By: Jude Lockhart for The Good Men Project.
Ahhhh… the Facebook dilemma.
To wade or not wade in the plethora of Friend posts, Likes and Shares? A rare Aha! keeps you hooked … but it’s a short-lived aha.
Shadows of obligation hover and swirl: How can you not be on Facebook?
What to do?
‘Deactivate your account’ and lose access to favourite closed Groups?
‘Hide all’ from Over Zealous Friend? Stay Friends but don’t see their posts? So they can follow you, when you don’t follow them?
For me, with less than a hundred Friends and frequent ‘Hide all’ checking, I was beginning to feel like a hypocrite.
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For too many of us, Facebook has wormed its way into our lives and has us by the short and curlies, so to speak. It’s almost impossible to avoid if we have children, or if we live far from friends and family. The pressure will be ON. Our kids demand we only use Messenger to contact them; close family members insist it’s their only travel diary, photo record and so on. I’m betting there are a myriad of other reasons why—like it or not—you feel you ‘must’ have a Facebook account.
I faced the dilemma: A once loved and once joyous meeting place—Facebook—had become a pain in the proverbial.
Was it Facebook, or my Friends from whom I’d fallen out of love? Maybe my needs had changed…?
My time on Facebook was troubling me—at least outside of closed Groups, in which honest concerns could be discussed and resolved. Such discussions are rare in the realm of Friends. Who wants to hear of your struggle; your low points; your unhappy stories? Who wants to share them in front of all their friends? It seems few of us do in public, where you’re at risk of appearing a victim or a whinger. Being vulnerable or needing help is not an option in Facebook Friend Zone.
Top Comments
I have never had a Facebook account.
From what I can see - through friends, family, colleagues and partner, for the most part and with few exceptions Facebook is a distracting time-killer and keeps you connected to "friendships" that died off long ago - just those tenuous connections where you see their updates and which you can like, but really you might just snoop their photo album and compare life progress on days you are bored. It's not healthy. I know some people track ex partners or crushes this way and call it 'we're still friends', yet if one actually phoned or texted the other in real life it'd be awkward and probably unwelcome.
In my life, people with whom I have real connections - we have managed to maintain it; probably because it's worthwhile and the relationship has merit. Anything that has no true basis, those friendships and connections drift away, as they are supposed to. Friends and family living interstate or overseas... we manage to email, call and Skype regularly with cards and parcels exchanged at birthdays and Christmas. It can be done and frankly it is SO much nicer! There is real heart in it.
I don't feel I have missed anything by not being on there.
The only time I have ever thought Facebook was worthwhile was when there's been a natural disaster like the Tasmanian Bushfires where a community was linked with people in need. That was great use of it. 'Tassie Fires - we can help' was the name of it, a grassroots support started by Melanie Irons.
I thought about killing facebook, and then thought.. what would i do at 3am every night.