Missy Higgins performed in front of millions on NYE. Behind the scenes, she'd been 'crying all day'.

Missy Higgins sings and writes about love, loss, heartbreak, and healing.

It comes from a personal place. Especially her new songs that are about her recent divorce from playwright Dan Lee.

One of the tracks on her new album The Second Act, reflects on the day of their split.

"Him and I had broken up that day, and I was set to perform at the ABC New Year's Eve broadcast. I remember thinking, I have to get up in front of millions of people on live television, sing and put a brave face on," Higgins tells Mamamia's But Are You Happy podcast.

"I'd been crying all day. But I smiled, put on my blue velvet dress, and did my best acting job ever."

As the fireworks went off over the Sydney Harbour Bridge, Higgins gave a sigh of relief that her performance was over. She could sit in her feelings again.

"The girl in my band and I just all held each other and I cried as they held me."

Watch: Missy Higgins on ABC's Anh Brush With Fame. Post continues below.

Growing up, nothing could put a dampener on Higgins' spirit. From high school onwards though, she says her confidence began to falter. The inner doubt became far louder.

"All my diary entries from high school are like 'I was born on another planet. Why do I feel like such an alien?'"

When fame came about through her music, those inner doubts were then exacerbated — especially because everyone was obsessed with Higgins' love life.

"I'd just come out of a pretty toxic relationship where the guy I was with who was really ridiculing me and my music. He made me feel really horrible about myself," recounts Higgins.

"It became really hard to leave the house. I'd have these big black sunglasses, like Paris Hilton, but you look so much more like a famous person trying to hide. I just didn't want to be noticed."

Her celebrity status in Australia continued to rise though, thanks to the success of her music. But despite the overwhelmingly positive reaction, Higgins says her mind focused on the criticism.

"Whenever I heard anything negative, I couldn't sleep for days. It was all I could think about," she tells But Are You Happy.

"So many people were having opinions about me and my image and my sexuality and just wanting to know way too much about me. I was already in this state of defense the entire time. I was feeling a little bit resentful."

By the age of 21, Higgins had received "a big pay cheque" for her album The Sound of White. She could buy a home. Her music was well-received — both by audiences and the industry. But was she actually happy?

"In the early days, I think I completely burnt myself out. I felt very scrutinised from every direction."

Listen to Missy Higgins on Mamamia's But Are You Happy. Post continues after audio.

For most of her adult life, Higgins has been medicated for depression.

"I see it as part of who I am, despite not wanting it to be who I am. I think I've tried to fight it for so long, and I think that's probably part of the problem. The shame of it and the denial of it is what prolongs it," she explains.

Overall though, Higgins describes herself as a pretty happy person. From her 20s to her 30s, Higgins' music success evolved, she built a family and continued to create art she was passionate about.

Then in 2021, Higgins' marriage to playwright Dan Lee ended. They have two kids together.

"I think there's vulnerability and fragility that you don't really want to admit to. In the back of your head you think, 'No one wants to hear how miserable I am and [my] divorce. No one wants to hear about being a 40-year-old single mum, like it's not sexy,'" the 41-year-old says.

Recounting the reason for their split, Higgins says the decision came down to her happiness, and his too.

"We were both miserable and had been for a while. It started off with, 'I think we should live in separate houses.' Then it slowly progressed. Then throw kids into the mix. We realised that it's going to make for a much more stable vibe at home if we can do it separately."

Writing this new album has been healing in a way, says Higgins. She feels in a "really good place" right now, adding that there's been enough distance from the separation.

Ultimately, what Higgins says she wants most is to feel understood. And to spend as much time as she can with her kids.

"Intimacy and connection is what I cherish the most.

My kids definitely bring to me a sense of purpose and meaning, probably more than anything else. But I don't want to rely on them as my soul," she explains.

"It's music and parenting that give me the most sense of fulfillment."

You can listen to the full conversation on Mamamia's But Are You Happy now.

Feature Image: Instagram.

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