I come from (for lack of a better term) a ‘Brady Bunch’ family. I grew up super close to my siblings and now they are my best friends. I have great relationship with my parents and I always have. Everyone is always in each others business, everybody knows everything about each other and ‘I loves yous’ are given out like presents at Christmas.
My sister, Clare, is an amazing person. She is the type of person that says ‘Good Morning’ to strangers in the street and someone that you could call, day or night, and she would drop everything just to listen to you. I am in awe of her. I always have been.
Actually I’m pretty sure that growing up, my friends wanted to be her friend more than mine. I didn’t mind though, I liked it, it made me special for having the best sister going round. My sister is my person (Grey’s Anatomy term) I call her daily and I’m at her house constantly. When she gave birth to her son, my nephew, Rory, I was instantly over the moon in love. I had never felt love like that before.
Clare was (is) a great mum and I am constantly proud of her for what she achieves as a mum and a woman. I was so lucky to have Rory in my life and be given the opportunity to spend heaps of time with him. When he was first brought home from the hospital I was at their house more than my own and I even got to spend one night a week with him, while his parents slept. This was my favourite time. I felt so close to him, I think this time helped secure our bond. He was, and still is, my favourite person in this world. He is my reason to smile and be happy everyday.
So when I found out that my sister was expecting her second child, I was thrilled. Another baby to love, what could be better? The whole family was stoked, a sibling for Rory, another grandchild, another family member to spoil. But then at Clare’s 20 week scan, she found out that something was wrong with her baby’s heart. Something was very wrong.
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This article really hits close to home for me. My older sister on her first pregnancy fell pregnant with triplets. What is still the worst day of my life was the day they came early and she had to naturally give birth to three still born girls. Our family never recovered from this and it deeply hurts each of us. At the time I was only 18 and had no idea how to handle the situation. I tired to be supportive without knowing how. After a few years and two more angel babies my sister gave birth to a healthy son then a few years later another daughter. But even with them here the ache of loosing those girls is felt all the time. And I think of how I feel and how my sister must suffer beyond imagine. And even though she pulled away from us we try not to take it personally as she has done what she had to to get through each day.
But some advice and can pass on to anyone who knows of someone who has lost a child,
Never say: 'you need to move on' they'll never move on
'you need to move forward' they will do what they can when they can
'they're in a better place' actually don't mention religion at all because after something like this happens it can be extreamly difficult to believe why a god would do this and the person may not be religious.
Some things to to say
'I'm here for you, call me anytime and I'll be there'
'How are you feeling today, can I get you anything or do you want to talk about anything?'
And if you cant think of anything to say just simply give them a hug.
My heart goes out to anyone who has gone through something like this.
My mum sent flowers and a birthday card on the anniversary of my cousins birth and death (he died not long after birth). Our cousin called my parents to thank them because they were the only people who acknowledged what would have been his first birthday. For her having a birthday card addressed to him with all the hopes and wishes that would have been given to him was really comforting for her and helped her with her grief. This may not be for everyone but it showed that he wasn't forgotten and all these years later she still has that card showing that someone remembered her little boy on one of the toughest days of her life.