by STELLA YOUNG
I don’t know Scott Hamilton personally but that guy is really starting to burn my crumpets.
You’ve heard of him, I’m sure. He’s the one who said “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” You know, that quote that’s plastered all over pictures of disabled people doing completely normal things and shared far and wide on social media.
Hamilton is a figure skater who has had cancer more than once and has survived after lots of treatment. Good for him. Although how it qualifies him to make such a bold sweeping statement about disability, I can’t quite grasp. I’ll get to that in a moment. Firstly, I want to address the images that his slogan so often accompanies.
Those images constitute what’s called inspiration porn.
Inspiration porn is an image of a person with a disability, often a kid, doing something completely ordinary – like playing, or talking, or running, or drawing a picture, or hitting a tennis ball – carrying a caption like “your excuse is invalid” or “before you quit, try”. Increasingly, they feature the Hamilton quote.
There’s the one pictured here. It’s of a little girl running on a set of prosthetic legs alongside Oscar Pistorius, also using similar prostheses. Those legs, for the record, cost upwards of $20,000 and are completely out of reach for most people with disabilities. The Hamilton quote is plastered across the photo.
And there’s another one of a little boy running on those same model legs with the caption, “Your excuse is invalid”. Yes, you can take a moment here to ponder the use of the word “invalid” in a disability context. Ahem.
Then there’s the one with the little girl with no hands drawing a picture holding the pencil in her mouth with the caption, “Before you quit. Try.”
I’d go on, but I might expunge the contents of my stomach.
Let me be clear about the intent of this inspiration porn; it’s there so that non-disabled people can put their worries into perspective. So they can go, “Oh well if that kid who doesn’t have any legs can smile while he’s having an awesome time, I should never, EVER feel bad about my life”. It’s there so that non-disabled people can look at us and think “well, it could be worse… I could be that person”.
In this way, these modified images exceptionalise and objectify those of us they claim to represent. It’s no coincidence that these genuinely adorable disabled kids in these images are never named: it doesn’t matter what their names are, they’re just there as objects of inspiration.
But using these images as feel-good tools, as “inspiration”, is based on an assumption that the people in them have terrible lives, and that it takes some extra kind of pluck or courage to live them.
For many of us, that is just not true.
When I was 15, a member of my local community approached my parents and told them she wanted to nominate me for some kind of community achievement award. My parents said, “Thanks, but there’s one glaring problem with that… she hasn’t actually achieved anything out of the ordinary.”
They were right. I went to school, I got good marks, I had a very low key after-school job, and I spent a lot of time watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dawson’s Creek. I wasn’t feeding orphaned Chlamydia-infected baby koalas before school, or setting up a soup kitchen in the main street, or reading newspapers to the elderly at the local hospital. I was doing exactly the same things as my non-disabled friends. When my parents explained all this to the well-meaning nominator, they said “yes, but she’s just such an inspiration”.
And there’s the rub. My everyday life in which I do exactly the same things as everyone else should not inspire people, and yet I am constantly congratulated by strangers for simply existing. It happened twice last week.
I was on a train with my earphones shoved in my ears completely ignoring my fellow commuters (as is my want early in the morning) while reading inane things on twitter. A woman on her way to getting off at her stop patted me on the arm and said “I see you on the train every morning and I just wanted to say it’s great. You’re an inspiration to me.”
Should I have said “you too”? Because we were doing exactly the same thing; catching public transport to our respective places of employment. I was just doing it sitting down. Should I have pointed out that, in many ways, that requires less effort, not more?
That’s the thing about those kids in the inspiration porn pictures too – they’re not doing anything their peers don’t do. We all learn how to use the bodies we’re born with, or learn to use them in an adjusted state, whether those bodies are considered disabled or not. So that image of the kid drawing a picture with the pencil held in her mouth instead of her hand? That’s just the best way for her, in her body, to do it. For her, it’s normal.
I can’t help but wonder whether the source of this strange assumption that living our lives takes some particular kind of courage is the news media, an incredibly powerful tool in shaping the way we think about disability. Most journalists seem utterly incapable of writing or talking about a person with a disability without using phrases like “overcoming disability”, “brave”, “suffers from”, “defying the odds”, “wheelchair bound” or, my personal favourite, “inspirational”.
If we even begin to question the way we’re labelled, we slide immediately to the other end of the scale and become “bitter” and “ungrateful”. We fail to be what people expect.
Which brings us back to Scott Hamilton and his mantra. The statement “the only disability in life is a bad attitude” puts the responsibility for our oppression squarely at the feet, prosthetic or otherwise, of people with disabilities. It’s victim blaming. It says that we have complete control of the way disability impacts our lives. To that, I have one thing to say. Get stuffed.
By far the most disabling thing in my life is the physical environment. It dictates what I can and can’t do every day. But if Hamilton is to be believed, I should just be able to smile at an inaccessible entrance to a building long enough and it will magically turn into a ramp. I can make accessible toilets appear where none existed before, simply by radiating a positive attitude. I can simply turn that frown upside down in the face of a flight of stairs with no lift in sight. Problem solved, right?
I’m a natural optimist, but none of that has ever worked for me.
Inspiration porn shames people with disabilities. It says that if we fail to be happy, to smile and to live lives that make those around us feel good, it’s because we’re not trying hard enough. Our attitude is just not positive enough. It’s our fault. Not to mention what it means for people whose disabilities are not visible, like people with chronic or mental illness, who often battle the assumption that it’s all about attitude. And we’re not allowed to be angry and upset, because then we’d be “bad” disabled people. We wouldn’t be doing our very best to “overcome” our disabilities.
I suppose it doesn’t matter what inspiration porn says to us as people with disabilities. It’s not actually about us. Disability is complex. You can’t sum it up in a cute picture with a heart-warming quote. So next time you’re tempted to share that picture of an adorable kid with a disability to make your facebook friends feel good, just take a second to consider why you’re really clicking that button.
This piece was originally published on ABC Ramp Up.
Stella Young is a disability activist, comedian, knitter and the Editor of Ramp Up, the ABC’s online space for news, opinion and discussion of disability issues. You can follow her on twitter here.
Have you ever found yourself hearing the story of someone with disability and thought of them as inspirational? Do you think that counts as ‘inspiration porn’? Have you ever shared the type of pictures in this post on Facebook or by email? Will you do so again?







Comments
152 Comments so far
Stella, I enjoyed reading this, written in your inimitable ‘take no prisoners’ style. But I disagreed with just about everything, as I was reading it, like we were discussing different theories of the universe. I’ve never heard of Scott Hamilton, even though I’ve seen the pic of Oscar and the little girl matching it with her prosthetics. From that picture, I got a message something like, ‘The only disability in life is your attitude, if it stops you from having a go at something you might be able to do’. There is no comparison between, or separation into, ‘us’ and ‘them’, no extra dose of pity meted out. To me, the little girl looks like she is having a red-hot crack at running in her prostheses (which anyone who has ever had two numb feet, knows cannot be easy). She’s having a go at something that maybe is hard, and she will probably fall, but it could well turn out to be enormously fun in the long run. And yes, running legs aren’t cheap, but for a lot of kids in Australia at least, if their need becomes known to some of our community groups, people can and do undertake to help fundraise towards provision of aids and gear. I don’t think phrases like ‘Impossible is nothing’ (is that from an ad??), are meant to be a taunt or a brick wall in front of a person with a disability. Is it a crime to encourage a kid with a disability to dream big, any more than his able-bodied brother?
I also couldn’t agree with the premise that when we see someone with a disability, in pics, or in our daily lives, that we make an assumption that that person must be very ‘brave’ because their lives must be ‘terrible’. Or that we remind ourselves to be thankful, and chastise ourselves for not doing enough, since we are not dealing with the same challenges. Really? When I see the person in the wheelchair waiting in the train vestibule for the guard with the ramp, my first thought is, “Is the guard definitely coming?”, until I see them approach with the ramp. Because it does indeed suck, to miss getting out at your stop, but especially when you can’t stick your arm out the door to wave for attention. I see people in situations that I feel must be testing their patience, waiting for enough room to push through in their chair, or repeating themselves over and over when someone struggles to understand.
Maybe the word ‘inspiration’ isn’t the right word. Maybe sometimes it’s someone’s tenacity that I admire – because learning to write with your mouth looks tricky to master. And in another sense, how is my admiration for someone’s level of skill, like mouth painting, any different from my admiration for the pole-vaulter I see on TV? They are both doing something I appreciate, as a skill that I don’t have, and might never possess, despite my best endeavours.
I don’t think I’m relying on anyone to be my pinup for a ‘feelgood’ fix. What gives me a buzz in life, is giving someone a smile, an acknowledgement of their existence. Maybe the lady who gave you kudos on the train, was referring to your writing, and your satirical style, when she said you were an inspiration to her? That was my first thought when I read it. Then again, I am drawn to your words probably because your style is bolder than mine, so I appreciate our differences. I am eternally looking for a diplomatic way to say what you will just rip out with in your columns. Thanks for the article.
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Not to mention that there are numerous disabilities that don’t show up in photographs and indeed do not serve the “inspiration porn” message well.
For instance, nobody is taking pictures of people suffering from depression or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia and saying “the only disability is a bad attitude.”
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My own disabilities are quite invisible. Indeed, I can be suffering the greatest pain, fatigue and cognitive impairment, and yet, people will see me and think, “Wow, she looks great. She must be doing well.”
My impairments also include bouts with severe depression. A picture of me slouching in bed, not having had a shower for days, stuffing bag after bag of chips in my mouth — not much inspiration in that, for sure. Now imagine a photograph of that where it says “the only disability is a bad attitude.”
See, a whole lot of people think that depression is just “a bad attitude.” Now, I have overcome that so-called “bad attitude,” but whatever inspiration my story could represent, realistically would have to include all the people who helped me. But that doesn’t make a great inspiration porn photo, either.
Focusing on “attitudes” leaves us all with the impression that success in life is solely dependent on the individual’s attitude, and of course, attitudes are easily changed, right? I mean, SNAP OUT OF IT for heaven’s sake! Can’t you see there are so many people who are worse off than you, but look at them, they aren’t wallowing in self-pity, are they?
Inspiration porn is often used to psychologically beat up people who are disabled by their “bad attitude.”
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I have a son with multiple disabilities. To say we stand out in public is an understatement. The way-too-long incredibly uncomfortable stares we get from people would make standard people have a meltdown (I use the word standard instead of normal). I get the “I don’t know how you do it” comment several times a day. 10 years on and I still don’t know how to respond.
You know what I think Stella’s saying? We want to be included in ‘Standard’, we want you to see a person with a disability and give no special thought, no second glance, no head-tilt-with-slight-smile-of-compasion, yes if you know us well feel free to tell us ‘well that’s shit’ but don’t assume just because of a disability we will smile and thank you for your kind smile or words, not saying we won’t do that, but the stereotype boils my blood.
Having said that…sorry Stella I think you’re AWESOME! The more we speak out, the more exposure we control the better!
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I work with a very diverse range of people, including people with a disability, and I’ve often wondered about a number of these issues and how they are received by people with visible and invisible disabilities.
This piece caused me to rethink my assumptions and brought a great deal of clairity.
A thought- provoking, well written and wonderfully honest article, thank you!
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Excellent piece. Says it all. I am a depressed parent of a child with a disability, so this covers all bases for me! Thank God for people like Stella who have the capability and the audience to say what we are feeling.
()())
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First off, Scott Hamilton was born with clubbed feet and also with Shwachman–Diamond syndrome, abandoned by his biological parents, and adopted at 6 weeks of age. Her grew up and became a very successful professional ice skater. The testicular cancer occurred in his adult life, after his skating career was well-established, and that is nothing to sneer at either. So get over yourself and your facts straight before you attack someone else or mock their life challenges.
We all have ‘em to some degree…you aren’t the only one. You use a wheelchair to get around? Big deal, everyone’s got problems in some way…every single person you encounter has SOME challenge in life that you don’t even see. Stop judging. Life challenges are all relative. Every day north of the dirt is a good one, so put your big girl panties on and pony up & quit whining.
Look, let’s get this straight; I’m not a fan of pimping people with disabilities (I have a few of my own, not that it’s really germane to this commentary) or worse, The Children, but I don’t waste energy working myself into a rage over their idiocy. It is what it is, and you can’t fix stupid.
I consider it a blessing if my life in ANY way can make someone else’s life better, and I am always grateful if I come across someone else who makes my life better. There is more than enough rage, self-righteousness and anger in the world to go around several times over. As for me, I’m just darn glad I’m still breathing.
Think about not adding to the mountain of ugly, and if you choose to not add beauty and joy to the world, at least don’t make things worse with anger and sanctimonious ugliness.
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I think you missed the point
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The other thing that really bugged me. I was in a special needs inclusion program in 11th Grade; and we had multiple opportunities to do life related things I.E partake in a 8 week work experience program that was most likely to find us a job, write our life stories that would be displayed all across the ACT, and a few others. Now who got all of these privileges? (Note: this was before my panic attacks and depression came in so I can’t reason that they wanted to ‘protect’ me) Not me and the 2 other people with mild disabilties that fought and studied our ways to the top of the program, no it was ones that they thought would ‘sell’ disabled better, i.e my friend with downs, my friend who was in a walking frame, a friend who had a serious illness (that could be prevented by taking protective measures). They reasoned I had “achieved” enough by being voted onto the SRC, and gave me and the other 2 people a ‘volunteer’ placement fetching coffee for people and when it was reported they lied and claimed it was going to be a traineeship. The teachers also tried to force us into retail claiming that we were setting ourselves up for failure if we tried to do anything else and telling us that doing any tafe courses was just a waste of government money >.<
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Hi Emily,
I have an “invisibility” and sometimes it is extremely difficult. Last night, I felt rotten ducking out of the toilet queue into the empty disabled toilet. I have no sign on my forehead outlining my medical issues but I do have a disabled parking permit, which again I feel I need to justify most of the time. I am always needing to explain myself.
It’s a real shame those teachers didn’t give you a go but they probably thought they were doing the right thing. Good you could share you experience here and enlighten others. Go for it!
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I loved this Stella – mind you if I lived in sydney and saw you on a train I’d probably run up and give you a High-five. But moving along. Yes as someone with multiple disabilities this annoys me greatly. Especially when my employer introduces me as “This is Emily, one of our disabled employees” >.< I love the woman don't get me wrong, but that really just irks me. Secondly, I've managed to kick myself up the arse a few times with treating people differently. I was working in a very noisy environment (I'm *living* with a hearing impairment amongst other things) and a young girl walked in wearing a hearing aid. She couldn't hear me correctly, so I spoke louder and more clearly, and I could see the disappointment in her face. I quickly covered up with "I'm sorry about that I'm deaf in one ear and couldn't hear you myself" but I still felt absolutely awful.
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My other pet hate is when people are described as brave or courageous for fighting cancer. For mine, being brave is going against your natural instinct – like running into a fire to save someone, or facing down a three headed monster. Simply wanting to stay alive isn’t brave, it is normal. People ask me “how I do it” because I have five kids and I say, same way I did it when I had three kids.
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Stella, the more I read your writing the more I enjoy it. It’s intelligent, thought-provoking, funny and extremely well-written.
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Stella, this was a fantastic article – thank you!
I just think that you having had to adapt to a ‘normal life’ using the body that you were born with has been met with obstacles that other able-bodied persons haven’t been forced to deal with. At the end of the day, even if you aren’t doing anything extraordinary, you have still had to face challenges to get to the same point as the majority and I completely understand how some (well, many apparently) would find that incredibly inspirational!
I assume that your disability is congenital and I feel that you may have a different perspective on life than someone with an acquired disability. For as long as you can probably remember, this was normal for you, and something that you simply adapted to. If I were to become disabled tomorrow in an accident (forbid!) and then have to adjust to life without the use of my legs, I can’t even imagine the pain and devastating impact that would have on my life. Maybe I’d eventually learn to live with it and lead a happy life. Maybe I would be shattered, left with little self-esteem and reminiscent of the life and ability that I once had, now having to face a host of challenges I’d never been exposed to. If I eventually started riding the train again and someone thought I was inspirational, then I’d probably agree with them.
My point is, I think that there might be vast differences between those with congenital vs acquired disabilities. Would anyone be able to comment on this further?
Anyway, my personal musings aside, I find this topic very interesting and genuinely loved your article. You’re a very talented writer!
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I lost all the hair on my head, face, body. Everyone says they they could not cope if this happened to them. Um, yes, you would. You just have to.
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Great article Stella. I see this all the time, not jut with people with disabilities but survivors of tragedies too. It is like we want to push them as quickly as possible into the nice neat box of “inspirational survivor” so we can feel better about the fact that it hasn’t happened to is. It’s like we can’t wait for people to say ” I think we have grown into better people for having gone through this” . It robs people of the right to say ” well that was completely shit and sometimes I just stay in my bed all day and cry” .
The whole inspiration porn ( a term which I love and wish I had thought of it) tries to make people two dimensional.
Life sucks sometimes. We don’t have to feel happy and empowered ALL the time. Sometimes all of us feel like we can conquer anything, sometimes we doubt our ability to make it through the day. Why should people with disabilities or survivors be any different?
It’s not their job to make us feel good about our lives. As a community we should support each other through the good and bad times. As uncomfortable as those bad times may be.
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Exactly right. I have gone through a frightening and traumatic situation all year (it’s ongoing but I’ve reached some level of…normality, I guess?) and have had several well-meaning people say, “You’re doing so well. You’re such a strong person.” I’m not doing well and I don’t feel strong. I feel like a shitscared little kid, but as someone in their 30s living a “surface functional” life I’ve learned to not talk about stuff much, as I don’t want to be “that person” who never shuts up about their problems (without that regular hour in my psychologist’s office I’d be stuffed). I’m not strong at all. I just know that people get compassion fatigue after a few months.
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Hey Diana, we keep agreeing with other. So nice to know there is two of us.
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Hi Diana, from my personal experience (I hope this of help), after perhaps 2 years in Psychological therapy, one does learn to live with PTSD. One does not “get over it” as such, one learns to “reframe” events on the fly so to speak. Best wishes to you.
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Wonderfully written and totally on the money.
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Stella, you make some good points but I feel we need to do more about acknowledging the inspirational things people do, not less. I have a chronic health condition which sort of puts me in the disability camp even though I look “normal” most of the time. I appreciate it when people acknowledge that I inspire them. I aim to be inspiring. Not because of my health situation but because I believe good character is important. So many people are dealing with hardships of all shapes and sizes and need encouragement. Seeing somebody who has an outward manifestation of that struggle getting on with everyday life encourages them. I have regular blood transfusions along side chemo patients and I regularly ask people how they get by. The most common and almost universal response is that there is always someone worse off. I have also wondered if the person who is actually the worst off in the world is actually unhappy. They might be one of the happiest people in the world.
That said, I do agree with your comments about inspiration porn.
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Oh dear, just after reading this article the top story on my news feed was a picture of a disabled dog next to a disabled child… apparently “no words are needed”…
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Great piece, Stella.
I don’t have a (visible) disability, but I did write my first fanfiction about Dawson’s Creek. That’s neither here nor there, but almost everyone else seems to have something in common with you, so I thought I’d chip in.
I have to say, I cringed internally whilst reading it, because I have seen a lot of internet and all I could think was about the well-meaning, but ultimately condescending comments that were going to be in response to it. You know, the WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY WHY DO YOU HATE CHILDREN WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO BE MY PERSONAL PLAYTOY OF INSPIRATION responses. And while there were/are a few of those, quite a lot of responses have been articulate and thoughtful. And while that’s probably not going to change culturally ingrained attitudes immediately, that’s rather heartening. I think have to give “normal” people more credit. Or maybe just Mamamia readers. I don’t know. Something something I feel like I’ve been talking for too long now.
So thanks anyway, for the article and the perspective.
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Thank you so much for such a great article – It was so enlightening to hear your point of view as I had never thought of it like that at all. I do still find it “inspirational” (for want of a better word) what some people with disabilities manage to achieve but that is mainly because I don’t think I would have the rdive and determination to be able to achieve the same things if I was in their position.
When my daughter died many years ago, so many people said I was so “strong” and “brave” and “inspirational – I wasn’t – I was just coping with what life had dished out as best I could. It pissed me off immensely when they sould say stuff like that and I couldn’t really articulate why – this article has helped me understand a lot more and I promise to stop passing on any more “inspirational porn”.
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So Coaster, have you ever managed to figure out why it annoyed you so much to be called brave and inspirational? Genuine question (see my comment below).
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It’s a very interesting article, Stella … but it makes me feel quite grumpy!
I think the world really doesn’t have enough positive emotion to go round. It seems so Scrooge-ish to me that you spurn other people’s positivity because you don’t feel that you’re being or doing anything out of the ordinary. I would think the majority of people considered heroes or achievers think the same … but why can’t we tell you what we take from your experience?
I was really hurt recently when a friend’s baby was stillborn. She posted on FB a few days later about how she hated everybody calling her brave … I had called her brave at some point. From my point of view, I was trying to share her journey, to prop her up in some way through a difficult time, and for some reason she hated it. So here I am trying to help a friend the only clumsy way I know how (having never been through that experience), and I’m all of a sudden the bad guy.
Also, I would never think less of somebody with a disability for not being happy at any given time. It’s unfair to partner up a positive thought with an automatic negative opposite.
My feelings only.
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Delly, I’ve been involved in the babyloss community online for four years. For what it’s worth, your experience is not unusual. My advice would be to let it go and apologise. When people call you brave it is a bit of a slap in the face… because when you’re in this situation you don’t really have any choice in the matter. When people called me brave I was extremely uncomfortable with that… because I had no choice but to put one step in front of the other… what else could I have done? Another insulting thing to hear was “I would die if that happened to me…” Seriously, just don’t say it. Ever.
And for what its worth, the amount of pain your friend is in, compared to your petty little hurt, is NOTHING. You want to seriously be supportive, go over there, give her a hug and say “there are no words to express how monumentally shitty this is, but I am here for you.”
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Wow, thank you so much for the insight Sophie <3
I do already realise that my little whinge over hurt feelings is absolutely nothing compared to what she's going through. I would certainly prefer my hurt to hers any day. The comment did make me pull back from her a little though … because I really had no idea whether anything else I said was going to be insulting or not, too
I am usually an empathetic person and not being able to predict the outcome of that comment rocked me a little. But it's great to have a bit more explanation on the reason that's not the right thing to say, to file away for the future. Thank you!
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This post was/is an education. I’ve been train lady all my life. I’m sorry Stella but I was raised that way. To think how lucky I am that I’m able bodied to think how much worse off I could be. It’s that whole think about the starving children in Africa if we didn’t eat our dinner as kids. Our parents constantly said this sort of thing to my sister and I. You have turned this thinking on it’s head and I thank you for that.
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GREAT article, Stella. I love it.
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Thanks for the great piece Stella – I completely agree with you that it seems that disabled people must be ‘good’ or ‘bad’ (or bitter, according to a previous poster). How incredibly frustrating and insulting.
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Hmmm I think I am clearly have a minority opinion here. But here goes anyway. I have a child who has Down Syndrome. Whilst we definately live in a “see the person not the disability” frame of mind, I take absolutely no offense to anyone calling my son inspirational ! Cos he is !!!
Sure you catch the train to work just like anyone else Stella. But it really isn’t just the same. You need to be able to get on a train that has space for your wheelchair. You may need assistance to board certain trains. You may even miss your train ( or bus) if there is a hiccup and no ramp is available, or a non wheelchair friendly train/bus arrives. The fact that you do this despite the obvious obstacles, is inspring to others !
I also have a step brother who uses a wheelchair. He has been left stranded more than once when the non -wheelchair- taker bus turns up. Despite the challenges like this in his life, he is living a fullfilling life. He IS inspirational. Who says people with disabilities aren’t allowed to be grumpy or cranky ? My son is both of these on a daily basis, cos he is a teenager ! Who cares? I have never had one person make comments or judgements that make me think that his behaviour categorises him one way or another.
I have many friends who also have children with disabilities. Families who’s children don’t learn to walk or talk or eat for sometimes many years. The effort that these people put into their children, and the children themselves being pushed constantly to assist them to meet milestones that come naturally for much of the population, are… inspirational ! Sure they do it because they have no choice. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be praised and recognised for it ! Reading that a friends child has tasted their first mouthful of food, willingly, after years of battling for this to happen, is inspirational ! You can’t deny it.
I think we are also so hell bent on being constantly polliticially correct in this world of ours, that we are running out of words ! We need words. We need words to describe stuff ! I couldn’t care less if someone describes my son as a Downy, a person who has Down Syndrome, I even had an elderly lady refer to him as a Mongoloid. She meant no harm or offense ! She’s an old lady, and she apologised to me a few weeks later, saying that she was “so sorry, but for that moment when I was asking how he was going, I couldn’t remember what they call it now” . Haha people are confused !!!!!! They don’t know what they can or can’t say. They feel obliged to make what they see as positive comments to people with special needs/disabilities, to show that they think you are “okay” and totally deserving of a life on a level playing field in the mainstream world.
Stella… I think you are bitter
!
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You make a really good point
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Your points were really great. However, I don’t see how those points lead to the conclusion that Stella is bitter?? She also makes some very valid points.
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I know Stella. She isn’t bitter. She is awesome and funny and so whip smart.That isn’t because she is in a chair; it’s becasue she just is.
But I have to admit – I am inspired by Stella, but in a “far out I wish I was so freaking articulate – I wish she’d stop showing me up” way.
x
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the bitter comment seemed tongue-in-cheek to me.
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Thanks J, yes… you got it
Was totally tongue in cheek. Oh, and I think Stella is awesome too !
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Oh, I agreed with Stella, and now I agree with you too.
I don’t know what to think! But thanks for your beautifully written post.
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Thank you !
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Yep, you articulated exactly what i was thinking whilst reading this.
My son is 3 and has been through so much in his short life – open heart surgery, learning to eat without a nasogastric tube, two hand surgeries, and many other procedures and therapies that kids shouldn’t have to endure. He IS an inspiration – to me and others. Through all of this I have been doing my job as his Mum to hold it all together and get the best possible care and outcomes for him – doing what any other Mother would do. But, not every other Mother has to do what I do and so I appreciate the recognition and feel a bit proud that others sometimes call me inspirational too
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Couldn’t agree more, Stella. It’s always made me uncomfortable for the same reasons. It’s condescending and presumptuous. Thanks for writing this.
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I know of a community access program for adults with brain injuries that helped one of their consumers achieve his dream of sky diving. I was so impressed by their ethos about their consumers that nothing was impossible, just because they had experienced a brain injury. Sometimes I think those of us who have not experienced a disability almost assume limitations on those who do without even knowing the person or their functional capabilities.
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I feel similarly uncomfortable when I see those ‘be grateful for what you have’ quotes with a picture of a (usually) African child on them.
It always feels a bit like saying ‘Well, at least you’re not this kid!’ … when hey, that kid is probably awesome!
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Yeah, I don’t like poverty porn. I worked at a school in India, and it’s hard to get people to donate money to them if they don’t look pathetic enough. But they’re not – they’re resilient and trying to get ahead, which is exactly why they’re worthy of charity.
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Same thing goes for people with cancer. One of my closest friends struggled for years with cancer. She used to tell me how much it drove her crazy when people told her “you are so inspirational” or “you are so brave, I admire you”. Problem was, she wasn’t brave, she was just trying to survive, and keep everyone happy by putting on a positive brave face (she felt she had let her family down as she ended up putting off a check-up for a dodgy mole a couple of time, it got too late and by the time it was checked the melanoma had gone too far in).
I just treated her as my darling friend. Sure, I worried about her way more than my other friends and spent more time with her (in hospital, at home when recovering from ops), but we just drank heaps of tea, talked about boys, travel, worries (both our worries).
I miss her.
To me she was not brave or inspirational – any more than anyone else.
She was just my friend.
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Hi Joey, your post resonates with me as my best friend has stage 4 melanoma (brain). Some days I really struggle knowing what to say, and feel guilty talking about my issues (as nothing compares to what she is going through) and I have to admit I have said those words “brave” & “inspirational” as well…but your post has made me see the other side of what those words may mean to her. I will be far more mindful now about that, thanks Joey
I am so sorry for your loss as well.
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Hi Anon,
I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s stuggle with melanoma.
Of course I can’t speak on her behalf, but I wouldn’t worry too much about talking about your own issues, I expect your friend wants to be treated normally. Just because someone has cancer doesn’t mean suddenly you have to act differently around them. My friend told me that she liked it that I still involved her in my life, and told her my problems. If you suddenly stop confiding in someone they are likely to feel a bit rejected. Sure, I’d avoid total whinge sessions, but there is nothing wrong with being honest about how things are going in your life.
Another thing, if I may. I’d try to avoid suggesting she try any types of therapy you may have heard of… unless you are her doctor. I’d also avoid telling her everything will be ok. If it is stage 4 then she knows it won’t be.
My friend’s family got her to do all kinds of alternative therapies (along with conventional medicine) – they were desperate, she was so young. But she felt she couldn’t say no. She also kept going with chemo (which she had to inject into her face herself) for well over a year YEAR after it was showing no positive effect and despite the fact it made her ill, exhausted and depressed. The chemo never had ANY positive effect on her cancer, and studies have shown melanoma is pretty much never treated with chemo. She said one of her biggest regrets was putting up with chemo for so long despite the fact it wasn’t helping and made her feel terrible and depressed. She kept putting up with it and other wacky treatments because she didn’t want to be seen as ‘giving up’.
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I hear you, Stella. My brother is blind. For a while there we worked at opposite ends of the same city and finished work at the same time. Getting to our respective public transport used to mean occasionally bumping into one another. With him being blind and not seeing me coming, I would spot him and give him a light jostle while saying ‘stop taking up the whole footpath, wouldya?’ The response from people around us in that instant before he would say ‘Hey, Sis, how’s the day been for you?’ was priceless for us both. From embarrassed glances to murderous glares to disappointing-to-see smirks…and the sharp collective intake of breath.
What you’re seeing, Stella, is also the paradigm shift in disability perception too. My brother’s generation (I’m not sure of your age but I think he may be a little older than you) are the first not to be institutionalised due to their disability. The picture that was painted for my parents when my brother was a small child was one of segregated schooling, a sheltered workshop job and generally a non-mainstream existence. In some parts of the public there’s still a bit of a stunned reaction that disabled people are, in fact, able.
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Love the article!
I am able bodied, have four kids, 2 with medical issues and a husband with mental illness and limited family support.
People always call me “brave”…. I’m not fucking brave, I dont have a choice! I love these people and this is our lot in life…… I don’t feel sorry for myself, and I’m not a hero……
I can see some parallels……
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As someone who lost a leg 10 yrs ago I completely love this article, and truly thought I was weird for thinking people who called me ‘inspirational’ were weird! I was back at work within 6 mths of my operation and have worked full time ever since… Because that’s what you do. I had some friends suggest I go to part-time work in a clothes shop after my op, as “surely you can’t go back to ‘normal’ work?!” (I am a senior marketing manager btw) I don’t feel any different to anyone else, and unless you look close enough, I generally dont look any different either… So why should I be treated any differently?
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If you’ve had your leg amputated, wouldn’t going to work part time in a clothes shop be harder than what you were doing, cause you’re on your feet all day?
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As a disabled person I hate that I am never allowed to be grumpy. Every other person around me can have a bad day for no real reason but the moment I have a bad day I’m “bitter, twisted and ungrateful”. Grrrrrrr…..buggar off!
Thanks for the great article
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I admire you Stella, not because have a disability, but because you use phrases like ‘burn my crumpets’.
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+1
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Thanks for a thought provoking read Stella, I have to admit I hadn’t thought about it like that before.
My son (now 7) was temporarily very unwell when he was 3 years old. When in hospital he was too weak to walk so he was given a wheelchair to borrow. He was enthralled and obsessed with it. He was so sad to leave it behind when he was discharged even though he was able to walk perfectly by then. He’s asked for one for almost every birthday since.
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I completely agree, my older daughter has a complex sydrome and also happens to be quite academically bright. From a very early age people have regularly told us that, she is like this because she has experienced so much. As if some how she is lucky to have this condition and its given her depth and intelligence. Where does that logic come from???
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I agree with every single word of this article. I have a sister with Down Syndrome and I just get what you’re saying.
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I also have a sister with Down Syndrome and I know what you mean. My problem is that people define my sister by her disability and it really really gets me mad. My dad is still unable to simply see her as she is and sees the disability before anything else, despite being her father now for 33 years. So yeah, like Noelle, I get what you are saying Stella.
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Great article Stella. I too am ‘over’ being an inspirational family due to my husband using a wheelchair. And if one more person tells me/us how lucky he is that I stayed with him after his accident I may punch them in the face! We are a young family mum, dad and kid just like anyone else..
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Hi Gengen. It astounds me when I hear people make comments like that to people who have become disabled after an accident ‘oh, you’re so lucky your partner stuck by you, they must really love you” cos, you know, your partner is no longer lovable if they become disabled. Some people have no brain to mouth filter. Punch the next person who says that to you in the face, I say. Maybe it will help them wake up.
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You made me smile – thanks
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bloody hell Stella, can’t you take a compliment with grace instead of bitching about it? The lady on the train meant no harm at all yet you speak of her as being the anti christ.
All you are doing is presenting a bad attitude.
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I think you may have missed the point
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With due respect i think you might be missing stela’s point…
I think what Stella is pointing out is that certain compliments actually reveal the prejudices of the people making them… Consider the following:
“wow! You’re so clever for a woman”
“black people make such good athletes!”
“disabled people are so inspiring”
this stuff is not flattering…
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Yeah, fair enough, I take your point.
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Hi Stella,
Great post by the way!
I completely understand where you’re coming from.
I just have a question not relating to porn, for yourself or anyone to clarify for me.
Years ago when I was a check-out-chick of sorts, a college of mine (who generally has a keen sense of humor and is quick with the one liners) was serving a customer on a particularly hot day.
They were complaining about the weather and as the customer was in a wheelchair, my college said “Well at least you get to sit down”
The customer was so offended and claimed prejudice.
I understand the customer was offended, but I think my college would have been prejudice if he didn’t say anything, as that’s just the sort of person he is, and his humor would get him into trouble with anyone – disabled or not.
Just wondering what’s the protocol?
Should he have made his joke, or treated the customer differently because of her disability and said nothing at all….??
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Anita, not having a go, but your asking Stella this question highlights an issue related to what she’s saying- expecting every person with a disability to speak for every other person with a disability.
Some people would be fine with that joke. I’ve known some people with disabilities who made very off-colour jokes about it themselves. Others would be offended. It depends very much on the individual.
But in terms of what’s socially appropriate, I think it was unwise of your colleague to make that joke if he didn’t know the guy well. If they were friends and he knew it would go over well, fine.
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Thanks for your feedback Diana.
Like I said, I was just putting it out there to see what was appropriate.
My query was more around whether my college should have changed his behavior towards the customer because of her disability.
I personally wouldn’t make a joke to anyone that may offend (disabled or not), but that’s me. My college had quite a different sense of humor….
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Fair enough. Not knowing your colleague, I would say that he doesn’t so much need to change his humour around people with disabilities as have a general look at his behaviour. Odds are if he’s offended someone with a disability, he’s offended someone without.
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Stella, I think this article is great food for thought (the comments too). It really isn’t as simple as either being bitter or courageous and I don’t think there is a simple answer. The main point that I took from this is that it is pretty crumby to assume that disabled people have horrible lives and to hold that up as a standard for happiness.
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Great post Stella.
The thing that irks me is the assumption that if you have a disability/mental health condition etc etc it should be the defining factor of your identity and God forbid you should get the opportunity to speak on anything else besides your ‘impairment’. I have bipolar but I stopped being out about it when I got yet another request to speak about being ” a high functioning, sucessful person living with bipolar” (rolls eyes). I’d much rather talk about my great loves-vodka and crime fiction but the requests have not been as forthcoming…
I’m waiting for the motivational poster of a Native American riding a dolphin whilst helping a unicorn in a wheelchair under a rainbow…
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You’re bipolar and you have vodka??
I’m bipolar and I’m obviously seeing the wrong doctors!
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I’m bipolar, stable, well and successful. And I drink socially. All I have ever been told is moderation and that it will hit me quicker because of my medication, but really I feel no difference between when I have a few glasses of wine on a Friday night and prior to diagnosis and medication.
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Wow I’m jealous! Not the same for me. So pleased someone can enjoy….so have one for me next time
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My moods have stablised massively in the last 5 years (once I hit my mid 30′s really) so yes, vodka is allowed
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I am disabled guy and I work with disabled kids. I’m the ‘porn star’ (for one of a better word) who inspires them and lets them know life will be ok without an arm or with a brain injury etc.
It might make you sick to hear that Stella but I’m proud of what I do and how I can inspire these little people.
All these kids want is a little hope that they can ‘get on with life’. If people like me and inspirational porn give them that hope then so be it.
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I agree.
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I guess the difference is that you are inspirational to others with disabilities.
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I get your point, but I think this article was more about how those who haven’t experienced disability look at those who have to make their lives seem less hard or less worth complaining about.
It sounds like you have an amazing job, though
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Thank you Sam. I saw the picture originally with no caption. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I don’t see this picture and look for inspiration for MYSELF, I look at what this moment in time has done for that sweet little girl. THAT is what brings out the emotion. And my sense of inspiration comes not necessarily that he is a DISABLED person encouraging this sweet little peanut – the guy could have flesh legs and feet and I would feel the same way. Anytime an accomplished adult takes the time and effort to fuel the dreams of young people abled or disabled, it’s an very inspirational moment to me.
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Sam,
What you do is not “inspiration porn.” It is truly inspirational. “Inspiration porn” is designed for those who are NOT disabled. It positions the viewer as someone who can say “Well, the obstacles I face are not as bad as that.” Or the viewer is supposed to open his or her pocketbook to donate for a cause.
Being the person who has learned how to cope well with his or her disability (note I didn’t say “overcome,” but rather, focused on coping) can serve as an example for others with disabilities. That is a very different viewer position. The viewer, also disabled, sees you and says “Sam has the same disability I have, but he is living a normal life. So that means I can, too.”
The non-disabled viewer does not identify with you. The non-disabled viewer objectifies your disabilities, and objectifies YOU, thinking, “OMG I am so glad my life isn’t as hard as that.”
Now, your story could also be an inspirational story for the non-disabled — that is different from “inspiration porn.” The inspiration for the non-disabled would be in the choice you make to help others facing the same conditions as you. That inspiration does not make you SEPARATE from the non-disabled. Instead, the non-disabled can identify with that commendable choice, as it is a choice available to all who teach by example.
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Totally agree with you on this, I do however find some one like Aimee Mullins amazing for the way she looks at her life and how she sees the word disabled. She does an amazing TED talk on it is one of the most enlightening angles on the subject of what it means to her and what she thinks it should mean. Not the only angle for sure but certainly one that had me thinking for some time.
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I’ve been disabled since birth and I’m addicted to inspirational porn – have been for 36 years. I’m not here to inspire anyone in my wheelchair but that inspirational porn has sure helped me! Each to their own, Stella. Why are you so bitter?
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It’s interesting that you should call me “bitter”, Addict, as that’s exactly what I expected to be called after I published this piece. Indeed, since it was first published last Monday I’ve been called “bitter” over and over again on social media and various other forums. And I’m not bothered in the slightest, because having also been disabled since birth, I know that’s what happens when we speak out against ableism. If we’re not prepared to nod and smile and accept prejudice, it must be about our own inability to deal with disability. It couldn’t possibly be what we actually say it is – a rejection of ableist attitudes in society.
I stated in the piece itself that as disabled people we’re only allowed to inhabit one of two boxes; the plucky and courageous or the bitter and ungrateful. We couldn’t possibly be more complex than that!
I am more than happy for people to be inspired by the work that I do, especially my work in speaking out against prejudice. What I’m not willing to accept is that people should be inspired by my very existence. That places a value judgement on my life based purely on the way I look. My opinion (and it is only my opinion, after all) is that this is condescending and ableist.
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What is written in this short post, edpecially the last few paragraphs actually gets your point across in a way that I can agree with and support.
After reading the original article I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Someone has called you bitter but I’m not sure that’s it either. Still thinking about this….
A disabled person often has to overcome multiple obstacles to do the same thing as a person without a disability.
It’s easier to sit back than work to overcome an obstacle for ANY person.
I agree the woman on the train really didnt need to make a personal comment, however maybe she was acknowledging that you do have to overcome obstacles such as those you mentioned (inaccessible toilets, inaccessible entrances) and maybe she sees you just getting on with life, going to work etc… She sees you living the life you want to in the way you can. Or maybe her daughter/son/husband/partner is in a wheelchair but is refusing to partake in life, and she feels helpless to help them or lost and seeing you out and about gives her hope that the person in her life may start to “live” again.
Another point, you don’t want non-disabled people looking at and judging disabled people.
Why not lead the way, you (the disabled person) might like to stop judging the woman on the train (to your knowledge the non-disabled person, which you have to acknowledge is just an assumption, she may have a disability) or the person who finds the inspiration posters inspiring ( disabled or non-disabled).
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I hear you. I appreciate Stella’s view point, but if inspirational messages and images help people, surely that can be a good thing? They got me through some pretty tough times so I am all for them ( just as I am all for giving in to a bad day on the odd occasion).
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Addict, please stick to one name per post. Makes the debate more fair for everyone. Thank you!
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Hallelujah Stella! It was refreshing to read your article and the responses to it, and I’d like to add a parallel thought… when I’m feeling crap, or lazy, or low, and am shown someone “worse off” than me who is not just coping but triumphing over their disability, poverty or health issue, IT DOESN’T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF; it just adds to my self-loathing/guilt and makes me feel worse.
Way back in 1981 – the Year Of The Disabled – Andrew Denton addressed the issue you raise about being patronised in an episode of his early series The Money Or The Gun, titled ‘Year of the Patronising Bastard’ (which picked up a United Nations Media Peace Prize). It should be required viewing for all those seeking (or rather taking) ‘inspiration’, and for the rest of us, I recommend it because it’s great TV – funny, thoughtful and intelligent.
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great post stella, as always.
although one thing, how do you know the girl on the train doesn’t know you? obviously not personally, but if i saw you in real life i might gush a little. what you do as an advocate and comedian is inspiring.
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Don’t use the I-word or Stella will combust.
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Hi question,
I did ask this woman if she knew about any of my work. (I’ve had a lot of experience with comments like this and I always like to make sure I’m not misinterpreting them – I always HOPE I am.) She didn’t. She said she just sees me on the train every day.
I know that the intention is good. But what it does for me is serve as a reminder that the world doesn’t expect normal things from us. As Disability Discrimination Commissioner Graeme Innes says, “people with disabilities carry the soft burden of low expectation”.
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I’m more than happy to inspire people with my work, especially if it inspires you to question ableist attitudes.
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thanks for your reply. i thought that would be the case.
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Wow, Stella that quote from Graeme Innes hit home with me.
My kid with additional needs is currently suffering this burden.She is a very intelligent kid who is getting the burden of low expectation – what a fantastic way to put it! She sits around the middle to upper position of the class and whilst I think her school thinks ‘isn’t it great that she is doing so well’, I am thinking ‘what’s the problem, she should be doing so much better??’. We were told before she started school that she is pretty much ‘gifted’ but isn’t scoring marks that reflect this. Even though she has significant obstacles, she doesn’t score any funding and it is left up to her teacher (who is just beautiful and obviously really cares about the kids, including my child) to do what she can without proper support, although this situation is improving with the school getting a great learning support teacher. Because my child is not low IQ she doesn’t get any official educational support. So even though she is not achieving as she should, it seems that she is achieving ‘enough’ if you know what I mean?
I am so not someone that wants my child to be studying hours and hours a day, and becoming some kind of genius – I just don’t want to short-change my amazing kid, and like any parent I want her to have every chance to have the best life she can.
Thanks for your article!
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I once told Stella on the train she was awesome. But it was not for being in a wheelchair but rather for her great work hosting a show on Channel 31. I DO love your work!
Tom
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Love love love this. My thoughts exactly on how condescending inspiration porn is. What is most dangerous is that it masquerades as actual inspiration whereas what it really does is perpetuate:
1) the belief that the only thing holding anyone back is their attitude (as opposed to, you know, tangible things like ramps…or,you know, structural things like inequality and discrimination). The message here is that it’s “their” attitude which needs to change not policy or anything systemic.
2) it objectifies, exploits AND infantilises bodies of disabled people. I know stella didn’t specifically mention infantilisation but I think we should cos a lot of this shit reminds me of a mum saying to a six year old son “wow!!! Who’s a big boy? Who’s a big boy who tied up his shoelaces all by themselves?” it’s not just condescending as shit- it betrays an assumption that deep down you don’t expect the person can do it.
Oh and as for Scott speaking on behalf of all disabled people… *wince*.
So to sum up: stella, love the piece. Inspo porn is just fuct. Even more messed up to suggest that diability is all a matter of attitude. That cuts against all the hard work of those aiming to get disability recognised as real.
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Nina, thank you for your awesome comment. You are so right, it’s also infantilising. I think we should be BFFs and get matching tattoos immediately.
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Infantalising is the perfect word. I’ve moved between having a mostly invisible illness to now needing a cane, or at times a wheelchair. I hate how with the addition of a couple of wheels or a stick all other aspects of my life retreat and I am disabled girl with all the preconceived notions that come with that. Buying milk the other day only to be patted on on the arm by a stranger with a patronising smile just annoyed the crap out of me and points out my difference (I know I know bad bitter disabled person). But I’m just buying milk, it’s not rocket science. Yes it may be tricky some days but it’s just my life, I get on with it. Kinda like everyone else. The assumption that either my life must suck (which it doesn’t by the way, it’s hard at times but it doesn’t suck), or my buying of milk and loo paper is somehow inspirational is patronising. I run a blog about my disorder, spread awareness, have raised two amazing kids, had great academic and career success, and more, be inspired by my actions not the mere fact I exist and am in your vicinity. I am a person first and foremost, please don’t insert your preconceived ideas into my life.
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Maybe they were admiring your ability to navigate the fifty thousand different kinds of milk we have these days? It’s a minefield out there.
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In a way, you *are* inspirational, and only because you have written a piece that makes us stop and think about our attitudes, however well meaning. You have brought to mind a documentary I saw some time ago about people with hearing and sight impairments. It was the same thing. Those people didn’t want us to feel sorry for them, or find them inspirational, because largely, they were having a very nice life thank you very much. Some people even choose not to take advantage of the latest advances in sight and hearing medicine, preferring to continue on in their life as always – normal. I knew a married couple who owned a 2 storey house. My friend lived downstairs as their tenant, they lived upstairs, as the landlords. They had a swimming pool in the backyard and they used it. They both worked and both had guide dogs. They were completely self-sufficient. They were always smiling with a terrific sense of humour. They were just a normal, happily married couple who happened to be blind. I have been guilty of Sharing such annoyances on FB (I think). I’ll think twice next time. Thank you Stella.
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Stella you are one cool chick & I will never look at ‘inspiration porn’ in the same way again, thank you for pointing out what should have been obvious to us. It was refreshing to hear your point of view & I love your parents because you are no less normal (and I use the term loosely, I mean who’s normal?) than anybody else. You are an inspiration not because of your disability but in spite of it, you speak your mind & are a great writer – all achievements where pride is not reflected by ability, other than talent. x
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As a teenager with Spina Bifida, I completely agree with everything said in this article. There’s nothing more patronising than someone walking up to me and telling me I’m an inspiration because I’m wheeling down the street to go to the shops or something. What really needs to be done is laws need to be put in place, infrastructure improved, so that people on the street won’t see me as someone who has to deal with hardships everyday of my life and as someone who just has to do things differently.
The only time I’ve really welcomed praise for living with my disability is when a German man wheeled up to me on his bike while I was having a family holiday in Bali and called me “crazy, for going to a place like this in a wheelchair”. I chose to take that as a compliment anyway.
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Inspirational porn! LOVE IT! I love yor mothers attitude also ” for what” people totally seem to negate the fact that people have no control or limited control over their disability, don’t get me wrong Im all for equality and I’m pc also. I much prefer to “access toilet” rather than disabled cause heaven help your attitude if after going to all the trouble of hoisting yourself on to one only to find it “disabled” .,,..there will never be equality until we can look at an individual and see only the individual! Also people some times have really shit things happen to them and to say well at least your not disable is offensive to both parties! No I don’t share this porn on fb it’s too open for interpretation to be inspirational I alway feel a little bit cringe when I see it….did anyone ask thy little girl if she wanted to be a shared inspiration to millions?
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