For my 21st birthday, I had a history-themed party. The invitation specifically stated you had to dress up as your favourite person from history. Yes, I dressed as Marie Antoinette. Yes, my dad dressed as Albert Einstein. Yes, my mum dressed as Mother Mary (why).
Then a friend showed up.
She was a hot Egyptian. Like when hot Egyptian means a tight gold and white dress and perfectly winged eyeliner.
Hot Egyptian is not, to my knowledge, a historical figure. It is not a person. It is a lie. It doesn’t fit the theme and it is disrespectful to the sacred institution of themed 21st birthday parties.
Speaking of disrespectful, on Monday evening, US time, celebrities started arriving at the Met Gala, where this year’s theme was: Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination.
Katy Perry wore a literal angel costume, with obscenely huge wings, Ariana Grande resurrected Michelangelo to re-paint the ceiling of the Sistene Chapel onto her dress, and Kim Kardashian had not one but TWO crucifixes on her skin-tight gold Versace gown. These women, and many others, honoured the theme. Very commendable.
But some people broke the goddamn rules.
And when Rihanna is dressed as THE ACTUAL POPE, you can't break the rules.
You see, this is a Met Gala costume:
This is not:
THIS is a Met Gala costume:
But this... this is not:
THIS IS A MET GALA COSTUME (well, technically it's a fully functioning nativity scene):
This is not:
I'm kidding that's obviously a costume.
The Met Gala, which, by the way, is formally known as the COSTUME Institute Gala (they're... they're my capital letters. For emphasis), annually marks the opening of the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute. Each year, the exhibition sets the tone for what guests should wear, and attendees spend the first part of the evening touring the exhibition.
You. Cannot. Ignore. The. Theme.
It. Is. The. Reason. The. Event. Is. Happening.
Yet, every year, the contrast between those who embraced the theme and those who entirely dismissed it is blatantly obvious.
If you're one of the 0.0000001 per cent of people who are privileged enough to attend the Met Gala, you don't get to be shy about looking like an idiot at a dress up party.
You don't get to be the Hot Egyptian.
You have to be full Tutankhamun - entirely mummified, and essentially a floating gold face.
At the Met Gala, you either go full Rihanna, or pls, just go home.