will claim home made!
Everyone knows exactly where every dish my mother makes comes from and she still will not admit to buying convenience foods.
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I keep my fear a secret. I keep my secret fear that my son will one day hate me for being so young even though I have done everything I can.
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Bloody hell, I’ve faked a whole relationship!
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I fake my generousity. With competition entering my favourite form of ‘de-stressing’, I often end up winning funny little things like movie tickets, mens watches, makeup that I don’t need/or interested in. So my relatives and family get a surprise treat that they think are great, but only because I’ve been fortunate to win – is this bad?.
.
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I joined a parents group a few years back and quickly found that the rest of the mother’s were better educated than me, thinner, better off and all had lovely homes. They are also all very nice and genuine people.
In the days leading up to our get together I read the news sites voraciously so that I have something to talk about and throw a witty observation in now and again. I make sure that my son is in his best clothes (designer brand hand me downs) and that my hair and make up are always done – even though I do my own colour and my husband cuts my hair. I have never told them just how low down on the totem pole I am compared to them and that we live pay day to pay day.
I’m sure it wouldn’t matter to them but just for a few hours I like to pretend I live the life I’ve always wanted!
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Here’s me being Ms Cheap from Cheap St, Cheapsville.
I love sample cosmetics at department stores… Creams, perfumes, even sample sized lipsticks and mascaras.
From my experience, Cosmetic sales-people are very generous with them, if you look the part and are nice to them.
They last a long time… so I rarely have to buy them.
I’m sorry, salespeople… I am very, very grateful though!!!
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When I have guests for morning or afternoon tea I visit the local patisserie & pass the amazingly delicious, & way beyond my abilities, pastries as my own.
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….meant to say ‘fess up that it ISN’T real’!
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I have a fake diamond wedding ring from Sshhh Secrets. It is huge (would cost probably $25K+ if real) and I get so many oohhs and ahhs from people. It looks amazing, just like the real thing in my opinion. Sometimes I can’t help myself so I fess up that it is real. Just don’t ask me what the ‘carat’ is otherwise I mumble something vague cause I have no idea what it would be if it WERE real. I love my fake diamond! And it only cost $500!
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I have the same, but mine isn’t as big and if people ask, I’m generally happy to tell them it’s a fake. It’s what I wanted, so why should I be made to feel bad about not buying into the whole ‘the bigger it is the more he loves you’ thing!
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Wow that is a great idea!
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Don’t laugh at this cheapskate idea, but I’ve found that a bit of strategically applied colour-matched texta on scuffed bits makes your ballet flats last just a little longer ….
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LOL, you are talking about my kitchen lino there!!
My hubby and his Dad managed to put plenty of (white) slices through our dark coloured kitchen lino when we got a new fridge – they didn’t lift it well enough and shredded our kitchen floor as they were moving it around. The sliced up bits were from a cm or to, up to about 8cm I guess. After gasping at the price of replacing the flooring I got down there with my trusty black texta and filled in the gaps. You can hardly tell unless you are looking for it!
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My bestie and I are both stay at home mums. We hated the ‘oh, so you don’t work comments’ so we invented a fictitious marketing company. We tell people that we market and promote ‘products’.
We keep it pretty vague and say things like ‘let’s not talk shop’ to avoid too many questions. I even use the name as my email address which looks great on any forms that need to be filled out.
We use the company as an excuse to have meetings (lunch at the pub) and the annual Christmas Party (big night out).
Oh, the name of this booming business ?
KLDW Marketing. (Kath and Lou don’t work). It’s the best job I’ve ever had
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I do work in Marketing, and above is what we actually do all day, so don’t worry your jig will never be up
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bravo ladies!
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Simply brilliant!
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This is pure gold!! What a brilliant level of initiative!!! You win in my books!!
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I fake being a full on yogi to my children.. My ex partner behaved appallingly to me throughout my marriage and now continues to put himself first to have a bigger than ever life… Big job, big hobbies, young girfriend etc Rather than burst my childrens bubble about how great their dad is get a small giggle from over estimating the times I am at yoga rather than the reality of being at home doing the mundane. I know that they boast my yoga prowess when they are with him.. Simple pleasures I know but it gets me through
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When I was first out of uni and hated my job with a passion I always had a “stunt” handbag and jacket on the back of my chair so I could sneak out during the day and people would think I was still in the office.
I also had a “stunt” file that I took with me as I was leaving the office, pretending I was off to a meeting, but usually heading to the shops or out for a coffee.
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That is nothing short of genius. I applaud you!!
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Brilliant! I would have loved to have seen that!
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Hi Gin & Tonic,
Could you please send me an email at info@mamamia.com.au so that I can get your email address? You’ve won one of the prize packs but I have no way of getting your address, unfortunately! Please get back to me before COB today otherwise we may have to redraw.
Thanks millions,
Nat
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That Iike cricket ….no sorry can’t do that…
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I leave my (clean) gym clothes on the floor, and pretend that I’ve been working out, so I can justify eating chocolate and even owning a gym membership to my roommate who happens to be a personal trainer.
Win!
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I used to have a subscription to the Financial Times to carry around “Confessions of a Shopaholic” style
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Ha! Love this! I buy books that I know I will probably never read, but look smart on my shelf- latest is a complied works of Gertrude Stein- and couldn’t make it through the introduction. Also yet to start the Great Gasby.
Have also been known to pour bleach in the toilet and flush to make it look and smell clean.
And have also faked a husband/boyfriend to creeps….. have his identity down pact now- his name is Jason, we’ve been together for eight months, he’s a medical student and hopes to specialise in immunology, and we met at a friend’s BBQ. Convincing?!
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I fake boobs with chicken fillets in my bra.
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What happens on a hot day?
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LOL Shane they aren’t REAL chicken fillets, the fillets are faked as well!!
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Just a little off topic, but wanted to say that the novel “I don’t know how she does it” (by Alison Pearse) was brilliant, set in England and IMO far superior to the film. It opens with the mother bashing M & S’s mince pies so that they look homemade.
But with Women’s Day today we should be looking to ensure that women have the same priveleges and opporurtunities as men.
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I’ve faked it at job interviews:
“yes I have experience with that type of switchboard!’
(never even heard of that brand)
‘yes, I can write 100wpm shorthand and type at warp speed’
(typing about 80wpm- shorthand – well havent done it since TAFE in 1985)
‘I left my other job because it didn’t provide enough challenges’
(I was bored out of my mind and fell asleep at my desk)
And….I got the job.
AND FINALLY…..to my relative in the USA
‘I’ll drive from LA to San Diego after a 15 hour flight – no problem at all’
(having never driven in the USA or on the left in any country. Ever)
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I fake orgasms! And it doesn’t bother me.
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I fake being interested in One Direction (UK teen boy band).
It’s the only topic of conversation my 13 year old daughter enjoys at the moment and I want to maintain a good relationship with her….
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Cover any packet mix mud cake or choc cup cakes – or a plain bought mud cake – with a sensational, easy-peasy thick chocolate ganache for a million dollar makeover. It’s easier to make than butter icing and everyone loves it.
Make your ganache BEFORE you make your mud cake, so it cools down and thickens up and saves you faffing about afterwards.
1. Bring one cup of thickened cream to the boil. Just as it starts to bubble, pour it over one cup dark chocolate buttons.
2. Stir well with a metal spoon until it is thick and glossy.
3. Leave it at room temperature to cool and thicken for 30 minutes
4. Spread with a large butter or palate knife dipped in hot water (makes it easy to spread). Add birthday candles. Accept compliments graciously. Done.
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You say before you make the mud cake? Or in my case remove the paper from the bottom of the woollies version…
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Take one woolies mudcake, dust with icing sugar and serve warm with fresh berries and ice cream…so good…so faked
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“What are your secrets to successful faking it?”
I can’t do it – although maybe that’s because I don’t have kids, so less need for it.
I can’t even ‘clothes fake’. I have a lovely red trenchcoat, and if people comment on it (which they often do), I can’t stop myself saying, “Target – half-price!”
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Ohhh, me too, Lulu – I can’t resist sharing my bargains, and I’ve had some great ones for jewellery and work dresses. I do hunt them out though, so I’m very proud of my hard work sometimes!
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sorry, but nothing ever beats home-baked! i’ve been trying to convince my friends for years homemade is better. and in fact, im currently making a batch of alphabet cookies for my kids! the delusion that it is time-comsuming is ridiculous. last night i made chocolate chip cookies, from scratch, baked and mixed in less than thirty minutes. i don’t understand “cheating”
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Oh Sweet Jaysus. An article on baking cupcakes. On International Women’s Day no less. Oh bravo! Wave the flag Mamma Mia!!
*sigh*
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Arent you bored of being a dick yet?
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You’re right. Maybe I should bake some cupcakes to relieve the boredom.
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Do we really measure ourselves by our baking skills anymore? Really? This is so Stepford Wives.
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I would think that having a dig at people for baking cupcakes is worse. Get off your high horse!!
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When I was small I didn’t know that cakes could be made from scratch; I thought that they came either from a cake shop or out of a packet. And, for me, the one from the shop was more special.
No my Mum doesn’t like baking, LOL.
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I know a girl who only recently made her first batch of cupcakes from scratch – she is a university lecturer in Biochemistry in her thirties!
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She’s one ahead of me then, and I’m in my forties! Although I do make agreat loaf of gluten-free bread.
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do share your recipe, would love a decent gf loaf
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It’s based on Jody Vassallo’s book and is for a machine.
1/3 cup oil, 3 eggs, 1 tsp vinegar, 450ml warm water, 670g GF plain flour blend, 1 tbsp xanthan gum, 2 tbsp sugar, 1 1/2 tsp salt, 2 1/2 tsp dried yeast. Optional: 50-100grams whatever blend of seeds & nuts you can think of.
Mix wet ingredients together, sift dry ingredients together. Pour wet ingredients into machine and dry ingredients on top of that, and nuts. Scrape sides down during mix cycle. At end of mix cycle, tip dough onto spray-oiled baking paper, remove paddle thingy, and return dough to pan. Pat down into corners using spray-oiled hands.
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Please, please, please!
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See above
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Omg I’m the queen of cheating. Packet cakes, using 2 eggs and milk instead of one and water, and buttercream icing slapped on it. Bought slices from Woolies cut smaller and taken into work. Designer shoes – from Ebay. Hairdresser cuts my hair at home – uber cheap and I colour it myself. Run out of milk – kids never know its water in the porridge. Can make Moccona Rich coffee just strong enough that it tastes like fresh. Handful of extra cheese and olives on a Papa Guiseppes in a box pizza – homemade! One good bottle of wine then topping up with the 9 buck bottle when thats gone. Stuff on the stove I can’t be arsed washing – it goes into the oven! Big arse bugger all waist – Spanx! Can’t be buggered shaving my legs – pull out the fishnets. Really should change the sheets – spray ‘em with lavender linen water. I meet people at the local cafe when my house is a tip and tell them i’ve just had the house sprayed for pests/carpets shampooed. I’m domestically retarded, but I make other people’s houses look amazing.
I’m so going to hell, but I’d like a window seat.
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Love this! Be proud
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Thanks Haven Maven… you made me laugh. You are my kind of person.
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Frantically scribbling down Haven Maven’s tips…
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Hang on a minute – porridge made with water is gross! I might feed it to the kids, but never for me!
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The ultimate cheat! We could learn a lot for you!
Give this woman the perfume and the dvd!
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My grandfather always use to chew gum and when I asked about it he would say he was practicing how to chew and I would believe him.
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I’d like to add that you can now buy CWA ENDORSED SCONE MIX and the scones are amazing! The mix is made by a company called Lauke and you can get it at some Coles, Woollies etc
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YES!! I’ll vouch for the CWA scone mix – works every time and get lots of compliments
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I eat crisps behind the pantry door and when my daughter asks I say I’m eating an apple. I actually keep one in there so I can whip it out.
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If I want to have a bottle of coke in the fridge just for me, I tell the kids they can’t have any because I have pre-mixed the coke with bourbon.
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Love it!
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Hi Kerr,
Could you please send me an email at info@mamamia.com.au so that I can get your email address? You’ve won one of the prize packs but I have no way of getting your address, unfortunately! Please get back to me before COB today otherwise we may have to redraw.
Thanks millions,
Nat
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