Ana Ferguson is 44 years old. She’s got 4 kids. And she’s dying.
She has stage four breast cancer, and she doesn’t know how long she’s got left on this planet – but lucky for us, she wants to spend some of that precious time writing.
So, we’re bringing you Diary of the Dying. A place where Ana will share her fears, her days, and her astonishingly candid thoughts on life and death. We’re honoured that she came to us with this idea, and so excited to publish her words.
Every single person reading this will be touched by cancer, in some way. This series is for them. It’s for everyone who’s lost someone. It’s for those who have gone. And, most of all, it’s for Ana.
This is Ana’s second post for Mamamia.
By ANA FERGUSON
Picture me back in 2003. My nickname was Mother Earth, and I was still trying to be that perfect mother we all aspire to.
I had a new born babe swaddled to my chest suckling, with a 20-month-old (little Jo) perched effortlessly on one hip. I did all of this while peacefully negotiating the task of podding the fresh peas (I was a scene straight out of Little House on The Prairie). And supervising a healthy made-from-scratch cake between my two other loving daughters, Charlie, 3 and a half, and Maddie, 8.
Their paintings were drying on the porch next to their bikes and the triple-decker pram and each evening I would feed, bath and put all my perfect angels to be bed and not even break a sweat. Their loving Dad came home, read them a story and kissed them Goodnight. Damn it, in hindsight I was good, and I was proud of myself.
Top Comments
Such humbling words. Ana you rock. xxxxxx
Ana, I love reading your writing, you have a beautiful talent with words. I admit I am awestruck by your courage, intelligence and attitude. I had treatment for breast cancer last year and cross everything, I am in remission now. As a single parent to 2 gorgeous girls, my worst fear was not dying but leaving them without a Mum. I found guilt to be such a crippling, useless emotion but such a strong one! Your children did not ask for you to be sick and do not deserve it (nor do you quite obviously) but somehow you have salvaged something precious from such a horrible situation and your children are so incredibly lucky to have had you and to have you as their mother. You are "all the good stuff", please don't forget that, and have done more than your best. I hope you feel proud of your strength of character and wonderful mothering and the fact that you ARE the perfect mother for your children and have done a fine job. xx