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SWEET JESUS.
It’s that time again.
We open on Jamie talking about how Jamie is here for Jamie and not for Jamie’s friends.
A miscellaneous man walks into the room with a big box and da boyz get suitably excited.
He reads out the names of the boys who are going on this week's group date and Jamie is very happy that Jamie is invited.
WAIT.
It's actual angel sent from TV-watching heaven Yvie, and she's brought along an unnecessary stretch pink hummer pls.
Yvie explains that she's here to throw Angie a surprise hen's do and that the guys are going to be the hens. WAZZA would have loved this. God rest his soul.
The boys pile into the hummer and one of them asks Yvie what Angie's type is and she immediately replies that Ryan is Angie's type.
Strewth.
Why did we have to sit through a grown man named WAZZA chucking a tantrum in a chicken suit if Angie's perfect man was at the local dog park?
Anywho.
They arrive at the date location and Osher is very excited because he's been doing a sneaky sneak and Angie has no idea that Yvie is about to turn up.
Osher explains that they're going to be participating in a life drawing class, which is fancy for "get ya penis out", and Ciarran offers to pose naked because he's a very strange boy and we like it very much.
Ciarran walks back into the room and drops his towel and Yvie can't stop saying penis and same.
After staring at Ciarran's ding dong for approximately six hours, Yvie asks Ryan to go for a chat.
They very quickly decide that he will win this whole thing and if he doesn't Yvie will marry him. And if she can't, Osher will.
They return to the rest of the group to discover that Ciarran is holding a bunch of grapes against their will.
Yvie then takes Ciarran and his grapes for a chat while the proper grape authorities are called.
Angie and Yvie go for a chat and Yvie tells Angie she likes Carlin because of his... face, Ryan because she'd like to marry him, and Ciarran because of his... willy wonka.
Jamie does not get a mention and somehow Jamie knows this and Jamie is doing a fume.
PAUSE.
It's single date time and Angie has chosen Timm with two Ms because of his extra M.
He's wearing a fun hat. That is all.
They hang out in a park and eat icecream and take some photos. Then they watch a slideshow of Timm's childhood memories.
Then he... takes a piss. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Angie decides she quite likes this Timm character despite his extra M and fun hat.
Oooooh.
It's cocktail party time and Jamie is definitely going to chuck a tanty.
Angie takes Ryan for a chat and Jamie decides he'd like a threesome pls. He approaches Angie and Ryan and says he'd like to sit with both of them and discuss the fact that Yvie likes Ryan more than him.
It is very weird of him and even Osher is stunned into silence in the bushes.
Ryan's like "nah mate, that's weird of you" and Jamie retreats back into the cocktail party to stare angrily into space and talk about Jamie's feelings.
Timm with two Ms takes Angie for a chat and they have a kiss. The rest of the boys crack it because Timm is bein' greedy with his extra M and his extra time with Angie.
But Timm does not care because he has two plaits in his hair and he's not here to muck around anymore.
Sssssssh pls.
It's rose ceremony time.
Osher does a whisper.
Jamie does an angry stare and talks about how Jamie is feeling and who is Jamie's biggest competition.
Then Jamie gets a rose which surprises even Jamie.
Two men we've literally never seen before get sent home. We wish them many teeth whitening endorsements.
UNTIL NEXT WEEK.
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Catch up on all our recaps here:
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 1: Australia just met the creepiest villain in Bachelorette history.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 3: A man from Angie's past leaves the mansion divided.
Top Comments
Why are they not all blonde like the women are?