Put down your mango daiquiri and make sure your tan lines are even, please.
A new man has just entered the villa and he’s… tall.
Fanny fluttering tall, if you will.
Once they arrived at said villa, they decided whether their type was “blonde” or “brunette” or just “good lookin’ people, aye”.
Factored into this very important decision was… height. All the girls want a tall man, and all the guys want a woman who’s not taller than them… even in heels.
Height, in fact, makes up approximately 67.7 per cent of conversational topics in the sex villa.
Anywho, tonight Sophie Monk sent in a new fella and he’s the tallest creature the villa has ever seen.
His name is Dom and he's approximately 8 foot 9 inches... or something like that.
He lives in a castle and survives wholly on big turkey legs and beer that he drinks from comically large pewter mugs.
One time he hit his head on a cloud and it cried a little.
He cannot fit on public transport and he has to make all of his pants by sewing eight pillowcases together... but he's tall.
HE. IS. TALL.
And that's the most important thing.
The islanders, of course, took all of this in their stride.
This is how they reacted to Dom's entrance:
Oh my god.
OH MY GOD.
New boy has arrived.
TALL. TANNED. HOT. MALE. DID I SAY TALL?
F*ck, he's so tall.
He's the tallest in this house.
HE IS 100 FEET TALL.
HEIGHT TURNS ME ON... A LOT.
It's very hard for me.
Tall. He's blonde. He's a tradie but he doesn't get his hands dirty.
I could feel it in my ovaries.
He was like a head above me and I was like 'Ah'.
Until tomorrow night...