This is a letter from Stephanie:
I have a question on motherhood…and I hope this is not too personal. I am interested in sibling age gaps and the effect it has on family dynamics. I have 2 brothers, 5 and 10 years younger than me. My 23 year old brother is my good friend. My 18 year old brother is like another child! I have a…..
…….very maternal bond with him. My husband has two brothers also, who he has a polite, cordial relationship with. They get on, but are by no means friends. And yet they are 2 and 3 years apart.
My husband and I have a 3 year old and have started thinking about having a second child. People have started commenting about the age gap there will be already, at least 4 years by the time a baby comes along, if it happens straight away. I dont want the age gap too large, cause I dont want Jack to have too much of a sense of responsibility for a younger sibling, much like I felt for my youngest brother. That said, I am never going to be someone who has their children close together because I dont have that kind of patience!
I had noticed a large age gap between your son and daughter. If you dont mind me asking, did you have a personal reason for the large age gap? When your daughter was born, how did your son react? Did you find it easier to cope with a newborn, when her sibling was at an age where he could understand and help? What is their relationship like now? Is it more a friendship, or “caring/watching out for” type of bond?
Well, there is a reason for the age gap and…..you’ll have to wait until my book comes out to find out what it was. I’m such a tease that way. But it was not intended, no and I used to stress about it massively. Turns out it works fine. Some easier things (Luca will be able to drive the younger ones to sport in a few years) and some harder ones (the issues around parenting a pre-teen a preschooler and a baby are fairly disparate).
Over to you, mamamia readers. What do you think about sibling age gaps – either the ones between you and your siblings or the ones between your own kids….
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Top Comments
Growing up there was just two years between me and my brother. Then my mum had two more kids, so there's 15 years between me and my brother, 19 for my sister. It's definitely weird because I feel more like their mum than their sister. I had a bigger impact on my brother because I was home until he was 3, but I've never lived with my sister because I was already at uni.
There's no right or wrong. I get along better with the younger ones than the one closer in age.
I'm the youngest of three. We're 19, 24 and 28. My brother and sister were very close... until I was born. Then my sister, the middle child, started to feel... like she was missing out, maybe? I'm not sure. Anyway, for most of my childhood, my sister was older enough to be cool, but young enough for me to think she was accessible - I would follow her around try to be friends with her friends. She hated it. My brother was old enough to be on a pedestal, but also mature enough to look out for me. His friends thought of me as the cute little kid, not the annoying sibling who was always in the way. I suspect my brother looked at my sister the way she looked at me. For whatever reason, she never really consistently got along with either of us, whereas we got along great. And presented a united front against her.
These days, I am the only family member my sister still actively likes (unless you count the handouts from Mummy Dearest). I can deal with her, but only in small doses. My brother and I get along pretty well, live in the same city, see each other often, and he is still playing surrogate parent for my sometimes. He had to do it when he was in uni and I was in boarding school, so I guess it kind of stuck. I guess what makes the difference is not necessarily the age. Brother and sister are polar opposites, whereas I think I am an amalgam of the two.