Kate Leaver Tuesday 28 August 2012 11:19am

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Lindsay Lohan

Not all publicity is good publicity and Lindsay Lohan has had her fair share of negative news coverage in recent years.  Police are now calling her a “person of interest” after a burglary in a Hollywood Hills home earlier this month. 

Lohan stayed in the house overnight with several other guests – and in the morning the home’s owner called the police, claiming that designer watches and sunglasses, totaling around $100,000 in value, were missing. 

Lohan’s response? She tweeted, “All of this negative press is BS…. Whenever I’m doing great, people fabricate lies. It’s such a shame. I’m just sayin’ xo.”

Kate Leaver has some friendly advice for Lindsay….

by KATE LEAVER

I nearly collided with Lindsay Lohan on a street in LA last year. She was wearing a white skivy and cream pants – a positively demure ensemble – and her face, peppered with freckles and framed by white-blonde hair, was creased with attitude.

A sheriff’s car was parked across the road – obviously her ride for the evening. She was trailed by minders.

I narrowly avoided walking directly into her ample bosom, and despite being often quite sensible, I was stunned by the proximity of celebrity. I went silent. I was star struck, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I love Parent Trap – always have, always will.

She said “Where the f*&$ is Alex?” in such a gruff voice I nearly mistook her Robert de Niro, but how can I really be sure she didn’t say: “I’m lost. I’m vulnerable. I need an Australian best friend to give me advice on my life choices”? I can’t. I can’t be sure that her brisk push past me in pursuit of “Alex” wasn’t a plea for help.

I’ve long been troubled by her life choices – a typical child star gone wild, with a good heart – but since this encounter I feel a little responsible for her wellbeing. Is that crazy? (Don’t answer that).

We do that though, don’t we? Assume a level of intimacy with celebrities, because we’re privy to the details of their loves, lies, marriages, divorces, trashy nights out on the booze. I know I do. I regularly become attached to troubled female stars – I’m extremely emotionally invested in Britney Spears’ mental health, for instance. I wish I could tell her she’s OK, babysit her kids while she picks out her latest midriff-bearing outfit. Hell, I’d even like to give Kristen Stewart a hug.

Given that Miss Lohan is thoroughly unaware of my existence – such is the dynamic of a hypothetical, long distance, unrequited celebrity friendship – I’d like to share a little of the advice I’d giver her, if I could.

1. Lindsay. Babe. You need to just chill out a bit with the illicit substances for a bit, yeah? I know girlfriend’s got a wild child reputation to uphold, but babes you need some ‘you’ time. You need some Lindsay time. Do that for me, won’t you?

2. I want you to be careful, stepping into Elizabeth Taylor’s shoes for this movie. She went through some tough times, so protect yourself emotionally. I know you’ll do a superb job in the role – I’m thinking Oscar-level good – but just don’t let yourself be consumed by the turmoil of Being Liz.

3. I think it’s really sweet you’re having sleepovers with Lady Gaga and Lana del Ray. Despite her cray-cray outfits, Gaga is a good friend for you. And it’s just so darling that you included Lana – she needs to turn that trout frown upside down, am I right?

4. I’ve been meaning to say, you rock Saturday Night Live so hard. Girl got comic timing! Can you do some more comedy? Get on it.

5. Finally, babes, I have to be honest about something. Look, we all know you’ve got a banging body bod, but just…. Put the puppies away sometimes so we can focus on your acting talents, yeah? You’ve got so much to offer the world, sweets. Re-evaluate how you gauge your self-worth. You know what I’m getting at? We want to respect – but you’ve got to respect yourself first.

Call me. xoxo

Lindsay Lohan

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 Kate is a radio producer, writer and Goon Show enthusiast. You can find her website here, and follow her on Twitter at @Kateileaver.

Is there a celebrity who you would like to give advice to? What would you say?