Let’s not even bother with the pre-package.
Let’s not even bother with breathing.
Let us climb the mountain and summit the peak of what can only be described as an achievement in velvet ribbing not seen since, well – EVER.
I truly wish you could have all seen my reaction, I have been told it was quite something. I blacked out you see, from the sheer awesomeness that was Seal’s outfit. My husband tells me it involved me launching myself at the TV screeching:
“IS THAT AN ACTUAL SKIVVY AND ARE THOSE MATCHING PANTS AND OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE RIBBING I THINK IT MAY BE VELVET IT IS VELVET HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL HOW DOES HE DO IT I LOVE HIM.”
The best part was the colour, which could only be described as “lady parts pink”. Oh COME ON as if you weren’t all thinking that! Of course Seal planned to wear a physical and textural tribute to his favourite place in the entire galaxy – a woman’s yonic area.
I am positively quivering with excitement at the prospect of his finale outfit.. I’m petitioning for an entire sequined velvet body suit replete with hood, booties and of course attached fingerless gloves. Nothing else will do.
What do you mean you want me to talk about the singing? UGH.. I feel as though we’ve already peaked with the Velvetron King.
As usual they got straight to the booting off. First up team Joel was to be cleansed of Prinnie and Laykn. Sarah De Bono got through on the public’s vote and Ben was thrown a lifeline from Joel.
Keith lost Brittany Cairns and Adam Something Something but kept the two big guns in Darren Percival and Diana Rouvas.
The first singing performance was finally upon us and it was Fatai with Donna Summer’s classic On The Radio. Fatai has incredible poise and confidence for her age, her disco walk was a tad awkward but that can be forgiven due to the fact she is 12 years old. The step touches and power points were solid as was her voice.
Next up was Delta’s former backing singer Glenn who will now forever be known as Glennberlake due to his Justin Timberlake like qualities. Delta gave him a proper bollocking in the pre-package. There were sporting analogies and aggressive clapping involved, Glenn seemed quite frightened.
Delta finally said out loud what we have all been thinking, you can take the boy out of the backing singer area but you can’t blah blah blah out of the boy. There is nothing wrong with being a rad backing singer which is what Glenn is and has been for 20 years. His performance of Heaven by Bryan Adams was pretty great, just not front man great.
Special mention to my Idol alumni Marty Worrall doing Glenn’s backing vocals… I think Glenn may have done our backing vocals on Idol at some point so let us all break into the Lion King classic The Circle of Life and be done with it.
GROOVY CHOIR ALERT! Sarah De Bono took the stage with another ball tearer Here’s Where I Stand complete with young trendy choir people. It seemed a little contrived for my liking, I think the contestants should get a proper say in what they sing so there is some sort of a connection with the song. Her eyes looked a bit glazed tonight. It was still the third best performance overall so not a bad hit out.
Keith has consistently picked excellent songs for his singers and this week was no exception, Diana Rouvas SMASHED Stormy Monday hitting a note dogs and humans alike could appreciate! Seal ejected himself from his seat at break neck speed such was his delight at this performance. Rouvas can bloody sing and perform, I will track her down and pay to hear her sing. What? Oh yes… My tweet did make the TV at this point. No big deal, stop bringing it up…!
The Voice 2014
The flu-ridden Rachael Leahcar was placed upon a pedestal with stationary ballet dancers behind her. The song was Nights in White Satin (at first I had a visual of actual Knights dressed in drag but then I saw the spelling) sung in Italian and English. I feel they were trying to create another Prayer moment but Rachael just didn’t have Anthony Callea’s chops last night. Her vice sounded sore and she looked a little distressed. I have been there cherubs, there is nothing worse for a singer when you go to reach for the artillery that is usually there and come back with a squeak. Well done to Rachael for soldering on.
It was at THIS point I became aware of the lady sitting behind Keith, when I say lady I mean MASSIVE CLEAVAGE in a red top. It would be fair of some of you to accuse me of being breast obsessed and I would say that is a fair call, this time thought I didn’t have to seek them out they were calling to me, to us all every time the camera went to Keith. Soon enough their was a hash tag involved and then they had their own twitter account.
It was now time for a rule change to kick in which confused me greatly. The singers that were not eliminated at the start of the show were then bought back to sing again so that the judges could pick their final person to go through to the final or something like that.
Ben Hazlewood was first up for Team Joel singing an intense yelling song called My Kind of Love by Emeli Sande. It seemed as though he was sacrificing something to Satan or perhaps passing a gall stone such was the veracity of his singing, the all black outfit didn’t help either. Ben is a hottie Mc Hot Hot and has a decent voice so it was still pretty good. (Wow that had a Seal like “back handed complement” quality to it didn’t it?)
Percival was in fine form as usual. Not much to say here, he is a consistent performer that is ready to take over the adult contemporary world. The song was A Song for You by Leon Russel and it was lovely.
Karise was last and she was epic. The end. I mean it. Hallelujah is one of those songs that no-one but Cohan and Buckley should touch but my GOD she did it justice. I don’t know why they insist on dressing her in glamour goth but I wish they’d stop. Karise just stood their and sang the concrete balls out of an iconic song and did it justice, it was hands down the best performance of the night. I know some of you find her screechy but I don’t, I love her tone. The the delicate glitter started falling from the roof and I was so in, it hurt.
So then it was time for the judges to pick their one contestant to take through to the Grand Final.
Delta took Rachael Leahcar sending Glennberlake home.
Joel took Sarah De Bono sending Ben Hazlewood home.
Keith threw it up to the stars and chose Darren over Diana.
Seal went with Karise over Fatai.
It should be noted that each judge chose the same singer that the pubic did in the earlier rounds, it should also be noted all these singers had the highest iTunes results. Ultimately this was not about the voice this was about keeping the public happy.
So now we look to the final next week.
It will come down to Karise and Darren.
Tonight’s winner was obviously lady part pink velvet ribbed man suits – everywhere.
Until next time my cherubs.
Be good and be good at it.
Em Rusciano appears on Network Ten’s ’The Project’, she also regularly hosts The Circle. You should follow her on Twitter here (she is Mamamia’s official The Voice tweeter) and take a look at her website here.
Did you watch last night? What did you think?