There are few certainties left in this modern world, but here is one immutable truth: if you put a microphone in front of Robert Pattinson, he will look you dead in the eye and say something absolutely unhinged. 

He is our finest fabricator, a beautiful agent of chaos and a man so profoundly unserious that, I swear, even his co-stars are terrified of what he might say next.

His latest antics occurred on the London red carpet for Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey. When a reporter asked Rob how it felt to play a character that audiences won't exactly be rooting for, did he give a thoughtful answer about the duality of man and Greek tragedy? Absolutely not.

Instead, he compared his character to none other than Jacob from Twilight. Iconic. 

According to Pattinson, The Odyssey is really just about Penelope not being able to make her mind up between two guys. Sound familiar?

"I think they will be rooting for him. I keep comparing it… it's kind of like Jacob in Twilight," he told MTV U.K.

"Penelope just can't make her mind up between the two guys and I'm just trying to help her make a decision. It's like, 'It's fine. He's dead, get over it,'" he joked.

Homer is undoubtedly shaking in his grave, Taylor Lautner is probably confused, and the rest of us are left marvelling at his ability to surprise us with every word out of his mouth.

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Naturally, the chaos on this press tour didn't stop there. 

When asked about his absence from Taylor Swift's wedding, Rob's response was flawless. 

"I was working. I was shooting Batman," he explained to Entertainment Tonight .

"They were giving away lots of stuff?" Pattinson exclaimed when the reporter mentioned all the alleged merch the guests were given, "What did I get?"

This man is honestly one of us. And we shouldn't be surprised. 

This is the same man who has spent his entire career trying to see what ridiculous nonsense he can get away with on press tours.

We are talking about the man who casually and accidentally confirmed to the internet that Tom Holland and Zendaya had in fact gotten married during their press tour for The Drama. 

This is the same actor who sat through a lie detector test alongside Jennifer Lawrence while they were promoting Die My Love and confidently claimed to be Gen Z, despite being a millennial elder born in 1986. 

The same guy who tried to convince us die-hard Twilight fans that the generation-defining debate about whether you were Team Edward or Team Jacob didn't exist. 

"No one's Team Jacob," Pattinson told Canal+. "That was just a marketing thing."

Excuse me, sir, but I lived through those trenches and it was terrifyingly real. I was firmly Team Edward because I am a person of sound mind who prefers a brooding, sparkling vampire over a guy who doesn't own a shirt — but the cultural warfare in those middle school hallways was not a joke. 

And now he's out here trying to rewrite history. The audacity. 

But let us never forget the legendary interview with GQ where he tried to invent a handheld microwaveable pasta product, which resulted in him melting a latex glove and almost blowing up a microwave. 

Never change, Robert Pattinson.

Keep defending Team Edward, keep turning in stellar, career-defining performances and never, ever tell us the truth. Respectfully, we don't want it.

Feature Image: Getty.