We’ve been sold a (phallic) fallacy, you guys.
“The one thing I never ever did was have showers with people,” she said on this week’s episode.
“One person always gets cold. I never wanted to get my hair wet. I hate doing it.”
Samantha X talks about why shower sex is the worst. Post continues after…
Samantha X is not the only woman to express these concerns. It’s a universally acknowledged fact that no matter how horny, or new to a relationship you are, or drunk… sex in the shower is usually the absolute worst.
Here’s some other reasons why:
- You will fight about water temperature.
- Someone will get water up their nose and/or gag.
- No matter how wet water is, it is not a lubricant.
- Wet friction is painful.
- Most people don’t feel their sexiest when they look like a drowned rat: so catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror can be an instant buzzkill.
- Fluorescent lighting.
- Height difference between the two (or more) of you becomes genuinely problematic.
- Doing anything on your knees is not uncomfortable – it’s torture. Which makes oral sex challenging because tiled surfaces are unforgiving.
- At some point, you will notice too much about the shower. Hair in the drain. Mould on the shower head. Creating a domestic to do list isn’t conducive to sexy thoughts.
- Slippery surfaces mean there’s nothing to hang on to, and slipping over in a distinctly un-sexy move is a clear and present danger.
- Soaps and suds sting: in eyes, and other places…and they taste crap, too.
- You are wasting water. Suddenly, you will remember all the times you have yelled at other family members to keep things short, and think of the utility and bill…and look-y what we have here: an H2O Hypocrite.
- The hot water will run out: if you last that long.
- You discover the hard way that your favourite sex toy that promised it was waterproof is, in fact, not.