Mia with Ingrid Poulson
It’s funny how the universe can send people your way. Years ago, back in 2003, I remember hearing news coverage about a crime that made me gasp, it was so horrific.
I quickly flicked the radio station, changed the TV channel or flicked over the story in the newspaper whenever it came up. I just couldn’t bear to go there.
At the time, I remember thinking, “If I can’t even think about it, how on earth can that poor woman survive it” and then I plunged my fingers back into my ears and shut my eyes tight.
A few years later, I turned on the radio to hear a beautiful sounding voice talking calmly about a book she’d just written about how her life changed forever one day. It was her and flicked the station again. Then, a few weeks ago I was speaking at a conference in Wollongong.
I arrived too late to hear the morning speakers but I did get to meet them during lunch. There was one woman who had the most amazing presence. You know those people who have an energy? Hers just radiated calm and serenity.
I asked someone who she was because her name – Ingrid Poulson – was familiar. You may also remember the name. It was her – the woman and the story I had been avoiding for almost a decade.
Unbelievably, Ingrid now teaches resilience training and has written a book about learning not just to survive after an unimaginable tragedy but learning – slowly – to find joy in life again.
She is now expecting her third child and I asked her if the pregnancy is bittersweet. She said that yes it was but I cannot even explain to you the depth of her serenity and the magnetism of her energy…..it was a profoundly humbling experience just to meet Ingrid.
So I invited her to come into Mamamia and sit down with me on the couch to talk. Please don’t be frightened to watch this interview. It’s neither graphic nor distressing. In fact it’s the opposite. Watch and listen to Ingrid speak and you will be deeply moved and greatly inspired. If you can’t watch this now, bookmark it for the weekend, you won’t regret it.
You can get Ingrid’s book, Rise, here. I’m in the middle of reading it and it’s incredible.
You may also like to share this interview with those you know who are – or have – endured great personal hardship. It’s almost impossible not to be uplifted by Ingrid’s story of survival.
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Comments
74 Comments so far
Wow!! What a beautiful, amazing woman is Ingrid.
Lovely interview Mia.
I have finally been brave enough to read Ingrid’s book, & although I found it hard to read through the tears & heaving sobs to begin with, I am now finding it to be uplifting and inspirational. I feel so proud of her, & her courageous approach to LIFE! A book I will favour as a gift for my mother and close friends. Thank you.
Love, peace and happiness to you Ingrid!
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Wow what a inspirational woman. I lost my husband to suicide 9 years ago and it turned my world upside down. Ingrid put so many of my own thoughts and feelings into words. She is so calm and speaks beautifully and honestly. I am so happy she has been able to move forward with her life as have I. But she is right, you never forget and it never goes away. But you do have to rise above it, to use her words.
Thanks Ingrid, and Mia to for a touching interview.
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I met Ingrid a few months before this tragedy at my nephews birthday party, she was with Marlee and I will never forget how Ingrid filled the room with her inner and outer beauty. I instantly liked her and was horrified with the new of what happened. I have followed her life since that day and her book is by my bed and I pick it up when I am low and open at any page and it is always a comfort. It is so hard to be positive sometimes but Ingrid makes it look easy. I cried when I found out she was having her 3rd baby. I wish her more happiness then I can express.
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Thanks so much for sharing Ingrid and Mia. Having lost my mother 6 months ago I am currently in the depths of grief and right now I cannot imagine ever feeling better again. I don’t know how you managed to pull yourself back up Ingrid after losing so much all at once. But I lost my dad 11 1/2 years ago and at some point it did get easier. So I hope the same will happen one day with the loss of my mother.
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Mia and Ingrid,
I can’t thank you both enough for sharing this inspirational interview. I have known some grief in my life – from the loss of a best friend as a teenager, to the loss of a twin in-utero, the loss of other dear friends and lastly my gorgeous dad.
I have also mourned the loss of my health for a very long time, but I still choose to fight and at least try to not “look sick” no matter how crappy I feel.
I know that my journey would be considered a smooth ride compared to what Ingrid and others like her have endured, but just hearing how she chooses to focus on what she still has rather than what she’s lost reinforces in my mind and spirit that perhaps my choices have not been such a bad idea after all?
Some people say I should just “go with it” and let my outside match how bad I feel inside. I think they are thinking that I must be “faking” it when I don’t look as bad as I feel, and that I should put in less effort. In some ways I guess you could say I’m faking it – but only because I choose to give a voice to the things that I can and do still have some control over. It’s not that I don’t admit to feeling sad, sick or sorry – in fact I probably admit that more than many would like me too! And I’m sure I’ve made many feel a tad uncomfortable or confronted because of my honesty! But you know what? I just know that this is the only way I know of coping with the tough stuff. And if I can help others at the same time, then that’s what I’m meant to do.
I wish I was a writer like you – or Ingrid – or Lana – or Bec or Rick… But alas I am just Big Al. A simple girl who loves to help; who loves to write (in her own way) and share some tips and ideas that may just help others look and feel a bit better along the way too…
Thanks again for your honesty and compassion and for having the courage to share the tough stuff and inspire so many. I’ll be buying Ingrid’s book for sure, and telling the world that MamaMia rocks too!
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This is wonderful, thankyou Mia. I will buy this book today. We so need this as many of who experience loss & trauma do not have family or close friends.
I was severely assaulted by my ex resulting in losing my beautiful home. I was homeless & my darling little dog, my soulmate, was diagnosed w lung cancer. I fell in love, my dog after looking after her for six months died, I became pregnant, had a miscarriage and then attempted suicide. It was all way too much for me.
When they found me I wasn’t breathing and I woke up six days later in intensive care. My heart had stopped three times. I was extremely ill and suffered from memory loss.
Two weeks out of hospital my partner left me. It’s taken me just over a year to finally start feeling better again. I don’t have any close friends and no family. A book such as Rise would be immensely helpful.
What an inspiration Ingrid is, incredible woman.
Well done Mia.
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Mia, thank you for having the strength to hear Ingrid’s story and share it with us. I too couldn’t listen to Ingrid’s story in 2003.
Sorry Ingrid, I’m so so very sorry for your losses! (tears are streaming down my face for you)
I couldn’t bear even hearing of more loss in 2003; having lost my Dad suddenly in a moment in 1999, having my family photo albums stolen in 2001, and then my Mum died in 2003 just 6 weeks before my wedding. I still have my younger sister, but when Mum died it seemed like my entire life history, my life’s slate, had been wiped. And because Dad and Mum were cremated and ashes scattered, there is still nowhere to visit them. In trying to just get on with life I’ve discovered that life’s challenges can shrink me into an internal swirling world and it takes time to try and expand back, bit by bit, before the next challenge hits. (Challenges of motherhood, whooping cough, PND etc). Bits of me are lost and will never be the same. Resiliance is one. And I fear loss which impacts risk-taking.
I thought noone could understand, but Ingrid you may understand.
In your book extract here you wrote “We who have lost have no physical signs, no outward scar that says, ‘Look, oh look, can you not see? I have lost so much’. The scars are inside. Our drug-riddled, ill, tattooed or emaciated bodies become our scars; our ineptitude at completing goals or overcoming addictions, our tendency to sit in support groups or slice at our skin or fail at life – these are our ways of showing our loss.”
OMG, you’ve said it all.
Ingrid, is it possible to get some of the whole-me back?
I now have a terrific husband and 2 young boys and have great in-laws, but still there’s a great hole in my heart and I still have trouble thinking about and doing certain things. My longing and grief reached a new peak just by having my own children. I am having trouble reaching goals. I make decisions by taking polls from friends, and anonymous older women I come across who ‘look & sound’ like they know about life. I look fine, I behave fine. It’s all about how unsteady I really feel deep inside.
As a mum, by not having my Mum to ask, my natural thirst for knowledge has become an addiction to collect information on babies/kids and motherhood. I research what we mums need to know to the nth degree and find I have so much information that others ask me for it. I’ve started writing it all down, pages and pages and pages. Maybe one day it might help other mums, and that will be one positive outcome from all this…. (Rebecca Sparrow & Paula Joye thought it a good idea, I remember Paula saying “Just do it!”).
Ingrid, should I read your book or is there bits I won’t be able to hear? May I contact you?
(Suddenly I realise my need for a forum for ‘mothers without mothers’ …and a quick Google search has opened up more possible help.)
Kind regards, Tania
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Mia and Ingrid,
That was the most peaceful and inspiring interview I have seen in years. An amazing energy and synthesis between you both. Thank you for making this happen and sharing with everyone else.
I recently lost my soulmate, whom I have loved since I was 10 years old. A thirty year love. He went to work one day and within 1 hour had suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I am now grieving for his loss and the loss of our future together.
I have spent the last few months in shock but am trying to not let my grief define me. I am experiencing isolation with my friends and family as no one knows how to interact with me and hence are avoiding me. I find it sad that people / society are not equipped to cope with death and grief so they turn a blind eye to it. Eventually we all lose our loved ones, so I believe we need to raise awareness to the process of grief and bereavement. Your interview contributes towards raising that awareness. I applaud you both for being so brave.
I am totally inspired by you Ingrid and hope that your resilience will demonstrate to people that you can move through grief, it just takes time. I am trying each day to remain as positive as I presently can. Losing your beloved partner gives you a new perspective on life; I can’t begin to imagine how it feels to lose your children. You are so so so brave Ingrid.
The fact that you have found strength, resilience, have been able to grow around and through your grief, repartner and decide to start a new life and family together is totally awesome. You demonstrate to others who may have lost that life can continue on and grief does not have to consume you forever.
Ingrid, you give me hope for my future. I thank you ladies, for the most inspiring interview and wish you the best for the future. Maybe one day I might be interviewed as I am planning to raise awareness about grief and demonstrate resilience as well. i also want to raise awareness about early death for men in their 40′s as Drs don’t take men in that age group seriously when they tell them they are having chest pain.
Cheers
xo
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Oh sues, I am so sorry for the loss of your soulmate! The pain must feel unendurable….xxx
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I am a teacher and we spend nearly all our pastoral time trying to teach young people not to bully and harass on line because that is what society wants us to do so they don’t have to rake responsibility for this behavior. One more thing you and I have learnt this week Mia, is that adults harass and cyber bully more aggressively and more cowardly than their children.
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I had seen this post a week or so ago, but dreaded reading it.
I’m so glad I did.
Ingrid, what a wonderful, serene person you are. I don’t know how anyone would come out the other side of such a tragedy, but you have done it with grace and humility. I think just getting on with life helps, such as working and forging relationships and you have shown this to be true. Congratulations on your pregnancy, please keep in touch!
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This is the best interview I have watched in a long time. I think people get scared of grief and pull away thinking it’s contagious. This woman is an inspiration, I will definitely be reading her book.
Thank you for these interviews Mia, I really enjoy them.
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I have always enjoyed your interviews Mia but this one with Ingrid was truly heartfelt and beautiful to watch, despite the tragic situation you were discussing. I too believe in people’s energies and that there are some people who come into your life that you really form a connection with, albeit that you may barely know them. I believe that people come in and out of our lives to teach us, to love us, to inspire us and whenever I’ve had this feeling or connection, I have sought out to further that relationship, like you did with Ingrid and these souls have truly added to my life in such wonderful ways.
Ingrid, you have faced such devestation and loss but have refused to let bitterness and grief define who you are and who you will become. Your precious children will forever be your precious children and like your new baby are truly blessed to have such a beautiful soul to call their mother. May life send you much love, serenity and peace. Thinking of you.x
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What an amazing interview. Thank you Mia and Ingrid.
I remember seeing an interview with Ingrid years ago and what I remember most was her saying something along the lines of ‘I have to remind myself that once was a mother, but now I am not’. It was the most heartbreaking yet brave statement I think I have heard.
I love how you honor your lost family and I wish you every happiness in the future.
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Thank you so much. Best video/conversation/media item I’ve seen in a long time.
Honour what was lost, rather than getting lost in it. And expand rather than contract your life, when/as you’re able.
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Beautiful post
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What an amazing & inspiring lady!
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I was lucky enough to see Ingrid speak at a womens conference last year in the Shoalhaven. Of all the amazing female speakers it was Ingrids’ presentation that resonated the most with me. I could not imagine coming out the other end of such a tragedy with such strength and grace. I also agree with Mia regarding her energy/presence. It is remarkably serene. Thank you Ingrid for teaching me that life is what you make it and peace and happiness can rise from even the most horrendous experiences. Resilience is one of the toughest things to master, and I look forward to reading RISE to make myself a stronger and more resilient individual. All the best Ingrid x
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Ingrid – You absolutely amaze me. The calm aura around you definitely comes through in this interview. I am so impressed by your strength and the fact that after suffering so much you still smile, and come across as having so much compassion. You are beyond inspirational.
Mia – You are terrific at what you do. You seem to connect with people in the way that very few can. I love you are so humble, caring and have a genuine interest in the stories you hear.
Very moving interview.
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I read about Ingrid a couple of days ago and commented to Mia that she was incredible. Until now though I hadn’t watched the video.
Although I have experienced completely different kinds of tragedy in my life to Ingrid, I really resonated with her determination to not become another victim of her ex-husband. I often feel that way, especially when friends and acquaintances tell me I am brave or tough. I’m not – I’m just surviving and making sure I don’t give the difficulties I’ve faced any extra days of my attention than necessary.
To say Ingrid is an inspiration really doesn’t describe her enough – Ingrid you are incredible. I will read your book and take your calm resolve with me on my path to be me. I am so glad you are Ingrid, rather than “that woman who lost her family”.
xo
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A more consistent and proactive approach needs to be taken by Police with domestic violence. Things are changing, but very slowly. Tragically, the change was too slow for Ingrid’s family.
Ingrid, I admire your quiet strength. I agree to, that resilience is something we can all enhance and those that have it should try to help others find it.
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I spoke to Ingrid yesterday and she’s reading every one of your comments and feeling so happy. She is waiting patiently for her baby to be born! Any minute now…..
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What a beautiful interview, like Mia I also turned away from Ingrid’s story over the years because I couldn’t cope with the pain for even a second.. and yet Ingrid has to live with it every day, she’s just incredible. She gives me hope that it’s possible to cope with anything in life. What an inspirational person. Ingrid, you deserve every happiness, congratulations on your pregnancy! xx
PS> Mia, can you post and let us know what she has!!
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Fuve weeks ago, I found out my husband has been addicted to sleeping with prostitutes.
I have felt dead inside a lot.
I feel so alive after watching that. I have so much to be grateful for.
THANK YOU
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I am so sorry to hear that, I hope you can take some of Ingrids words and make them applicable to your situation. Good luck and take care of yourself.
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Ingrid I just wnat to reach through the screen and give you a big hug x
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Mia, like you, when I heard about what happend to Ingrid’s family I was so horrified that I avoided any news items about it. Later when her book came out, I wanted to read it but again thought it would be distressing. But now that I have watched the interview – Wow Ingrid! You are amazing. I am so happy you are about to have a baby. God bless you and your loved ones. And this time, I will read your book.
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THANKYOU for sharing your story Ingrid. I too experience how inhibitive PTSD can feel, be. Particularly when one tries their best to cope after tragedy has struck. An armed holdup for me (combined with a number of other cumulative life experiences) has its now daily implications. Ingrid, it’s times like tonight when hearing you speak for these poignant 9 or so minutes (without having read your book) that can dissolve some disconnect of that ‘alien-ness’ in an often cold post-PTSD-diagnosed world. I haven’t heard anyone else out there acknowledge their PTSD so it’s ‘refreshing’ (bad choice of words, but I’m stumped trying to articulate here) that there is someone brave enough to share their feelings about this. Sensing even the subtlest discomfort or un-ease of those around me has its moments of being extra crucifying, probably because of the tenderness of carrying my own fragmented and internalised grief. Sometimes it’s just easier to not interact. YET through this screen tonight I garner your beacon of hope and strength that this will one day ‘blend’ somehow into my existence too. Moments of memory, yes, will likely always be there, but moving forward with purpose is my hopeful aim. And that at some point in my future I too may feel enveloped by Life, and alive, again.
Mia, thanks for walking in the shoes of others. You are so very bold and connected to the pulse of Life. You go where few, too few, go, and you communicate the intricacies of Life so compassionately. I smile at your facial expressions in your interview with Ingrid, ’cause I can see you’re fully present – they subtly signify that you instinctively see though the eyes of others – “that conscious decision to keep making Your Life bigger rather than letting circumstance make it smaller”…meant a lot to me hearing someone acknowledge this. It’s often a long slow process after something traumatic, not only for the traumatised but those around us, to reconcile where we’re at (or where we’re not at).
You get it. Others don’t.
Thankyou.
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Jane, that is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me.
I went home and got such a splitting headache after interviewing Ingrid. I think I’d been feeling subconsciously very nervous about it.
She really does have the most amazing ability to be present and you have no choice but to be present too. It’s not like she’s crazy happy….there were times when we spoke that she laughed but also times (not sure if it comes across) when she was clearly in great pain.
I felt profoundly changed by meeting Ingrid and look forward to staying in touch and seeing more of her….
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I can understand and empathise with you about your headache afterwards Mia (yes, because you ARE able to see through the eyes of others so I’m not surprised about the head taking it all on). Being connected to the threads in the weave of humanity has its gifts and its pains too.
The interview certainly translates Ingrid’s great pain albeit in micro moments, but that’s emphasized by your eyes’ responsiveness. One thing I’ve learnt (that our society often dismisses) is that pain and the ‘vulnerability’ emanating from it isn’t a weakness. It’s actually an incredible strength but we deny ourselves this, sometimes to the perils of our bodies and lives. And I’m guessing Ingrid’s great strength comes not only from her experience of life but also from the trust in the space in which she’s communicating in (with you) and from (within herself). I’ve found trust comes from forgiving self and, without overstepping boundaries here, I’m certain Ingrid has had to spend time navigating this as I do. This is something very difficult for those with PTSD on many deep levels.
Not sure if we’ll get to see more of Ingrid through your medium (hope so!) but I do look forward to more of your interviews. Always a colourful gamut of either refreshing zing, and/or tenderness, and/or reflective introspection.
Respectful thanks!
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A very special woman. Wishing her the very best for the future
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Just astounding, what a woman! What an inspiration – thank you for sharing this!
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Wow. An inspiration and amazing woman.
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You are the reason I believe in angels. xxxx
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I remember being utterly heartbroken by the tragedy and ‘unfairness’ of Ingrid’s situation- losing her father and 2 beautiful children just seemed unimaginable. 2 years ago I came across Mari and Bas’s little graves in the cemetery (at my Pop’s funeral) and my Mum and I just cried and cried for their innocent lives lost. Yet, in amongst the sadness, the thought and little touches of children’s toys that decorated their resting place under a beautiful tree made me smile a little. A little touch of Ingrid’s peaceful nature it seems. What a brave, inspiring woman you are Ingrid. Thank you for sharing your story.
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Deeply touching and inspiring interview. Reminding us that it is Ok to be happy even if sadness is beneath that happiness, that it is OK to see death as part of life and honor it with rituals, that it is Ok to live again with a renewed sense of joy for life while we always remember people we have lost. Both of you through your personal stories demonstrate how feminine energies of strength, vulnerability, compassion and understanding can make the world a more hopeful place. Thank you!
Sara Shivani
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What an amazing attitude Ingrid has. Inspirational. Great interview!
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What an inspiring lady! One thing she said that I could really relate to was when her friend said to her “the sadness is there, you don’t have to go and look for it”. This really resonated with me, although my sadness wouldn’t even come close to what Ingrid has been through.
Mia – this was a lovely interview. I thought you handled it with lots of love and compassion and thoughtfulness – and that couldn’t have been easy, given the tragic circumstances of Ingrid’s story. It was very touching to watch you both engage. You are right – see seems to draw you to her. Amazing woman. Inspiring. Bless her. x
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I have been lucky enough to hear Ingrid speak, i got so much out of it, she is great.
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I heard about Ingrid’s story and book through Mamamia and ordered the book. I was about half way through it when I was asked to give a presentation on resilience! The book is simply wonderful, and I highly recommend it to everyone.
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Beautiful interview, beautiful person. Will definetely be reading her book. I think we can all learn something from her poise and gentleness.
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What a lovely woman! Great interview Mia. I felt included in your conversation with her because you were really friendly and respectful to Ingrid. Will have to get/read Rise now!
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I cannot tell you how many times I have watched this video and every time I am humbled and inspired not just by Ingrid’s words but her calm and gentle aura. What a truly amazing woman.
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What an amazing and inspiring woman. It really puts my FWP’s into perspective and makes me stop to appreciate the richness my husband and children provide to my life. Thank you Ingird.
Mia – you did a beautiful job with this interview. Your compassion and the way you worded some extremely difficult questions is applauded. Well done.
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Lovely. Thank you.
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wow, ingrid you are such an amazing person. i cannot believe you are working to help others after everything you have been through.
i will be reading your story for sure and have a close friend who has suffered tragedy that i will be sharing it with too.
all the best with your baby
xx
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Thank you so much for sharing. What an incredible woman. I am awe-inspired.
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I’m so sorry for your loss Ingrid. Your family must be so proud of you.
I wish nothing but health, peace and happiness for your future.
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Wow. What an amazing woman Ingrid is. To overcome such tragedy and speak so eloquently, with such poise, what a woman.
Thank you for sharing Ingrid with us, Mia, and for your warmth, empathy and compassion in asking questions i certainly would feel uncomfortable asking.
Best wishes, Ingrid, for the impending arrival
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Thanks Mia!
Great interview – these are one of the things I love about Mamamia so please do more soon! Have been eagerly awaiting this one since reading about you meeting Ingrid & mentioning her book which intrigued me & I read soon after. A very inspirational story by a remarkable woman!
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And well done Mia for challenging your fear of Ingrid’s life story…I agree a lovely interview…life is not all sunshine and roses and I think it helps everyone to talk about difficult things. It doesn’t really get more difficult than that.
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Inge, I enjoyed your interview, so lovely to hear your voice again, I would love to see your presentation.
Thankyou to Mia for delving where others dare not go.
I hope to read “Rise” soon, I am teetering on the edge of the cover, I want to open it, but I can’t. still can’t. I ‘suck’ at this too.
But at our house, we cherish butterflies and dragonlfies, and call them special names.
xx
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What an insightful conversation. Grief is such a nutty thing, always interesting to see solutions afresh.
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Thanks Mia for this interview. I never get tired of listening to Ingrid speak about her life’s experiences. She has such an awesome presence.
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What a beautiful, extraordinary, inspiring woman. I wish her all the best for her new baby & I would like to thank her for showing me what really matters in life. My perspective has just changed dramatically.
Thank you Mia for sharing this interview with us.
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