.
It was last night when my husband said “is something wrong with you” that I realised the fog had lifted.
You see I have been asleep for two and a half years and then last week a small miracle occurred for me. My toddler slept through the night. And I finally woke up.
If you have been coping with sleep deprivation for a long time then you will understand what I mean.
I reminded my husband that I was the person that he married a few years ago. Remember me? I am back.
I suppose my sleep deprivation really did start before I had children. I worked as a Press Secretary for Kevin Rudd for four years so I was very well prepared for a minimalist sleep regime.
However my beautiful little boy really did take me to staggering new heights of fatigue.
I guess he learnt from the very best.
It goes in cycles, as you probably know.
First you cope. Your eyes burn, you feel sick, you cannot think straight but you can cope. You bat away thoughts of being tired with ‘just harden up sister’.
Then everything starts to become very hard. Each small task seems like a marathon and then you admit to yourself that you are starting to struggle. The cloud of fatigue gets darker around you. This phase can last a long time.
Finally, you have a spectacular crash and burn. All you can think about is going to sleep. You have multiple bad moments, like leaving your car door wide open with your handbag inside when you go to the shops or having entire conversations with colleagues and calling them the wrong name… or worse. I won’t go there.
Just when you are ready to absolutely lose your bundle, you get a few hours of sleep in a row again and recover. You are back to coping. It is a cycle. Coffee helps.
For me, it worked to convince myself that sleep was not important to me. I could get it or not get it. Whatever. I knew I needed it, but I had to not care.
It is a first world problem, but long-term sleep deprivation can be a serious one for many people.
I see now that over a long period of time it can impact your life, your personality, and your general ability to function. It is not a healthy life choice.
Now that I am awake, everything is more beautiful. I think clearly and quickly again. I can’t wait for the day to start. I have energy and want to exercise and dance and laugh.
I should have asked more people for help. They were there and offering to help me all the time but I didn’t want to bother them. I wanted to cope with it by myself.
That was a bad decision. Long-term sleep deprivation impacts judgement too. It should not be under-estimated.
Because I convinced myself sleep was not important to me anymore, I also believed that I would never get it ever again.
But I was wrong, and I hope that if you think that then you are wrong too. It can come back. And it is a wonderful thing.
If you are in the state of fog now and feel like it is never going to lift then I hope to give you some hope that it can happen.
Sleep has returned to my life and I love it so much.
Fiona is a former Press Secretary to the Prime Minister and is currently a media consultant and Mum in Brisbane. You can follow her on Twitter @FiSugden
Have you experienced sleep deprivation? How did you cope?
Comments
154 Comments so far
talk/2012/07/19/cheap-burberry-shirts-y-leather-plus-precision-suture-f-cheap-burberry-shirts/ and get big save
four kinds of design and style in order to eight primary locations perfect vacation to europre15308 4-color maid-matron regarding honor dress Spice up the very best time of day the particular helping functionality: Marriage: Ruili Program |
1955s classic wedding ceremony advanced increase including strikes: this bride-to-be: Ruili Program |
Advanced time period out of your middle regarding last 100 years enthusiastic pastoral, seatbelt securer, protected torso style and design, the actual A-word shirt, Qin Yun classic features in the aspects of the most recent time period wedding ceremony design regarding classic enthusiastic taste through the last 100 years. This advanced style and design might classic wedding ceremony as if the specific film superstar wonderful the woman talks about. 1955s traditional wedding dress A-shaped draw for your wedding ceremony like a princess or queen personality padding completely protected torso part of the style and design right bows and also ribbon and bow contact form, snazzy and in addition nice printed covering, a silk filled duvet shirt with the practical surroundings including typical Manufacturer: Junko Yoshioka, advanced time period from the centre through the last 100 years, this enthusiastic nation aspect from your securer seatbelt protected torso style and design, the specific A-word shirt, Qin Yun classic attributes through the aspects of the most recent time period wedding ceremony design including classic enthusiastic flavour through the last 100 years. The actual advanced style and design might classic wedding ceremony as if the specific film superstar attractive the woman identifies. 1955s classic wedding ceremony Hepburn usually advanced egypt wedding dress. The simple and in addition conventional hairstyling making use of advanced components as well as artwork. The specific detail is actually especially important. Advanced black and white coloring, modern precious metal the white kind of coloring, shows this amazing movie star style. Advanced time period from the middle regarding ultimate 100 years enthusiastic pastoral, seatbelt securer, protected torso style and design, the specific A-word shirt, Qin Yun classic qualities through the aspects of the latest time period wedding ceremony product including classic enthusiastic flavour through the last 100 years. This advanced style and design might classic wedding ceremony as if this film celeb splendid the woman talks about. Classic wedding ceremony classic a sense of design style and design inside the 1955s, the specific fifth in the lantern masturbator masturbator sleeves, The particular dbouchent vers light source shirt, this bride-to-be could be the contract in the heroine inside the conventional film. Full of personality, very modern personality. Brand: Costly advanced time period out of your centre through the last 100 years, the actual enthusiastic nation aspect in the securer seatbelt protected torso style and design, this A-word shirt Qin Yun classic attributes through the elements for the calendar year wedding ceremony type of the actual classic enthusiastic taste from your last 100 years. The specific advanced style and design might classic wedding ceremony as if the specific film celeb attractive the woman explains. 1955s classic wedding ceremony protected torso a silk filled duvet knee-length dress, perfect for physical the specific painful as well as wonderful, hand made egypt petals, Qunjiao is in fact secured to generate a actual schedule bride-to-be. Name brand: Lian Carlo advanced time period out of your centre in the ultimate 100 years, the specific enthusiastic nation part from your securer seatbelt protected torso style and design, this A-word shirt, Qin Yun personality classic aspects towards the calendar year wedding ceremony type of the particular classic enthusiastic taste from your last 100 years. The actual advanced style and design might classic wedding ceremony as if this film superstar splendid the woman talks about. 1955s traditional wedding ceremony heart-shaped Channel extremely cushioned flower designs, draw progressively deliver in order to shirt comfy uniformity, adornment in the retro-type bows as well as ribbon and bow seatbelt is definitely a fast enhance this kind of regimen wedding ceremony advanced attractiveness. Name brand: This Vineyard Assortment 5 a little bit technique for producing your present vacation to europre15308 nice to the tired |
Greater transform five wedding ceremony video gaming wedding ceremony: bride-to-be: this Ruili Program |
Recommended to the relationship 6 " Sunzhao, each computer game city as well as thrilling, to ensure a better coming back wedding ceremony surroundings red child car seat design: reddish colored carseat, the 1st prerequisite through the two brothers and sisters co-operation hidden being child car seat, and then sit back with the riff Inside the more than, for any people to collect five several hello there. 2, after that get back to the main table. Computer game Ideas: the actual friend group an excellent problems from your child car seat by just just one particular greater and also an additional really low brothers and sisters execute. 2, enhancing the issue as well as satisfying, what sort of ideal instruction as well as riff sleeping, to prevent cheating. Gaming Assessment: familiar with take part in the many years movement growing up computer game, people keep in mind the actual wonderful child years. Recommended to the relationship 6 " Sunzhao, each and every video gaming city and in addition interesting, to ensure greater transform wedding ceremony gaming greater transform marketplace design: through heavier as well as thin just one, to tidy up a number of rings, as well as pre-placed inside the refrigerator in the compacted snow sq snowfall things that trigger allergies. 2, the sport starts, get rid of the snowfall things that trigger allergies as well as included in making use of darling as well as enhance. 3 to provide that this couple of may simply just make use of the oral cavity in order to decrease snow contaminants in the air, and also out the band on each of your of the other’ nasiums convenience while visiting front side of everybody to speak about: " I like many people! " Phrase: the sport, will not snowfall awesome extreme, otherwise the sport can not be normal. 2, inside the early spring big event. Computer game Review: agree to in order to complete the sport underneath the cautious eyes associated with practically (French wet kiss), going to go the specific climax in the night time big event. Recommended to the relationship 6 " Sunzhao, every single computer game city and in addition challenging to ensure that advantage change wedding ceremony area to be able to out the bride-to-be for any design: Remove the specific bride-to-be in to a red ribbon related to various issues as well as traditional document, just like a sole related to a strong clown (paper places the specific riff one of the aunt the very first time in order to it). And also tangled up just one bottom line through the issue within the wedding party region one more bottom line to be able to out the hallway in order to for any riff, the actual riff the actual real tips on paper. Video gaming Term: This thread must have sufficient dimension in order to value savoring! (2) there is no the actual ribbon related to the actual wedding party few in order to this aunt group teased curved. Video gaming Examination: this specific video gaming appropriate to position a little bit take part in, the actual friend group in order to make-believe the way the riff participate in quite difficult, they are going to have great goals baignoire as well as laces and ribbons provided to have the ability to the particular puppy, as well as one more that is really related to the specific bride-to-be, such as pull-on without having taking pleasure in Pursuing the video gaming, you may also immediately bride-to-be observed, normally, he is able to not necessarily attract. Give you six " Sunzhao visit the relationship, " for each gaming are often municipal as well as interesting to ensure that advantage change big event big event exciting video gaming obtain the specific surroundings riff Xiniang correspondingly ten nicknames in order to get in touch with each other, what precisely dearest oh yea, baby, puppy dog, fleshy, the more bad the greater. Once the visitors is not really pleased, may distribution to speak about. Subject material: Caesar hey bed mattress as well as place hey bed mattress inside the marriage position supplied with the computer game in the groom’ nasiums sister-in-law suggest the particular factor together with monitor danced, her / his husband or wife Accomplish plate shop within the reddish colored traditional document, red traditional pieces of paper, location chestnuts, time ovens, nut products, longans along with other items. The actual bride-to-be lay down in the bed mattress, her / his husband or wife trapped the specific dried up fruit distribute on the bed mattress, element distribute and in addition sang. Problems executing the specific wedding party position offered, the actual marketplace considered her / his husband or wife, furthermore echoed this marriage ceremony position supplied, constant enjoyable on the night, frolicking sound from the increase subsequent increase. |
loading...
Sleep is so important. I feel for all of you who are currently sleep deprived. My only child has autism and is a terrible sleeper. We had almost 5 years of being woken up hourly. My husband and I went crazy from lack of sleep and I started having auditory and visual hallucinations. It led to an interesting and stigmatising label from the DSM IV for me that has thankfully now been dropped!
I was a wreck! Almost two years on I am sane again, happy and my child’s development is all the better. We marvel at the difference sleep has made to our family and enjoyment of life. 
I have learnt that a few nights of letting a child cry it out to learn to sleep (in a safe environment) is going to do way less damage to a child’s development and mental health than years of sleep deprivation and the effects mentally ill parents who aren’t coping! My advice is don’t get caught up in studies on child mental health and controlled crying and throw away the Dr Sears books! If your child is above 6 months of age – don’t wait like we did – have the confidence to get some support and get onto it now! Sleep is a learned behaviour for many children – it doesn’t always come naturally. People can argue the ills of controlled crying with me for for hours – I am sure they too would change their ideas if they had our experience! ;b
loading...
My eldest didn’t sleep through until he was around 8 /9 years old, everybody told me that he would sleep through once he was on solids, then it was when he started walking and got more tired, then it was when he started primary school…it didn’t happen
Even now at 13 he is a shocking sleeper and wakes at the slightest thing and is always the first up, the only time he sleeps past 5.30am is when he isn’t feeling well, he tells me he wishes he could sleep it’s just once he is awake he is awake.
The first few years were so tough, I thought you could die of sleep exhaustion but you don’t…. His younger brother slept from 6 weeks old all through the night and has done every since, which made me realise I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
Obviously rule out illness etc etc, but there are some adults/ babies that just don’t need the same amount of sleep that the rest of us need.
No advice, just take any help offered, (wish I had) and one day you will come out the other side… Now when he wakes up in the night he knows unless it’s a life or death situation he just has to lie there until he falls back to sleep, don’t come and wake up Mum!
Good luck to all those parents stuggling at the moment with bad sleepers, take it in turns to catch up with sleep.
loading...
One compound word: co-sleeping. I get tired but never psychotically sleep deprived.
Obviously I’m lucky, my kids are healthy, no reflux or other issues that would keep them explicably awake.
Gina Ford is not something I would recommend to anyone.
Also I agree with Clarinette below, this issue should not be diminished by being referred to as a first world problem.
loading...
i agree. our 2 year old sleeps with us and we all get a decent amount of sleep. we didn’t really plan it, but it just happened that way with breastfeeding until 13 months. it was just easier. our son is content, happy and confident. he can sleep with us, or at grandma’s without a problem. we are all happy, no cranky faces in this household
loading...
This post is making me very tired and I didn’t even think I was.
loading...
thank you for writing this article – let’s say it was perfect timing! I could totally relate to what you write, even though I’m doing this for the 3rd time and with a reasonable sleeper this time (3rd time lucky?). When I crashed and burned this week – it had me questioning who this person was that I had become, a reasonable sleep last night has put everything back into perspective! Thank you for reminding me that the fog does lift!
loading...
A lack of sleep can also occur without a child causing it. There are many people out there who are night owls; they convince themselves that they are coping with 4 hours or less of sleep. I know I was one. When the children came I was pleased that I could cope as that was my “natural “ state.
After they grew up, I used that extra time to do all the housework, “home” work, watch TV or read a book. I would skite about the fact that I didn’t need as much sleep as others, I would point out famous people in history that could do this.
Then I had a few years of one allergic or viral infection after another. Finally I caught something that made me really mushy brained for over a year and at the time I was sleeping most of the day for the first 4 months and slowly slept less and less as the year went on. I realise now it was like dementia.
The specialist I was with told me that he was dealing with an ever increasing number of woman (not the same disease) but their bodies not coping with some illness because they worked full time/looked after children/ and in other words tried to have it all. Once they hit menopause their body seemed to just give in.
One of the main causes he felt was the lack of sleep, which reduced the body’s ability to fight illnesses.
Good luck out there
loading...
OH my goodness. I hear so many of you.
I have a 10 month old and I feel like tiredness in my new personality trait
Tired, tired, tired.
I try to keep it all in perspective that I have a happy and healthy baby and the only thing she does is wake up most nights. Even when she does sleep through I’m still tired in the morning though. What’s with that?!
loading...
Oh Fiona, I hear you.
My now-nearly 4 year old didn’t sleep through the night until she was 3… that’s three whole YEARS of up-and-down at least twice (but often many more) times a night.
It has had devestating effects on my mental health, my relationship with my husband, and ultimately, on my own sleep patterns – ironically, now my daughter sleeps through the night, *I* can’t, and am now a medically diagnosed insomniac
After being on high-alert for that long, constantly, my body has just forgotten how to relax, except for rare nights of complete exhaustion where it snatches back hours of oblivion. Medication and therapy are now part of my everyday life.
The thing with asking for help is weird: you need energy for that. You need energy to tackle a problem that you simply don’t have energy for. It’s just much easier, or rather, all you can do, to just do one thing at a time, put one step in front of the other. Sleep deprivation is hypnotising; it steals your good sense and proactivity.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know I’ve been there and you’re not alone.
loading...
Hi Carla, I’m not sure if it would help, but a few months ago I had two session of hynotherapy (for a fear of flying) one of the side benefits I found was that I started sleeping better and having more vivid dreams again. I have a 15 month old who wakes up several times a night and I hadn’t dreamt or slept very well since she was born. The hypnotherapy made a world of difference. It might be worth trying and it is actually a really enjoyable, relaxing experience in itself. Hope this helps
loading...
Hey Sally
Can you recommend a hypnotherapist? Where are you located?
Thanks
loading...
There is a good reason why sleep deprivation is used as a torture. It messes you up big time. Don’t underestimate the impact on your life and health.
loading...
i feel like i need to address some posters’ comments about controlled crying. i have experienced sleep deprivation for over a year now, at its worst sleeping in 2 hour blocks, seeing the shining door frames and black dots allover the place, no i chose not to drive when it was bad.
what i find alarming is the use of controlled crying like another brand of nappies. the women who have promoted CI, gina ford and tizzie hall, have no psychology, child hood development or medical training, they wrote books and unfortunately these were seen as a quick fix for sleep deprived parents. even tizzie has now backed away from her rigid routines. what is widely known in psychology literature and child development is that leaving a child to cry without attending to them changes how their brain develops making them more susceptible to anxiety and depression in later life – due to brain networks used in self soothing developing abnormally. there has been plenty of evidence for this for the last 20 years. and saying that my mother/neighbour/aunt did it with her kids and they are ok is simply not good enough. my mother smoked when she was pregnant with me and im ok – this is not good enough knowing what we know now.
there other methods to help your baby sleep – look up elizabeth pantley or pinky mckay.
loading...
actually Gina Ford specifically says not to leave a baby to cry before six months and even then only in certain circumstances. Just thought I would put it out there.
loading...
You can’t train a baby with reflux to sleep. They are waking for a reason.
…am so exhausted 10 months in would love a few hours uninterrupted sleep. So glad other people experience this thougth i was in my own private hell, although I adore being a mother. If I don’t get a nap in theafternoon it all goes to hell in a handbasket my poor big daughter and husband…I just have no energy…sleep is so important to just being able to function.
loading...
hugs. Yep reflux babies are just hard work. The “tricks” don’t work on them. The only thing is to be kind to yourself and rest when you can. My daughter had terrible reflux. She grew out of the worst (ie. 10 times a day) vomiting by about 7/8 months but didn’t stop puking regularly until over 12 months. She started sleeping through at 13/14 months. So hang in there!
loading...
After loosing it in a mah-jor way today, I was trying to convince myself it must be delayed PND. It had to be – it was the only reason left i could think of for the constant crying, illogical thoughts, inability to function properly and a very low tollerance to anything! This article was a godsend! I NEED some sleep!!!!!!! Just getting Master 20 months back on track and hope it’s the light at the end of the tunnel I can see, not a freight train!
loading...
Oh it is torture! Number of times I’d go to work & function well since being up at 3am I can’t tell you. My husband works nightshifts. Now that’s a killer. Other commitments mean some 3 hrs erl only to recover. And a baby & toddler in the house. Sometimes we say why drag it out? Just finish us off now!!!!!
loading...
I am so sleep deprived I am sending myself into PND. I too am bad at asking for help. I even feel bad asking my husband to help more with our baby & toddler so I can recover/catch up/cope. I put his and our little ones needs before my own all the time, every day & night. Why? Because I think I should. Because I love them to bits, that unconditional thing. But I do feel a bit crazy sometimes, and I know I might crack, even just a little, sometimes. Hopefully the baby will start sleeping at night better soon. I don’t think or see how you can ‘outsource’ night baby care, that’s part of the gig isn’t it?
loading...
Please ask your husband for help. Even if he takes them for a walk, to the park, to the shops, whatever. An hour or 2 of sleep and peace and quiet will increase your coping and headspace immensely. My hubbie used to do this for me and god it was invaluable.
loading...
After 6 years of sleep deprivation, both my children are now, mostly, sleeping through the night. I feel alive again. I go out more, and enjoy the sunshine. I can even contemplate getting a job!
loading...
Daily Evening Primrose Oil Tablets and a “Fucking get over yourself and go with the flow-attitude” helps immensely. x
loading...
Do you mean that people who are chronically sleep deprived should get over themselves? Just wanting to clarify before I use what remaining energy I have on getting cranky…
loading...
omg, you described it SO perfectly!!! could’ve been written by me…
loading...
Thank you for the light at the end of the tunnel
loading...
Im there in the fog right now
loading...
I’m in the fog too with a two year old and 11mo twins. I occasionally accidentally run red lights and have found myself sometimes stopping when they are green. Very bad I know
loading...
I have been sleep deprived for 9 years – partly children, partly work and sometimes both!! Not looking like improving any time soon.
When I travel for work I joke that I don’t need a hotel room, I could just sleep in the bags under my eyes. It’s mostly a joke.
loading...
What do you mean it’s a first world problem? I’m so tired of this sentence….
Sleep deprivation is not a first world problem when it’s used as a torture device in times of war, it shouldn’t be dismissed when it happens in the first world either.
It can trigger dormant mental health issues (my uncle’s schizophrenia hit him like a truck after a sailing episode where he had to stay awake for days at a time. He came back and was instantly hospitalised. )
I’ve been lucky, my kids are good sleepers. But if you struggle, ask for help , sleep deprivation is not trivial, it can be dangerous.
loading...
As someone who has fallen asleep at the wheel I couldn’t agree more.
loading...
I agree – calling sleep deprivation a first world problem trivialises something very serious, and potentially deadly. My youngest sister died as a result of a dangerous sleeping tablet she was taking in a desperate bid to get some sleep while she was completing her PhD… I ended up spending three weeks in hospital when my eldest son was nine months old after being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, brought on by grief and nightmares associated with my sister’s death combined with chronic sleep deprivation resulting from having a baby who was still waking up to twelve times a night. I was in a ward with several women suffering from PND (some of whom were suicidal and/or having thoughts of harming their children), and for all of them, chronic sleep deprivation was a major issue and possibly the cause of their PND in some cases. Sleep is just as important to the healthy functioning of the mind and body as food, water, sunshine and exercise. Definitely not something to be trivialised.
loading...
We have been lucky enough that our kids are good sleepers in general. But the times where I have been up at night a lot with them (as newborns or when sick) has turned me into a blurry mess. I feel completely hungover from lack of sleep. Even if I haven’t had a drink in months.
A friend of mine has 2 kids who have been difficult sleepers. No amount of sleep school or anything has helped. She hasn’t slept more than 2 hours straight in 5 years. I really worry about her. She is a solicitor and works 3 days a week, I don’t know how she manages. She does things like put diesel in her car instead of petrol, forgets to do washing/grocery shopping, overcooks all the meals because she can’t concentrate, leaves the bath running and floods the bathroom. She needs help and needs sleep!
loading...
Both my kids have gone through crappy sleep phases and both of them have had a stint at sleep school. For parents of a child with ongoing sleep problems I urge you to seek help. Speak to your GP or MACH nurse. As a parent you get to a point where you are so sleep deprived it affects your judgement and your ability to cope. To be a good parent you need to take care of yourself so you can care for others. My only regret about my time at QEII in Canberra is that I waited so long before going.
loading...
I watched a friend turn into a completely different person as a result of extreme sleep deprivation after her first child was born. It was terrible to witness. It went on so long she ceased making any good decisions, she worried and panicked obsessively, she constantly threatened to leave her husband, she fell out with friends and family. She came up with all sorts of crazy-sounding plans, sometimes barely left the house for a week.
She saw all kinds of therapists and doctors and nothing much helped. And then! Her baby started sleeping after two years. Within a week, I could see the person I knew returning. After a sustained period, she was completely recovered. I’m left to conclude that sleep deprivation and the effects thereof are seriously underestimated. For some, it is totally devastating.
loading...
i dont have children at the moment but i fear how i will cope when we do decide i have to get at least 9 hours sleep a night just to function and get through the day……..haha however my mum used the controlled crying method on me when i was 6 months so i might go down the same path if i am not blessed with a baby that sleeps throughout the night..i understand that newborns need to be fed throughout the night thats part of the package u know bt if the baby is a few months older and still isnt settled control crying method it will be.
My gf’s baby has always since he was born slept alll the way through the night she even had to wake him up early in the morning to feed him haha
loading...
Mimi, I predict you will be surprised at how little sleep you can get and continue to function. I have 3 kids, and have only in the past 2 months had a consistent long, unbroken sleep filled nights. That is roughly 7 years plus of broken sleep. And I have to say now that I am getting that sleep it is taking some adjustment. I find I am tireder at 3pm now than I was when I was feeding a newborn! Hormones!
The other thing I’d say to you, as a mum of 3 kids, and 7 years in to this parenting caper is………. dont head into parenting with fixed ideas. You will need to be flexible to respond to your child and Every. Single. One is different! Controlled crying works for some, is anathema to others. Research your techniques, and don’t be afraid to change, or admit that what you thought would work isn’t.
loading...
I used control crying with the help of a sleep expert for all three of my kids and it worked a treat. From six months my twins were sleeping from seven to seven and I was reborn! My first child didn’t get help until he was one and it was the biggest mistake I could make. Those sleepless nights were hell and I landed myself in hospital with pnenomia and exhaustion for three weeks. Do what you have to do to survive. Sleep is a necessity not a luxury.
loading...
Ive always been a night owl and always considered myself pretty good at functioning with a small amount of sleep, and i thought this would set me in good stead for parenting, although i never publicly declared this – and a good thing too!
I was only just home from hospital with my newborn – and we had people come to visit, and it felt like they were talking from far away in the distance even though they were right next to me, i felt so spaced out and i couldnt even focus on things properly like the tv or the clock on the wall – i seriously thought i was dying, combined with the baby blues that were still hanging around, it was scary! a few hours of sleep that night helped immensely.
With a baby though came anxiety, particularly health related, and this has added to my lack of sleep, an insomnia i have never experienced before.
loading...
I am obsessed with sleep. I talk about it all the time. So many of my conversations throughout the day start with people asking if my bub is sleeping yet and then I always say no and then we talk about it…it’s so bloody boring but I can’t help it!!! 8 months and counting of barely more than 2 hours in a row…I try to be stoic but I am obsessed. And tired, oh so tired!
loading...
You have just relayed my story to me. Last night I was so looking forward to going to bed early as the previous 2 nights i had been working night fill and didnt get to bed until 1.30am but my 1 year old decided to stay up until 10pm then when i finally got into my cosy position my darling 5 year old decided that he would awaken and didnt go back to sleep for 2 hours. then my 3 year old graced me with her presence. they seem to take turns. One thing i know for sure, i am going to spend most of my 50′s sleeping
It is quite serious though but i hold faith and hope that all will balance out.
This post is great, thank you for postig it.
loading...
My kids are 23 and and 20.I still appreciate “sleeping through the night” without being woken up.I was traumatized by the sleep deprivation when they were babies.So yes..I am in my early 50′s and love sleep.
loading...
Great post! I have suffered from insomnia for the past 10 years. I had a baby 5 months ago & strangely enough my insomnia seemed cured. I am probably the only mother with a newborn who is sleeping better than ever. I never would have imagined that having a baby would wake me up! I know that I am an anomaly though & with my years of experience of not sleeping, my heart goes out to mums & dads everywhere…
loading...
haha maybe I should have a baby then.. lol
loading...
You are not alone!
I also suffer from insomnia and got the best quality and most quantity sleep in the first year of Red Rocket’s life. No idea why.
I’m now doing pregnancy insomnia…god let me sleep again when he is born.
loading...
Yes, I know all about this dreaded topic. I had my boys 20 mths apart. My eldest didn’t sleep through till he was 2.5 yrs. My youngest – well his is not yet two & wakes up atleast once a night. Before children, I had 10 hours of sleep a night, and anyless I would complain that I was soooo tired!! Little did I know what was infront of me, My problem was I would get “overtired” be soooo sleep deprived that I couldn’t settle down. Usually a warm bath helped – but who’s got time for that. Lately I’m feeling better, still tired, but better. My body is now able to go back to sleep quickly after waking in the middle of the night or if a boy wakes early ie: 5am, we can both get back to sleep easily (usually!)
loading...
My son is 5 and 1/2 and he has only recently started sleeping through the night. And now that he has I feel like me again!! I’m so glad to be back!
loading...
My son woke every 3 hours every night for 5 months. I know compared to a lot of you this us small fry but for that short amount of time my brain was fried. I kept locking him in the car – the locksmith and I became good friends!!
loading...
silent nights, by brian symonds. the sleep bible. thats all.
loading...
oh i know exactly about lack of sleep and what it does to your brain. I call it mushy mummy brain. And it is just like a fog has settled over everything and even just making a cup of tea can be a struggle to get it right. I even got to the stage of blurry vision and everyday words just looked foreign to me. Sometimes I couldn’t get the word “the” to look right. lol. The deprivation started in my last month of pregnancy with my first baby, I was so big and uncomfortable I just couldn’t sleep. He never slept through the night until he was 18 months old. 1 month later I had my second baby. He started to sleep through at about 2 and then a couple of months later he started having night terrors. That lasted about a year. So it was close to 5 years I had little or no sleep. My health had suffered, but the worst is just not being able to think and usually I am pretty switched on. It is so much nicer to be able to think clearly again and actually be able to finish a crossword puzzle.
loading...
Good lord. I’m 15 weeks pregnant and pretty anxious at the best of times, but this sounds terrifying. I love sleep and go insane when I get less than seven hours. Please tell me there are some good, sleepy kids?
And this might sound really, really bad and I understand if someone calls DHS on me, but…. can you just ignore them? Let them cry?
Is it babies who keep you up, or toddlers? Sorry for being ignorant, but I don’t have any friends with kids, my mum died last year and my mother-in-law is in England, so this whole baby thing is totally scary.
loading...
Emma, don’t be terrified. You will probably have a fabulous sleeper. And everyone just finds a way to cope with whatever they have because they are adorable bundles of joy! Lots of different views on leaving bubs to cry but general view seems to be that once they are 6 months old then you can. But clearly I am no sleep expert
loading...
Some people are lucky and have good sleepers. If you can stand it you can let them cry, but when they are newborns they cry for a reason and they do need to be fed through the night. You will probably find they go in phases of sleeping really well then not so well. For example when they start teething it can interrupt a previously good sleeper. The best thing you can do is not push yourself too hard during the day and sleep when the baby sleeps. Remember just because the house is a bit messy it doesn’t mean it it dirty.
loading...
Some girlfriends of mine swear by Gina Ford’s books (she’s very controversial) – as far as I can tell, you basically train the baby to sleep at certain times and let them cry and so they learn to settle themselves.
Apparently Tizzie Hall has a less controversial method that can work too.
Some (mostly earth mother types) think its all child abuse, and it won’t work for everyone, but I know a lot of busy mothers who worship Gina!!!
loading...
I am by no means an earth mother type but I found it very hard to let my babies cry when they were new borns, it ripped my guts out. When they were about 4-6 months I did use the controlled crying method to get them to settle them selves to sleep and it worked very well.
loading...
I swear by the gina ford books…a girlfriend of mine had used them for her 3 kids and passed them onto me and they have been brilliant with my 2. Kind of like an idiots guide to getting your kid to sleep. My first slept through at 9 weeks and my second at 12 (he had some other issues we were dealing with). I took what she said as a guide and found the routine sooo helpful. It is definitely worth a read if you want some guidance!
loading...
I’m a Gina worshipper – have used v successfully with all three children. Got slacker with each one, each one took a little longer to sleep through the night but all done at about 5 months which I think is a very reasonable age to expect a newborn to sleep through. Have never done more than about a minute’s worth of ‘controlled crying’ with any of them. Gina doesn’t actually advocate any form of letting a baby cry until at least 6 months and then only in some circumstances. I think probably the most controversial part for many mothers (apart from her extremely bossy tone) is the fact that you wake your baby up during the day. Some people can’t bear doing that. Rgds, 2c Worth
loading...
Aww sorry to freak you out. Yes it is hard, there is no point denying it, but somehow you find an inner strenght and keep going. And sleep when baby sleeps!!! I am finding it really hard now Miss C refuses a day nap but until then I would always nap when they do. Even if it was 20 mins here or there. Cleaning can wait. And get as much help as you can, especially in those first few weeks. But like the others have said, just don’t be too hard on yourself. If I’ve had a rought night, I don’t do much the next day. And bed time is about 8.30pm. I know one day it will get better. In the meantime I try to enjoy the cute moments!
loading...
First of all congratulations! You’re life is going to change in an awesome way :O) It sounds hard but somehow you just adapt. Some of the best times are the feeding at night times – very special. it sucks when they won’t sleep for some other reason but eventually they learn to sleep through. I was lucky with a nice sleepy baby and used Tizzie Halls methods, but they don’t suit everybody and you will know what to do when you’re doing it. Just have faith that you know your baby better than anyone else and what you decide is right! If you have a baby that doesn’t love sleep so much, I would recommend to accept as much help as is offered and sleep when the baby does – don’t be too hard on yourself :O)
Good luck!
loading...
Thanks so much ladies! I just have to hope for a good sleeper and to remember to take it easy. My husband is very relaxed and loves his sleep so hopefully the baby inherits his sleepiness.
I have read a few baby books, but they are a bit overwhelming. Most people just say ‘Oh, you’ll see!’ when I interrogate them about what it is actually like to have a newborn, or just tell me horror stories which scare the crap outta me. It’s great to get a real perspective on what it will be like, so thanks.
loading...
Just quietly, both my babies slept 12 hours a night from 9 weeks – it does happen! Not trying to be cocky, it is all luck, but you’ve gotta balance the good stories with the bad hey?
loading...
I have never been so envious in my entire life
loading...
Emma, having a brand new newborn is gorgeous, terrifying, dizzyingly exhilarating and exhausting all at once! They feed and sleep frequently for the first 4 weeks or so, at 6 weeks they tend to wake up a bit. As a guide, mine fed on average 3-4hrly (on breast). Sounds ok, but remember a feed can take an hour at first (depending on their latching abilities). Your heart will likely feel like its bursting with protectiveness and the smallest thing will leave you in puddles of tears! Rely on people, if people ask you what you would like I’d recommend nappies and meals (particularly ones that can be frozen!). I think the best pressie we received when our 3rd was born was a fresh-cooked mushroom quiche! And soak in the advice of midwives, Mach nurses and even other mums at the shopping centers. I always treated any info I got as if it was in a library – I’d listen ( read the back of the book) and either take or store away as yes/no/maybe info! My sleep bible-author was Tracey Hogg. A dear friend swears by Pinky McKay. Above all, expect the unexpected. Our first slept a full night about 10 weeks. Our 2nd from 6 and our 3rd about 15. They do things in their own time, much like we do as adults!
loading...
Emma please just ask for help when you need it.
I didn’t have family around, have a history of anxiety and depression and resisted help for 4 months. I almost killed myself.
I used a book which I won’t name here but it is well known and has structured routines in it. It was a God send, it literally saved my life. I wish I had used it earlier (around 8 weeks) although I am glad that I didn’t use it straight away.
My husband wanted to stop being so strict with the routine and started holding my baby to sleep when he was 9 months old and going through a sleep regression (they do this when they hit developmental milestones). My baby that used to settle himself to sleep and sleep through the night started waking up again at night and refused to settle himself at all. Now we are going though the heartbreaking process of controlled crying – which is much worse at 11 and a half months than the method we used at 4 months.
The structured routine worked for me because I am a control freak. Other friends have coslept and followed the attachment parenting model and loved it. At the end of the day you just have to do what you think is right for you and your family.
Good luck.
loading...
I have a 4 week old bubba and am currently in the sleep deprivation haze. I’m lucky that my two older kids are fantastic sleepers so it only leaves me the night feeds for the baby. But it’s the 5-5.30am feed that kills me. For some reason I find it really hard to wake up at that time. Hubby knows that a sleep in is the greatest gift he could give me over the coming Christmas break! Let’s hope I get one.
loading...
Oh too true! Any feed BEFORE 3am is better than the 5am-er, blergh.
loading...
The first thing to go for me is my sense of humour. Bah!
loading...
Saw a T-Shirt the other day:
“All Mum wants for Christmas is a Silent Night.”
loading...
Still trying to get back into proper sleep habits and my youngest is 8!
Just a small point – sleep deprivation is not just a first world problem. Being forced to work in a factory for 16 hours per day with no days off, or subsistence farming or any other situation where poverty forces extreme working conditions, these are life and soul destroying!
loading...
Not that I am comparing, but I too am going through sleep depravation. My daughter is now 4.5 and she hasn’t slept thru for all that time. Mum is a nurse so she needs here sleep, but it has taken it’s toll on me too. With a 10 yr old and a 2 yr old as well, life is hectic enough.
Santa, bring me a sleeping daughter…
loading...
My husband does most of the night shift. You guys are amazing but seem to be few and far between.
loading...
My daughter will be 5 on Monday and she still doesn’t sleep through the night.
I can literally count the number of times she’s slept all night on one hand.
It takes forever for her to fall asleep, I read countless stories and sing songs, I have to sit there holding her hand until she’s in a deep sleep or she’ll wake up when I try to leave.
Then she’ll be awake within a few hours, crying and scared and she comes and sleeps on the floor in our room (on her flipout sofa)
She used to have really bad night terrors but they’ve stopped, now it’s just ‘scary dreams’ or ‘spookies’ lol
I’m so.tired.and.cranky ALL the time. Luckily my 2 year old sleeps through the night now, but I’m exhausted!!
All I want for christmas is some sleeeeeeep!
loading...
At least the night terrors have stopped. If it make you feel any better my 7yo still sneaks into bed with me at night after he has had a bad dream or something has spooked him.
loading...
My now 3 and 5yo were both pretty good and slept through consistently from 5-6 months. So it’s been about 2.5yrs that I’ve had reasonably good sleep. However in about 3-4 weeks I’ll have no.3 and I’m absolutely DREADING the lack of sleep again! Especially having to deal with school runs as well. Arrrgghhhh!
loading...
I can so relate to this post! Recently my husband said to me ‘You’ve been in such a good mood lately, you’re really cheerful’ as though he was slightly confused about this change in me. And I replied ‘I’VE BEEN SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER A YEAR. I WAS EXHAUSTED FFS.’ Which wasn’t a very cheerful response, but the previously sleep deprived version of myself felt slightly defensive!
I have had bad sleepers both times and have learnt to exist within the fog of sleep deprivation. What choice do you have but to? The second time around I even managed to have a really busy work schedule and survive on adrenaline alone, proclaiming that I was fine and could cope without sleep.
But it wasn’t my daughter started sleeping through and I had a few weeks of uninterrupted sleep that I realised just had crap I had been feeling. I had forgotten what it was like to not be exhausted and irritable. And although I was coping and could put on a brave face for my friends, work mates and children, my husband bore the brunt of how I was really feeling. Lucky him.
At least this time round I knew it was just a temporary state of being and that eventually my daughter and I would sleep through the night again, just as my son and I did. So to those who aren’t sleeping, remember this too shall pass and you will regain your cheerful self again. Most of the time, anyway
loading...
Am happy to help anyone with sleep issues… may be able to troubleshoot advice to a few of you..
as Mia says 3am a very lonely place to be with a crying baby.
loading...
Yes I’ve experienced sleep deprivation! I even named my blog after it! It’s so cruel! But finally I now get 8 hours sleep a night, most nights. You can totally understand why it’s a form of torture.
loading...
I read the first sentence as “I realised the frog had lifted.”
Made me laugh! Probably not the intended result of the article, so now I’m going to go back and read it properly.
loading...
Have never commented before but this post hit my core. 9 months ago with severe sleep deprivation and interruption caused by a 6 month old baby and the sudden death of a close friend who’d also given birth to her second saw me spiral into PND. There is no history in our family and I didn’t even get the baby blues. Granted we don’t have any family support. I can’t stess enough the importance of sleep and ignoring the housework and mess about you in favour of sleep. I could no longer function enough to even want to be around my children. I was definitely a danger driving. I knew I couldn’t put on a face of happiness any longer. This was not me. I couldn’t recognise the person I’d become. Fortunately a brilliant GP saw the signs and strongly recommended councelling and medication. I was scared at first that the clinical psychologist would uncover some hidden issues I wasn’t even aware of. Nope, after 2 short sessions I was good to go back to my life. Now 9 months on I love playing with my kids, a messy house doesn’t bother me and I no longer crave sleep. Being medicated gave me the perspective I needed to be able to cope and devise a way of helping my little one learn to sleep and resettle. Life is good again and I’m me again.
loading...
Great post. I think about sleep constantly. I never stop craving it. My ultimate fantasy is to spend a weekend in bed alone. Actually a week. Maybe even a month…
loading...
Haha Kerri we have the same fantasy!
loading...
My fantasy is to check into a 5 star hotel for 2 nights by myself and sleep and eat room service and watch in-house movies!
loading...
My baby is not a great sleeper, but there are many who are worse.
I’m pretty tired.
Yesterday I was trying to make her a Doctor’s appointment, and the receptionist asked for my daughter’s surname. I just looked at her blankly, even though it is the same as mine!
loading...
I struggle to remember my kids birth dates when im filling in forms, I have to stop and think about which child it is. I only have 2 of them!
loading...
Oh, same! I had to give my eldest son’s birthdate just the other day and the lady said, “Um, I don’t think that’s right. That would make him 16.” (He’s 5!) So I said, “Sorry, you should probably have asked me the other son’s birthday, I can remember that one ’cause at least it rhymes!” Then I felt like an even worse mother…
loading...
I have chronic fatigue so I don’t get restful sleep but am currently trying acupuncture (fingers crossed). I have no idea how parents do it. If I play with my niece for too long I am absolutely buttered and HAVE to go lie down or I will fall down. Before I had CFS I had an elderly dog that used to have to go out at night at least twice a night. I used to be asleep and hear the bark and just pray she would just go back to sleep. Nope! All I had to do was let her out and wait for her to come back inside but man was I cranky! I could not not not feed a baby or do anything more complicated than lean against a door and whinge. No babies for me for a long time thanks! But good on all you Mums and Dads that are going through this.
loading...
What exactly does a Press Secretary do? I have always wondered? Sounds impressive!
I hate sleep deprivation, I have always been an 8 hours a night girl and sleep deprivation with my boys when they were newborns nearly destroyed me! I used to fantasize about sleep!!
loading...
A Press Secretary advises on all things media related for the PM and coordinates media events, interviews etc
loading...