by REBECCA SPARROW
On the weekend, a friend of mine decided to hit me with a barrage of insults.
She said (amongst other things):
‘You have bad teeth. Your ears are too small. Your lips are too thin. And you look pregnant in that top.”
I stepped on her foot in retaliation. At least I would have, if it had actually happened.
My friend didn’t say any of that stuff to me. I didn’t need her to. I was saying it to myself this morning as part of my internal monologue (along with: your arse is too big and why the hell do you have a pimple on your face when you’re 40?)
I know I’m not alone in being guilty of hate-speak towards my own reflection. Let’s face it, most of us are in an abusive relationship with ourselves.
Which is why I love this 3 minute video HARD. It’s a reminder that we are each uncommonly beautiful. Take a look:
If you can’t watch the video, it lists the 10 ways to make sure everyone knows you’re beautiful (and what real beauty is).
1. Remember there are differences but there are no flaws.
2. There’s only one fashion rule: if it makes you feel awesome, wear it.
3. Be willing to be vulnerable so you can also fully experience joy.
4. Control your own perspective. Perspective is everything.
5. Another word for sexy? Confident.
6. Breathe. Deeply and every day.
7. Express yourself often, kindly and without apology.
8. The adventure is in the attempt. Embrace possibility.
9.To remain youthful, never stop looking for the wonderful.
10. Create your own story. Never let others create it for you.
So who’s behind it? American photographer, writer and speaker Karen Worland.
Of the video, Karen says, ‘As part of my life list, I set myself the goal of taking 1000 portraits, without any agenda other than seeing if I could do it. What resulted is an ongoing body of evidence showing that everyone — every single one of us — is uncommonly beautiful.’
When was the last time you felt beautiful? How do you (or would you) teach your daughter to truly believe she is gorgeous?
Comments
20 Comments so far
I love the second rule the most. That’s true – when you wear sth that makes you FEEL amazing, you will also LOOK amazing. For me the best self-confidence source are high heels – I feel beautiful everytime I wear them (I am not the tallest person on earth, luckily, as neither is my better half). I believe the whole concept of flaws, “being too fat/skinny” is never good to talk about when there’re kids around – well, its not good to talk about without having them by your side either, but they will not just simply wake up one day and ask you if they’re beautiful unless someone will put that idea in their heads. That’s why I am always really picky when it comes to the films they’re watching, books they read and also the topics of conversations they are a part of. Lovely post, thanks for sharing!
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So true. I think being a mum and having a different body to pre-baby many mums can be even more self conscious about how we look.
I am definitely quite self conscious although most ppl always say to me that I am ‘skinny’, I don’t see myself the way I used to look.
I admire women who can be happy and self confident with how they look.
Full Time Mum
http://www.fulltimemum.com
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I’m working temporarily with a group of young women who are exceptional. They are highly intelligent, successful and ambitious, and coincidentally, they are also extremely gorgeous and sexy (objectively, I’d say).
One of the things that is so wonderful about our group is that we can ACKNOWLEDGE these qualities in ourselves/each other, and celebrate them. We never stumble over ourselves to reject complements or to say we think we look fat or any of those other ‘modest’ girl statements. We know we’re young and attractive and successful and we embrace that; we allow it to motivate us to push ourselves harder and achieve more.
We don’t think we’re better than anyone else, we just allow each other to shine and feel confident. I’ve never had a group of girlfriends like this before, and it’s a wonderful thing.
To all those commentors who make snide remarks like “oh, smart and gorgeous? Modest too apparently!” – you are the people who bring women down. Focus on being happy in yourself – and it’ll make it a lot easier for you to be happy for women who are happy with themselves.
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So timely! Was at the dentist today not enjoying the chips in my teeth that I can’t really afford to get fixed right now
My daughter has a rare (ridiculously rare) face condition called Moebius Syndrome. She can’t move the muscles on her face, so can’t smile, grimace, squint, smirk or show other expression through facial muscle movement – she also has trouble speaking and eating. From the time she was a baby, I’ve always told her how beautiful she is & how we are so blessed to have her in our lives. We talk about how people are beautiful from the inside out, that the pretty looking outside might make people look, but the insides make people like and love in a meaningful way. She’s starting to feel the effects of her condition and has some issues around it (understandably) – we read books about loving yourself for who you are and I also use a child psychologist when things are too much for her. I’ve also just bought the sleeptalk program to work on her emotional resilience and my aim is to help her see that a quality life begins with a healthy state of mind.
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What a great post and and such a TRULY BEAUTIFUL message for every woman. LOVE IT.
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I love this!
Just followed your idea of bookmarking this page Bec, so I can find it again when I need it.
I especially agree with the ‘confidence is sexy’ theory. Although I am currently dealing with a situation that has made me really lose my confidence I now have another reason to work on rebuilding it !
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I’ve always believed that everyone was beautiful in their own way, it doesn’t always have to be based on appearance.
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Cordeline, if possible I’d love the name of the blog that you mentioned.
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Of course!
Here is the link to one of the things I read on the blog. At the bottom of the list there is a link to ‘What It Means to be a Mother Series’… these are the things I read and was so inspired…
http://www.diapersdaisies.com/2012/08/raising-daughter-series-what-i-want-to.html
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It disturbs me that so many of beautiful girl friends, who are oblivious to the fact they turn heads with their natural beauty, are consumed by this sort of hate-speak. They are constantly focusing on what they lack or what they would like to improve. I (for some reason that I am still trying to work out) have a fairly healthy outlook about my appearance, I eat well and exercise regularly and love the body and the face that I have been given and do the best I can to take care of it. This has not always been the case as I was once in a relationship with a very shallow person who didn’t approve of my size 12-14 curvy shape, hence the reason he is my ex!!
On a recent beach holiday a very (slim) body-phobic friend who refused to wear ‘just her bikini’ at the beach eventually found the courage to do so and to my horror, she was NORMAL. The way she went on about her body hang ups I was TRULY expecting a really obvious malformed, mishaped….. I don’t even know what. You know what I saw? I normal woman in great shape with a (string) bikini on.
If you cant accept yourself for all of your (tiny, unoticeable) flaws, then you you may never be happy. Life is short and precious and in my opinion there is nothing more perfect that imperfections.
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Great, super video. Love it. Thanks Bec!
I stumbled upon an amazing blog just last night which had loads of tips, quotes and other inspirational things about being a mother to a daughter. I snapped one of the images and quotes and added to my Pinterest inspiration board:
‘The best accessory a girl can have is confidence’
And another favourite by Oscar Wilde:
‘Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken’
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Yes I read a similar one years ago which said:
Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It’s sexier than any body part.
So true.
xxxxxx
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It is true isn’t it Bec… and how many guys actually say that as well…LOADS!
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THis should be shown to all females over the age of 10 – WEEKLY!
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Agree!!!
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Oh I hear you Bec. I have been dreadfully unkind to myself recently. I’ve put on 5 or so kilos in the past year and I’ve been horrible to myself. Self-loathing is a terribly self-destructive force. I then convince myself that everyone is looking at me when I go out not because I look good, but because they’re thinking to themselves “who does that woman think she is wearing that at her size”.
Rationally, I know I’m not exactly huge, but that voice in my head is a mean little betch sometimes! I shall endeavour to think of this video in future.
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You know what I’m going to do? Bookmark this video and try and watch it every 6 months.
It’s like a bit of kryptonite to all the “beauty” messages we get bombarded with.
xxxx
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Just bought your Find Your Tribe book for my 13 yo daughter. She read it within a few days of xmas and loved it. Thank you!
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Savannah, that’s so sad that you feel that way! I’m so sorry to hear that. Remember the old quote – “no one is thinking about you, they’re all too busy thinking about themselves!” The people you worry are judging you are probably just hoping they don’t look fat/ugly/that their pimple isn’t showing/that no one notices their bad hair cut, etc etc etc. Hugs to you xx
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Thanks Bec and Alice xx
Funny story – I was at a gay bar once and I was being looked at fairly constantly, so the negative voice convinced me that I was being negatively judged. Then one of the gay men came over to me and said “I just wanted to come over and tell you how incredibly gorgeous I think you are.” Silly me!
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