By KATE HUNTER
I’m no fan of the death penalty, ever, so I was happy to read drug charges against 35 year-old Australian Emma L’Aiguille in Malaysia had been dropped.
This, from news.com.au on Saturday:
Emma L’Aiguille leaves the Kuala Lumpur prison complex
“A VICTORIAN mum who sensationally escaped the death penalty in Malaysia yesterday vowed to devote her second chance at life to her six children.
Emma L’Aiguille’s 115-day nightmare ended when she became the first foreigner to be released from prison without DNA evidence or the forensic report into the drugs being complete.
“I thought I was gone. I didn’t think I’d ever see my family again or that this day would come,” she told the Herald Sun.
“I’m still pinching myself and can’t believe that I am out of jail.”
Prosecutors stunningly dropped her charges after accepting her defence team’s argument there was no evidence connecting the mother-of-six to drug trafficking.”
After reading that story and seeing this front page:
Nova breakfast presenter and mother of 4, Kate Langbroek used Twitter to voice cynicism about the use of the word ‘mum’ to describe a woman who had chronically neglected and barely ever even parented her children.
Kate Langbroek’s tweet
Whichever way you look at it, Emma L’Aiguille’s life is sad. It’s been a misassembled puzzle with pieces broken and missing.
Her education was piecemeal. Emma’s first child, Tayla was born when she was 16. Seven more pregnancies followed, fathered by different men. One baby was lost when Emma miscarried at 17 weeks, and another died of cot death aged only one month. Tayla sees to the only child with a relationship with her mother (she’s being raised by her grandmother).
The other children are with their fathers or being cared for by family members. I’m not quite sure – a lot has been written about Emma L’Aiguille’s complicated relationships, but it’s not clear where all her kids are. Which is fine, because it’s none of our business – I just hope they are okay and having a more grounded start to life than Emma had.
Which brings us to those headlines.
Although Emma’s eldest – Tayla – was raised by her grandmother, she sees Emma as her mum and from all accounts is desperate to be re-united with her. But what about the other 5 kids? Has she packed them a school lunch, put them on the potty, sat through a Yo Gabba Gabba video. Okay, even I haven’t done that last one.
But the question is valid – does giving birth make you a mum? Surely there’s more to parenthood than biology. Kate Langbroek thinks so, scoffing at Emma’s claims that she’s a homemaker at heart, she tweeted: ‘”I have to have someone to take care of. I like to stay at home, cook and clean.” Really? Tell that to your SIX abandoned kids…’
Emma D’Aiguille says she’s going to use her freedom to devote herself to her children. Do you think that’s even possible – can a woman suddenly decide it’s time to be ‘mum’?
Do you think that women can just decide to be a mother? Does having kids really make you a mum?
Comments
87 Comments so far
Mothering is both a practice, a doing, and a way of thinking, a constant combination of thinking and doing and hopefully reflecting. In the absence of doing the mothering, I’d argue that you are simply a biological mother… and yet, from Emma’s posts she clearly experiences herself as a ‘mother’ even if a not very able or present mother.
There’s a lot of (understandable) blame and finger pointing going on in these posts, but clearly the young woman has major psychological problems, and unless we believe that some women are simply evil, then the only way to understand this with any compassion, is to imagine that her own suffering is the cause.
It’s such a huge responsibility to mother! No wonder some women turn to it…then run from it. But let’s also consider the fathers: so many men have their masculinity at stake in proving they’re not ‘shooting blanks’, or don’t want to wear a rubber because it interferes with their pleasure. It’s a discipline to not have children, and that discipline takes two willing people.
I hope her children are loved, whoever it is that is mothering and fathering them.
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Mothering is both a practice, a doing, and an attitude, and we can be mothers to children whom we didn’t give birth to. In the absence of doing the mothering, I’d argue that you are simply a biological mother… and yet, from Emma’s posts she clearly experiences herself as a ‘mother’ even if a not very able mother. Perhaps the fathers and other carers of the six children feel that they are effectively the childrens’ mothers, as they are the ones doing the day to day caring, feeling and thinking that goes in to mothering.
There’s a lot of blame and finger pointing going on in these posts, but clearly the young woman has major problems, and unless we believe that some women are simply evil, the only way to understand this with any compassion – for Emma or her children – is to imagine that her own suffering has caused the suffering her children must undoubtedly feel.
It’s such a huge responsibility to mother! No wonder some women turn to it…then run from it. But let’s also consider the fathers: so many men have their masculinity at stake in proving they’re not shooting blanks, or don’t want to wear a rubber because it interferes with their pleasure.
For me, the bottom line is I hope the children are being loved and cared for by their fathers and others, and don’t feel too abandoned by their biological mother.
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No, I definitely do not believe that giving birth to children immediately makes you a ‘Mum’. I could explain my reasons thoroughly, but that could take all night. Emma deserves a second chance to build relationships with her children and I sincerely hope that she does make amends with her children, but at this moment in time their primary caregivers to her children would be seen as their parents or caregivers, more than she would have ever been
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Emma, I am quite happy for you to read this. People are going to judge. It is an emotive topic and one that will fire up controversial viewpoints. You have come into the media spotlight through dubious means and as a result journalists will open your life to the public.
You mention that you left your children with their fathers as you could not care for them. Reasons aside, after you did this the first,second or third time would you have not recognised you were not either emotionally or financially equiped to continue having 3 more children? I know this may seems harsh but it is hard for people to find sympathy when poor life choices are repeated. Lots of people have had tough, awful upbringings. You can choose to let it tear you down or you can make the choice to try and turn it around. My husband had a terrible violent childhood. This has made him strive harder to achieve in life and be the absolute best father he can be everyday. It just puzzles me that it takes these ‘near death’ experiences to motivate people to change. Proof is in the pudding. If this had not occured would you have been so eager to devote the rest of your life to your children? Probably not…..
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If women with puppies can call themselves their “mummy,” then I think we can let this one slide.
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she’s a breeder, not a mum or a mother
she had sex, gave birth without regard to the present or future wellbeing of the offspring produced in each encounter
selfish, yes
sad, very
I think if they have released her, it should come with strict orders to be sterilised…harsh? possibly, but she needs permanent protection from herself and her own behaviour – why should 6 kids grow up instable and not knowing their mother because she couldnt manage her behaviour in the first place?
we all have a responsibility in society, if we drop litter, we pick it up. if we give birth, we raise the child to our best ability, putting their needs before our own, surely?
…..
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i did put my kids first by leaving them with their fathers cause i couldnt look after them,look at ur self’s before jugding others.as i said before dont judge someone till u know the full story……………………….
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Ha! Good on you Emma for calling this article out. My comment has met the spam filter of doom – as usual – but, in essence, it said that I don’t give a toss what Kate and the rest of twitterati think. About anything.
Your circumstances are none of my business, nor MMs nor our elitist celebrity/personalities or media. You business is yours alone. And all I hope is that your children are well cared for and that you can get on with your life in a happy and fulfilled way.
That’ll teach all the mean girls for talking behind your back and then realizing you can hear everything they are saying!
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Is this Emma L’Aiguille? If so, why don’t you tell your story? We’d love to hear your reasons for birthing six children then leaving them.
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Hi Emma, If you’re interested in sharing your full story, email our managing editor Jamila@mamamia.com.au We’d like to hear from you.
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Hi Emma, please allow me to apologise for the judgemental comment I made here. I actually felt ashamed soon after I’d posted it, but I thought “It’s ok, she’s not likely to read it” – famous last words! So I’m very sorry, your life has probably been a lot harder than mine, and it’s not for me to judge. If your kids are loved and looked after, then that’s the most important thing.
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I think that having even had a pregnancy makes you a mum (or dad). I think it depends what you have invested. I lost a baby at 10 weeks, and whilst I have 2 kids, I still think from time to time that I was a mum to 3 (and my husband a dad to all 3). That said, I think it is the parenting, which this mother is lacking. She has done nothing (so it would seem) to raise these children.
It all seems incredibly sad.
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I am the eldest if six girls. Our mother abandoned us to live with her boyfriend over seas when I was 15 and my youngest sister 4 years of age. She gas never been back to Australia. I am now 39 and have a daughter of my own. I have come to accept my mum’s decision to not maternally parent or be there for us but in my early 20′s….. It sucked. It was painful and I had to work hard to lose the heavy cloak of abandonment. My sisters and I have all had different lives and different experiences if dealing with a mum who just walks away. I could write a thesis (or a novel) on the psychology behind this…… I do speak to my mum but i dont get any maternal offerings from her, i often wonder, if i were a different person, would i talk to her at all…..But in answer to your question? No, biology does not make you a mother.
Thanks for allowing me to voice a little bit about something so fundamental to me.
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There are a few different arguments occuring here.
1. Ideologically, the meaning of motherhood, and entitlement to it’s claim.
2. The differences between biological and social motherhood.
3. The legal view on parenthood (in Oz, being that, biological parenthood is idealised, prioritised and protected, sometimes at the detriment to the child).
4. The idea of whose view of parenthood is important. The mother’s? Society’s? The child’s?
Will just address the final point, and try and say briefly, that I think we need to consider the child’s view of their “mother”, and try to shape our world and views in a way that respects that. A child raised in a society that upholds and prioritises biological claims to parenting, will of course, come to uphold and prioritise that relationship, and so it must be respected, valued and nurtured. That is why we, as a state, protect children’s relationship to their birth parents … to protect and nurture a child’s developing identity and sense of self. It will do the child no good to vilify and destroy that child’s view of their parent. If we want to discuss the previous points … ideology, sociology, entitlement/privilege, legislation … they are entirely different discussions, and very well could change how we view motherhood/parenting … and very well could change motherhood/parenting
Currently we do not value mothers very much, not even our exceptional mothers … we owe our children much much more …
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I don’t think it is very nice to talk and bitch about someone we don’t know. She oviously has some severe issues – leave the judgement to the kids I say.
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thank you for that comment,i never asked for anyone to mention my children,and without saying too much about my life, it goes much deeper then me just leaving my children,which was better for them,hard for me.but my life hasnt been easy and it all started from when i was a child.cant say too much more but thank you again……
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It’s just so easy to sit here and judge on this one. I have 4 kids so I get what having kids & being a parent is about but I think the most important thing here are the kids & if they want a relationship with their mother who are we to say no you can’t? I think sometimes we as adults expect kids to do and react as we would do, but we forget, they are KIDS.
I can only hope she wishes to be involved in her children’s lives & that her children want her there. I don’t think anyone benefits otherwise.
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Alarm bells are ringing for me. I only know one person who often tells people she’s a good mother and most of the time she’s crap. She’s just trying to convince herself. Most of us just say we’re trying to muddle through and do our best.
Devote herself to taking care of her children and cooking and cleaning for them? Alarm bells. Sorry. Too much like my friend.
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How is your friend a crap mum?
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Does anyone else think she might try to “start over” by having another baby as quickly as possible with the next bloke she hooks up with? Or am I just too cynical?
And no, I don’t think she’s a mum. A mother, yes, but to me, “Mum” is an honorific title and is earned through all the thousands of things you do for your kids.
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I always say, a mother or a father is someone who have a child who is biologically theirs. A mum or a dad is someone who looks after them, cares about them, loves them, etc.
Hence why stepdads and stepmums can be ‘mum’ and ‘dad’, or why some kids who grow up with their grandparents call them mum or dad….
As far as I am concerned, Mother and Father are titles given to people who have children biologically. Calling someone a mother or father is a statement of fact and a statement of genetics. But ‘mum’ and ‘dad’ are terms of affection and denote a relationship, rather than genetics.
So, a mother of six, definitely. A mum of six? I think thats a different statement.
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I think she can learn to be a Mum and hopefully (for the children she had left behind) this experience changes her profoundly. Having said that, as an adoptive mother I trust completely that I am being a good mother in nurturing my children. Our two children will always have their birth mothers (and fathers),even if sadly they don’t have them in their lives. But we parent them, day in, day out. Not perfectly, but who does. Biology may make a mother, but it doesn’t make a parent. That is hard work often, oh but so much joy too. In National Adoption Awareness week I really wish the anti-adoption advocates would realise how much they make us adoptive parents feel second-class, and our ‘poor children’ are second class in having to be raised by us, rather than their birth parents. Giving birth should be the start of the story, not the end. But when it is not, then adoption should be considered a new start to a complex story.
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I am a mum to a bio and an adopted child. Totally agree with your post. In our case we have one biological parent of our adoptee who we see and have contact with and even they fully acknowledge that biology makes mother/father but not a mum/dad and they let my husband and I get on with those roles. We are all learning as we go.
Adoption can be a polarising topic. I’ve learned to bite my tounge more when people express their (often misinformed) opinion about how modern adoption works.
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She’s a mother, sure… but a ‘mum’? NO.
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Sad to think that some people can’t have children and women like Emma are breeding like rabbits. She has given birth, but in no way is she a mother.
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YES she is a mother, she gave birth to them, end of story.
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She gave birth. She is not a mother.
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Agreed, just because you give birth it does not necessarily make you a mother, you have to earn that right.
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yes, she is definitely a mother. But is she a mum?
Do you see those two things as being one and the same, or does one title say more than the other?
No one is denying that she is biologically a mother to six children, I think the thing in question is the use of the term “mum” since its mostly use to denote a relationship rather than genetics. Some see the two as being the same, others see them as two different things, and I think that is what is being asked.
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This is simplistic. She is a biological mother. She needs to ‘be’ a mother.
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This article mentions nothing about the fact that she is also a nurse which I find extremely odd considering the history of her relationships (or lack there of) with her children.
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I hope that she does devote herself to her children, and tries to build relationships with them. Maybe staring impending death in the face has made her realise what is important in life. Second chances don’t come around too often. I wish them all the best.
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Having children does not make you a mum. As far as I can see Emma has not mothered a child in her life. It is disgraceful. Of course when you are young mistakes can occur such as accidental pregnancies, but to then go on and repeat the same mistake 5 more times with different fathers? People need to take responsibility for their actions, especially when they are bringing a new life into the world. Emma may have well have discarded her children like unwanted puppies. I have very little sympathy for her, I feel for her abandoned children and for all the women out there who are desperate to be a wonderful, loving and PRESENT mother and cannot for a myriad of reasons.
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“But the question is valid – does giving birth make you a mum? Surely there’s more to parenthood than biology.”
Why do I so seldom see this question asked of men in the media? Rarely do we make such judgements of the “quality” of paternity. I reckon that if D’Aiguille was a man, being a parent would hardly rate a mention in the story of his arrest and release. Let alone the number of kids he had and the judgement that goes with it. Why?
Having said that, this story just makes me sad. I hope that everything turns out well for everyone involved…and the kids especially.
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No.
My older sister is a excellent example of this. 4 months into my pregnancy my sister did not like the attention I was receiving. I was pregnant with the first grandchild and she was insanely jealous. Her solution was to get pregnant then she would be the centre of attention. After my son was born things got worse. She started making up stories for attention. My nephew was born and he was perfect. But she wanted more attention so she got pregnant again. After my niece was born she had another baby. She drank alcohol and smoked through all of her pregnancies. She didn’t care about the health of her babies all she wanted was to have them for the attention. Her house was constantly filthy, she had nits, her children had nits and then her house mate started growing weed in the backyard. She wasn’t caring for her children and refused offers of help so I called DOCS and reported her house mate to crime stoppers. She was furious of course that someone would do that to her but the way I saw it her children, my nieces and nephew were suffering so I had no choice. She cleaned up her act and was monitored but in December 2011 she ran off with a guy she met on the internet, leaving her children at daycare and not telling anyone they were there. The daycare called the police and the children’s father went to court to seek custody of them, and won. My sister refused to accept responsibility for her actions (and still won’t).
In August this year after numerous run ins with police and even trying to break in and steal money from the children’s father she returned wanting to be a part of the kids life. Her drug addict boyfriend had kicked her out of the caravan park so his new girlfriend could move in.
In September I received a phone call from my mum to say that my sister had been rushed to hospital. She had given birth to another baby. No one knew she was pregnant. She had put on weight but we all assumed it was due to her lifestyle.
She is now back living with the children and their father because the hospital wouldn’t let her out on her own. She is being monitored by DOCS and has a social worker.
Last week I got a phone call from my mum telling me that she had run away with her baby and no one knew where she was. She only came back 3 days later when her ex threatened to call her social worker. I personally think he should have called her social worker straight away.
My sister thinks because she has given birth to her children then she has a right to do what she wants. She even said she doesn’t think she has down anything wrong in the past and that she is a good mum. She lies to everyone and they believe her lies. Her son who is the same age as mine went to school talking about suicide and saying that he wants to die. How can a 6 year old know what suicide is??!! My son certainly doesn’t! Her oldest daughter has only just started talking to women. What her “mum” has done to her has deeply affected her.
How can she be allowed to live under the same roof as her children after dumping them? It makes me furious! She does not deserve to call herself a mum!
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I’m so sorry to hear that about your sister
It sounds to me like she has a major psychological problem, probably a personality disorder and should be seeing a psychiatrist. My husband’s ex wife did similar things. Most of her pregnancies were unplanned and she did not care for the children much at all. Then they split up and she got pregnant with the first man that came along after. She has been hospitalised several times. My stepsons have a very difficult relationship with her, she’s completely focused on herself. She has been diagnosed with a personality disorder and possible schizophrenia and is in treatment. I feel sorry for the son she is raising alone now, she still wants favours and money from my husband (her ex husband) who left her 20 years ago. But I feel worst for the kids 
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Ahem, Yo Gabba Gabba is awesome, have you seen the Jack Black episodes? Youtube them, mesmerising.
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Too risky to add comment here… I ask myself: “What do I know of this woman?” My answer: “Nothing at all”
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maybe deciding not be be a “mother” figure in her childrens lives was the best decision this mother made in the best interests of her children. I have breasts but i was unable to breastfeed, im still alowed to call them breasts arent I?
Alot of drama about a name people. Trying to covet a name making it be more than it actually is which is a “word” used to describe something that has a different meaning to everyone?
If you really beleive she is going to come back after living overseas, being in a situation were she was getting around with drug dealers, being arrested and jailed for trafficking to making vegemite sandwiches and doing the school run………your joking………..get off your high horses.
You get let out of jail and possible death penalty you couldnt possible say, pheeww cant wait for a stiff drink a quick shag and to get off my chops on something illegal can you.
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I don’t think we are in a position to judge. Everyone’s story is different. Maybe she felt she couldn’t be a good mum and thought she was doing what was best for her kids.
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Given that Emma’s situation with her children seems to be a long standing one, I wouldn’t be surprised if the fathers of her children have formal custody of the children. She may have some sort of relationship with some or all of them, but I’m not sure she has earned the title of mum.
If she can actually come back to Australia and make a big effort with her children on an ongoing basis, then maybe. I’m not going to hold my breath though. I think it would take a huge effort on her behalf and if past history (from what we’ve read here) is anything to go by, I’m not sure if she’s capable of it.
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Sure, she’s a mum. She might be an astoundingly crap/neglectful/whatever kind of mum but she’s a mum nonetheless. “Mum” doesn’t have to mean “good mother”.
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Im with Kate. Havent read the comments… but one of my favourite sayings is. Buying a piano doesnt make you a pianist.
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I agree with EmC. Becoming pregnant and giving birth makes you a biological mother. However the role of mothering is something that not everyone is capable or selfless enough to do properly. Only her kids, who have suffered because of her selfish choices, can decide if she’s entitled to become their mother.
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Could not agree more
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I get the basis for cynicism, I really do. It’s *very* late in the game for her to be wanting to behave like a mother, and it could just be comments intended as media sound bytes and nothing more…
…but I’m *really* reluctant to ever say, “It’s too late.” If she means it, yes, maybe she could get involved somehow. Maybe she could do something better than just stay out of her kids’ lives. Maybe she could get involved and make a constructive difference. OK, she’ll never have been there when they were tiny, but she could perhaps do something, that’s beneficial to her kids, and fulfilling for her (I definitely place the self-fulfillment that comes from parenting as nowhere near as important as the kids’ welfare, but it is a factor in some sense). That would be *great* news, I think. Best left to them to sort out with privacy, and stability, IMO.
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Can we pick up this story once she is settled back in Australia? I find it hard to believe a person can abandon her children, go gallivanting around the world, then come back and pick up where she left off. I can’t help but think she has no intention of getting her children back; she just said that to appease media & public sympathy.
Oh, and for Gods sake, Emma, go and see your GP when you get back. Here in Australia contraception is FREELY AVAILABLE and CHEAP.
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Oooh, I’m apprehensive to comment without appearing too ‘Judgey McJudgerson’ but I really hope she does take this second chance to reconnect with her children and prove herself to be a mum worthy of them.
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She had eight pregnancies that resulted in 7 births, that is all.
Whilst she’s the biological mother, she’s not the ‘caregiver’ or ‘parent’, which actually raises the children.
She has had 7 babies. She hasn’t raised those 6 kids, so I too am reluctant to call her a ‘Mum’. The very term implies that you put your children’s needs first and then yours second. It implies that you protect, love and care for your children until adulthood. Obviously, this was not the case.
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I am with Kate on this one. Giving birth might make you a genetic mother, but being a mum is about being there and putting your children first.
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Just because she has a womb and gave birth doesn’t mean she has automatic rights as a parent. What of the kids who live with their fathers? Do they get to be taken from their stable home and become involved in the train wreck of a life that this woman leads?
It’s not about her, it’s about the kids, and if she cared about the kids she wouldn’t be galivanting around indonesia with a loser of a bloke and a kg of meth.
She should have her rights as a parent withdrawn.
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it’s not what you do or don’t do. it’s how the child sees you. if my kids call me mum, then i’m a mum
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I called the woman who gave birth to me mum as a child, was she a mother NO she was a drug addict who neglected us, abused us and didn’t care about us admitting to having us for “money” I called her mum because she made me, because I thought I had to because that’s what I thought she was.
Just because someone calls you mum it does not mean you are one.
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I think it’s highly likely that this woman came from an unstable and inconsistent home life. I think there’s also a likelihood that she has experienced abuse in some form.
Everyone is so quick to have such sympathy for children in this kind of environment, but the sympathy disappears when these children grow into confused and troubled adults. The harshest judgement always seems to come from those gifted with the most stable of childhoods from which to grow into a rounded person.
It just feels hypocritical. People felt so bad for the children in that recent Four Corners report on the extreme poverty and neglect in some areas of Australia – but these children grow up, and it’s all they know to perpetuate the cycle.
Of course this is all speculation and she is responsible for her actions – but the scathing criticism of her parenting skills really fail to account for the likelihood that this is a learned approach to life.
Things are often more complicated than being a ‘bad mother’ or a ‘good mother’.
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Nice one Anon. I really respect your opinion here. Insightful, considered and compassionate – and the reality. Love that you’re taking a look at the whole picture. Being a whole person is a lot of work and some people have enough education or enough love to get it easily. For others, even a life long slog of bloody hard work doesn’t seem to make a mark. Wish I could call you something other than anon – one of the best comments I’ve ever seen on any website. Hope that you do the rounds regularly
xx
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Haha, thanks. I post here regularly but I always post under anon. Usually say my bit and leave but maybe I’ll get around to creating an account.
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Applauds ! Never a truer word spoken…
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Love your comment
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I am the biological mother of at least two (possibly more) children via egg donation, and another two that I carried and raise and pick up after every day. Technically, I’m a mother of 4, but really I’m a mum of two. It’s in the daily detail- as Kate says, in the Yo Gabba videos and the fact that I will spend half of tomorrow stressing about getting my daughter’s hair in an acceptable bun for her dance concert tomorrow night. My egg donation children aren’t with their biological parent, but I do think they’re with their real parents- the people who went through so much to get them. They’re a thousand times luckier than Emma’s kids, sadly.
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I don’t know you but I do think you are an extraordinary person. The world needs more people like you.
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Oh, gypsy, thank you! But I’m not that extraordinary. I yelled at my daughter this morning for spending too long on the Howrse website instead of brushing her hair and teeth, and she no doubt went off to school wishing she had another mother
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Kylie I think you’re extremely generous for donating your eggs.
Give yourself a break over the bad morning with your daughter – some mornings are easier than others and I’m pretty sure she would have forgotten about it long before you do.
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Head to hair house warehouse and get a bun sponge – they are brilliant!
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Really? DONE. Thanks!
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She is a Mum, sure. There are alot of different types of mums out there. Mums that dedicate their lives to raising their children into respectable, happy people. Mums who have their priorities straight when it comes to the BIG picture…. This lady is clearly not one of those Mums.
Saying that, if she has the guts to knuckle down and change herself and her life to be worthy and capable of raising her children, then so be it for her to have the opportunity to bring her family back together. If she can prove that she will be a Mum who is drug-free, financially stable enough to run a safe organised life for everyone, and who wants to put her children’s needs before her own desires.
Saying that, who knows if the children will even want to give her another chance. Who knows they won’t look back when they get older and realise the childhood they missed out on because their Mum was never around…
Being a Mum is not easy and requires more inner strength than anyone can put into words… And even more so when you have stuffed up so many years that you now want to repair.
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I prepare meals but that doesn’t make me a chef.
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The media has a weird obsession with using the word ‘mum’ in any headline, regardless of whether or not the woman’s mother-status has anything to do with the story. It is as if a woman being a successful international novelist (http://au.news.yahoo.com/latest/a/-/latest/15393377/brisbane-mum-most-successful-international-bestseller/) or a woman being attacked in a home invasion (http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/law-order/st-albans-mum-knocked-out-in-brutal-attack/story-fnat7jfp-1226514658106) is only an interesting story if the woman is also a mum.
Presumably, no one would care that this woman has escaped the death penalty if she wasn’t also a mum??
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Argh. Women like this make me face palm in anger. There are so many women who can’t have bubbas that would make wonderful parents yet she can produce 8. Those poor kids, who will probably go on to lead a similar life unless they can be given the resources to break the cycle.
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I believe that giving birth makes a woman a *mother*, but this is insufficient to make a woman a *mum*. (And I think that same goes for men in that providing sperm that results in a child makes a man a father, but not necessarily a dad). Furthermore, someone can be a mum or a dad without having a biological child; that is, a man or woman who adopts and raises a child is a dad/mum.
I think that people can decide to become a mum or a dad. Ultimately, they can never take back the time they missed out on, but people can and do change. However, being a mum isn’t about a sudden decision. It is a long term, intense dedication, but I believe that if it is really important to someone, they can do it even if they haven’t really been a mum for the first how ever many years of a child’s life.
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You’re right, I never call my daughter’s father her dad. He’s not. You need to be around and involved to be that, and he’s neither.
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my question is would they want her? we don’t know what her childrens situation is, but if they’ve got a settled life with whomever is taking care of them, why would you disrupt that?
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I think having a baby grow in your uterus makes you a mum, regardless of what goes on to happen later. Whether some women deserve to be mothers is another question.
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I’d like to believe that anybody is capable of significant life change, particularly after getting the fear of god put into you on death row.
6 kids, though? She probably won’t have the mental resources or parenting skills gained by raising your first child and will almost definitely not have the financial resources.
Suddenly giving her custody of her 6 kids would liekly be disastrous, it would be better to set up something like giving her access to 1-2 kids a night on a rotational basis with external monitoring and drug testing.
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The media use the word ‘mum’ to garner interest in the story and therefore sell more papers. So to them the more emotional tie-in the story has, the more dollars it brings in.
As for this girl – maybe facing the death penalty and living 115 days in squalor and fear has caused her to want a different life for herself. And yes – I think any experience that brings you pretty much to e depths of your being can make you question your basic tenets – any reformed drug user will tell you that. The proof will be in the years to come perhaps, and whether her desire to be ‘Mum’ can be sustained. Above all, I hope that her desire to reunite with her children doesn’t pose problems for her children, wherever they may be.
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Actually, rather than the media using the word ‘mum’ to garner interest in the story and therefore sell more papers, I expect it was more spin from her lawyers to emphasise this in presenting her case in Malaysia, and therefore a more likely outcome of being released or more lenient sentence.
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She might be a mother in the legal and physical sense, but in my opinion not an emotional, moral sense. A mother is more than just the body that carries and delivers, more importantly she nurtures, she cares, and she raises. It’s a complete package, you can’t bargain what a mother really is.
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