Anna Paquin
Anna Paquin has been married to True Blood co-star Stephen Meyer for two years, but the now pregnant actress has reminded us all she is still bisexual, in case some of us forgot.
In 2010 Paquin (who you might remember from The Piano) came out as a bisexual woman and proud supporter of gay rights. She recently popped back into the conversation on gay rights when she spoke out about her sexuality again in an interview with US magazine Zooey.
“I’m sure for some people saying they’re bisexual feels less scary than making a statement that they’re gay.
“For me, it’s not really an issue because I’m someone who believes being bisexual is actually a thing. It’s not made up. It’s not a lack of decision. It’s not being greedy or numerous other ignorant things I’ve heard at this point.
“For a bisexual, it’s not about gender. That’s not the deciding factor for who they’re attracted to.”
Anna Paquin in the Zooey photoshoot (Photoshopped image)
Comments
39 Comments so far
I’m proud of Anna for coming out and especially for her comment about the ignorant remarks people make about bisexuality. Having a celebrity be open about her sexuality will definitely help others feel safer to be themselves. Go Anna!
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‘…but the now pregnant actress has reminded us all she is still bisexual, in case some of us forgot.’ Not really keen on the tone of this line…
It’s not like she stood up and told people – ‘don’t forget! I’m bisexual!’
It would have been put to her as part of her interview, I feel this makes it sound like she HAS to keep mentioning it.
I don’t tell everyone that I am bisexual all the time even though I am and I have been with my partner for 7 years and had two children. The reaction you receive is not always a nice one, although I am still proud of who I am.
If I am asked directly I would definitely speak about who I am and my support for other bisexual people and gay rights
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Just a question… someone out there will be probably know the answer! I find it interesting that when celebrities (particularly women) come out saying they’re bisexual most of them end up with men.
Drew Barrymore, Anna Paquin, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Rihanna etc.
I just wonder why this happens. Perhaps because these ladies are in the public eye and come out as bisexuals that’s why the general public are dismissive of bi’s.
Just for the record, I’m bi myself and have never been in a serious relationship with a guy, only women. But I wonder sometimes (for myself) that I will end up with a guy because it’s “easier”… sad but true
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This is probably going to be pretty long answer but here goes…
While I get what you are saying, from what I know, only two of the celebrities you mentioned have dated women. Drew Barrymore had an affair with the editor of Jane magazine in the ‘90s and has since, from what is known publicly, dated men. Lindsay is the only one of them to come out as bi while publicly dating a woman. So far, she hasn’t had any other notable relationships since Samantha Ronson and I think I read the other day that they may be reconciling. So, the only big example I can think of is Anne Heche when it comes to the going-back-to-men stereotype.
Lindsay is an interesting case when it comes to the media’s treatment and reception of her queer sexuality. Many commentators made immediate Anne Heche comparisons when she started openly dating Ronson. Months later, while Heche had been labelled as crazy years earlier, after her breakup with Ellen DeGeneres, Lohan was being labelled as crazy too, but instead, she was labelled as being crazy…about her girlfriend. When Lohan came out, there were three responses that were most common. The first was that the relationship was a publicity stunt. The second, was the view that Lohan’s girlfriend was not conventionally attractive enough and if she wanted to ‘go lesbian’ she should find a hot girl (read: femme girl) – someone more closely resembling Portia Di Rossi. The third most common response was, ‘Well, maybe this relationship really is real, since you know, Ronson certainly looks like a lesbian…I’d have been suspicious if she was dating a girlie-girl.’ So, really, she just couldn’t win. If she had dated a more feminine woman, she would’ve been dismissed as fake. Yet Lohan dating a woman not considered to be conventionally feminine and more like the stereotypical lesbians they have in mind, meant that more people ‘bought’ the relationship. Still, they derided Lohan for dating some who “looked like dude” and not a “real woman”. She ruined the fantasy of two ‘hot chicks’ by dating Ronson. Misogyny and biphobia were at play.
The mainstream media certainly doesn’t help when it comes to the treatment of bisexuality. In articles discussing queer women in the media coming out all at once (when really, it was about 2 or 3 a yr) there was talk of it as being akin to a trend, something to do for shock value and publicity. They were like, ‘Hmmm…why are women coming out now? Let’s think of an explanation…I know, ‘I Kissed A Girl’, that Katy Perry song, yeah, well, it exists and so clearly that song influenced these women’s decisions to come out cause you know, mainstream culture is all about girl-on-girl action these days!’ It’s funny how often ‘I Kissed a Girl’ is cited in articles in the mainstream media about bisexuality. Especially considering that Lindsay was ‘out’ with her girlfriend in February 2008 (and were talked about as being involved a year before then) . That song actually came out in June 2008, so the media’s usage of it to ‘explain’ her coming out was a ridiculous correlation.
Lohan is often held up as a bad ‘bisexual poster girl’ but when it comes to her coming out and being out…I actually think that in that aspect of her life, she’s actually been a good role model. She came out and stayed out, despite being dismissed as fake, having her father publicly say homophobic things about her and her girlfriend, and despite not dating someone conventionally attractive (and thus who was relentlessly attacked for her appearance).
Despite the fact that her girlfriend was called a ‘man’ and ‘SaMANtha’ by Perez Hilton for three years, she never once complained. GLAAD, an organisation that is supposed to protect her and her girlfriend, never once stood up for them when Hilton and Chelsea Handler called Samantha a man on a sometimes weekly basis. She just had to suck it up. And did.
I believe that visibility is very important. While it may not seem that Lindsay being out means much, consider these two stories.
(From a lesbian magazine) A girl in America had come out to her parents at the age of 12. Silence had surrounded her sexuality for the past 6 years of her life. A silence based on shame. When Lohan and Ronson came out, it became not only a pop culture reference, but an opportunity for open discussion about her sexuality. One day, her mother asked her what type of girl she goes for…”more Lindsay or more Sam?” (more femme, or more androgynous?). Just that visibility served as a way to start a discussion. The second story (a British writer and his daughter): A 9 yr old girl had been watching Lindsay’s early Disney movies. She would point to Lindsay when she saw her in the paper. When the picture was of her embracing her girlfriend, the girl asked her dad why she was embracing a woman the way she had usually only seen men and women embrace. Her dad then explained to her that women sometimes love women and men sometimes love men, and some people are attracted to both. Those two things didn’t happen because Lindsay goes to gay rights events or Pride parades…they happened because Lindsay was out and present and there, and openly loving a woman. She may not be a good role model in general by any stretch, but I think her approach to her sexuality has been really mature, actually.
So, basically, to sum up my explanation, I think that since very few bi celebrities have publicly dated women, the ‘going back to men’ trope has more to do with heteronormativity in the media, rather than the individual women themselves ‘going back to men’. Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Megan Fox etc have only stated that they are bi, they have not publicly dated women, so when it comes to the media, they {the media) can’t legitimately say that they have ‘gone back to men after dating a woman/women’. But I do think that the mainstream media does try to ‘explain away’ bisexuality and uses bi celebrities to do so.
If you are a queer woman in the media, there are certain expectations that the media has for you, and simply stating that you like women while only dating men fits their heteronormative agenda. Tell the media all about your girl crush on Megan Fox or Olivia Wilde, just don’t tell them that you’re crying over your androgynous girlfriend (looking at you, Lindsay).
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I really enjoyed reading your response. Thank you!
I have a new found respect for Lindsay and Sam. I can’t believe Sam was tormented like that by Perez Hilton, excuse my ignorance but isn’t he gay? I really dislike his attitude. What a prick.
When I dated my last girlfriend, she was more ‘butch’ than I was… I consider myself femme but at the end of the day it’s really not important. But the amount of comments, rude comments, she would receive was awful. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen… why do we have to have these degrading stereotypes?
I wish people would realise that bisexuality is real. I wrote a post on bisexuality for this site actually and had a fairly good response so hopefully things are changing.
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Could you link me to your article? I’d love to read it.
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Rose’s article is here:
http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/bisexuality-sexuality-and-understanding-them-both/
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‘I can’t believe Sam was tormented like that by Perez Hilton, excuse my ignorance but isn’t he gay? I really dislike his attitude. What a prick.’
We often have this thinking in our society that gay men aren’t likely people to be misogynistic but many gay bloggers have proven themselves to be just that. Michael K of DListed and Perez Hilton are just two examples. They don’t mind straight (feminine) women or non-threatening gay women like Rosie O’Donnell, but they don’t want feminine women loving non-feminine women and they certainly don’t like young androgynous women. Many people doubt that a gay man would show lesbophobic prejudice, but Perez Hilton has showed it time and time again.
That’s a shame that people reacted that way about your girlfriend. Some people really don’t understand gender identity and expression, unfortunately. They don’t get that one can identify as butch yet still identify as 100% female. I have a lesbian friend who’s gender identity is 60% female 40% male. I also know lesbians who are very femme like my girlfriend (and thus find it very difficult to meet other lesbians).
Putting women into butch-femme categories helps some people ‘explain’ lesbian relationships, the old: the butch is the man in the relationship and the femme is the woman thing. While some relationships do somewhat fit into the butch-femme stereotypical roles, many don’t. Often, it’s the equivalent of asking: “So which chopstick is the fork?”
Again, there’s that contradiction when it comes to some people. A dislike of androgynous/soft butch/butch women, yet a need for a butch-femme dynamic in order to ‘explain’ or ‘get’ a relationship between two women.
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Thanks for linking my article! I only just read these comments… a bit behind I know.
I love your analogy of asking which chopstick the fork is. Brilliant!
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I really enjoyed this answer too – very cool! As a bi woman (married for 13 years to a bloke and now with a gorgeous female partner for 5.5 yrs), I consider myself to be completely bi and I agree with Anna – it’s not about gender as to whom you find attractive. And being bi, I could see how I could equally end up with a guy or a chick. I think it really comes down to who “crosses your path”….
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Why does a married bisexual have to tell the world they are still bisexual, anymore than anyone else needs to tell the world that they too could still be attracted to other people. My wife is brunette, but I still find blondes attractive. So???? Do I have to make a public statement about it??
When you are married though, you are commiting to one person, and all he other stuff about ayone else you might be interested in becomes fantasies in your head and nothing else surely. I am not sure why it has to be stated in the first place, and why it is anyone elses business frankly. Wierd.
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So what’s she doing for her bisexual side? Does hubby get to join in?
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Her hubby IS her bisexual side, there are no other “sides”. Bisexual simply means attracted to both men and women.
This is not the same as promiscuous; she might be monogamous, in which case her (theoretical) next partner might be male or female, or she might not, but it’s irrelevant to her bisexuality.
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Bloody good point, Elli! My partner and I get this a lot – “well, if you’re both bi, then do you have threesomes?” and guys often ask or imply that they’d love to be involved – but the thing is…if you’re in a relationship (with same sex or opposite sex), and you’re monogamous, then your bisexuality IS irrelevant! You’re not going to cheat just because you could equally be attracted to a hot guy or a hot chick!
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She rocks !
And that is all I intend to say on the matter.
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Good for her. I’d hit that
Yummy.
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Isn’t it Moyer not Meyer?
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Tragic trubie here,its definitely Moyer.
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No one needs reminding of how other celebrities are ‘still heterosexual’.
When will the day come when the world simply accepts everyone as they are?
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hello.I WANT YOU BEAUE.PLEASE
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Yep, I’m bisexual when I’m dating a guy. And bisexual when dating a girl.
Nothing new here!
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People have already made the points I wanted to below, but I had something small to add.
I think society (both gay and straight) requires bisexuals to constantly justify who they are, especially when they’re with an opposite sex partner. If I were Anna Paquin I can imagine feeling like I had to bolster my sexual identity by mentioning it because it isn’t readily apparent (unlike for purely hetero/homosexuals)
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Yep… I feel like this often!
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Hey guys, I had a look at this after it went up and agree it’s confusing. I’ve tweaked the wording as, obviously, AP will always be bisexual whether she’s married, single, pregnant or buying bread at the grocery store. It was meant to be a story that reminded those who would claim she’s now straight, but that didn’t come across!
Apologies.
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Thanks Rick!
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Rick, I find it more offensive than confusing.
The last question beneath the pictures, “Do you think it’s possible to be married but still classify yourself as bi-sexual?” is way beneath the usual sensitivity and tolerance of Mamamia. The only answer to this question is yes – it’s a matter of fact, not opinion, and anyone who says no is at best ignorant.
If it’s meant to be a story reminding people that she’s bi (I didn’t know this, Yay!), perhaps remove that last line?
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Eeeek, sorry, I completely missed that down there. It’s gone and you’re right.
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Um.. yes? Why is this even a question?
How about this: “Do you think it’s possible to be married to a blonde man but still classify be sexually attracted to brunettes?” <– Pretty much the same thing.
To us bisexual people, you find both men and women attractive. End of story. Nobody stops being attracted to other people after they marry, so of course bisexual people will still be attracted to both. Weird, weird question.
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Yeah. It’s kind of offensive…
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I think bisexual people face a rough road to acceptance because of the implied lack of monogamy. For all the freedoms and so-called liberal ideologies, so many people in today’s societies cling to being faithful to one partner as an essential central imperative.
You can see how, to many, it’s less acceptable than being gay. But the truly sad thing in this scenario (well, actually just one of many) is that the problem is with the perceiver.
Judgement rears its ugly head once more.
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“implied lack of monogamy”
Huh? Why? You’re talking about polyamory, not bisexuality.
I’m bisexual and to me, preference based on gender is like preference based on hair colour or eye colour or similar. If someone says “I’m attracted only to blondes” then I shrug and say “Ok, each to their own” because I can be attracted to both, and I have the same reaction when somebody says “I only like men” or “I only like women”, because I like both.
Does that mean that if you like both blondes and brunettes but marry a blonde that it means you’re inevitably going to cheat with a brunette? Or that you’re going to be internally tormented because you’re still into brunettes? It’s ridiculous! And so is the implication that my attraction to both men and women means that I can’t be monogamous which, for the record, I am. Very much so.
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I agree with both of you – I’m bisexual and I’m no more likely to cheat than the next woman, but too many people assume through ignorance that being bi means I want a bit of everything and all at once.
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I think you’ve misunderstood what I was attempting to say. My apologies for not being clearer: It’s not that bisexuals aren’t monogamous, but that there’s a perception (and a ridiculously unfair one imo) that they’re not. In fact my comment was inspired by one of my uni students reading the article and getting hissy saying “she’s married but still looks at other women?!? What happened to fidelity in marriage?”.
I tried to explain that being married doesn’t preclude finding others attractive and that has nothing to do with sexuality but I’m unsure as to how successful I was.
My comment was that bisexuals are seemingly unfairly lumped with that perception when it’s true of most people regardless of sexuality.
I think bisexuals finding people attractive rather than genders attractive is a wonderful thing.
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‘but the now pregnant actress states that despite all this, she is still bi-sexual.’
(Just for future reference, it’s bisexual not bi-sexual)
I’m puzzled as to why MamaMia worded it like that? That’s like saying, ‘This heterosexual person is engaged to be married. Despite all this, she might end up married to a different guy in the future.’ cause, you know, engagements are sometimes called off.
Anna’s current relationship status and pregnancy doesn’t change the fact that she’s bisexual.
Actress Kelly McGillis was married twice but was a closeted lesbian for most her life. The fact that she married men doesn’t change the fact that according to her, she knew she was a lesbian since she was 12. She stated that she married men because she couldn’t reconcile her faith with her sexuality. She is, and has always been, a lesbian.
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“…despite all this, she is still bi-sexual.”
What a bizarre statement. How do the circumstances of your current relationship affect your overall sexuality? It’s like saying, “I am eating a salad sandwich for lunch today, but despite this I am still omnivorous” A gay man who is living in a heterosexual marriage is still gay, a straight teenager who kisses her best friend at a party because her boyfriend thought it would be sexy is still straight.
While I believe that sexuality is very personal and no-one can tell someone else what their sexual identity is (eg “you had sex with loads of guys before you came out, therefore you’re not a REAL lesbian”) I also firmly believe that sexuality and sex life are two different things.
The struggle for bisexual people in a committed, monogamous relationship is to accept that they are making a choice in not fulfilling that *other* part of their sexual identity.
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I agree. MamaMia is usually very sensitive and appropriate with articles about sexuality but they really missed the mark here.
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I was thinking exactly this.
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Agreed! And what a ridiculous question – do you think it’s possible to be married but still classify yourself as bisexual – as though marriage would flick some kind of switch to turn off your attraction to one sex or the other…
I was married last year – do you think I can still classify myself as heterosexual?…
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Uhh, I thought it was just saying, “She’s been married for two years with a child on the way. Some of you may think this means she’s now straight, but she still sees herself as bisexual”.
I think the reaction of, ‘oh, she must be straight now’ is one a lot of people would have. She’s just talking about that.
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