I’m not going to hold it against a bunch of reality TV producers for trying to fool us all.
At least, I’m going to try not to.
As a woman who is far too heavily invested in Love Island Australia for a human with a functioning brain, I’m rather interested in the relationships we’re seeing form on national television. Yes, I downloaded the stupid voting app and yes, I legitimately care about whether or not different couples make it ‘in the real world’.
Which is why I – along with my group chat of equally obsessed girlfriends – was confused when, on Monday night’s episode, Jaxon got in trouble for talking trash about his current partner, Shelby.
You see, apparently he told Da Boiz that he doesn’t really feel it with Shelby, and would quite like for her to change the way she expresses stuff on her face, please, because it’s annoying and he deserves better. Or something.
I wish I could tell you what happened, I really do.
Jaxon apparently spoke filth about Shelby a few nights ago, which was awkward for Shelby to find out in a group of people. It was equally awkward for the rest of Australia, AKA the people who foolishly trusted a bunch of producers to give us the goss on a platter in every episode, and watched on thinking, ‘What the eff did we miss?’
I missed Sunday’s episode why is everyone pissed at jax? Why r the boys pissed? Why is Shelby pissed? Can some one please explain #LoveIslandAU
— Buggsy (@princedevitt999) June 25, 2018
Guys what happened I’m so confused?! Dom is making shit up #LoveIslandAU
— Sophie Grace (@xosophiegrace) June 25, 2018
Missed some of love island so confused. What did Jax apologise for? Someone briefly fill me in! #loveislandau
— T☽ (@viewsfromtheT) June 25, 2018
Wait so Jaxon has done something, weird what we see on TV I thought he was obsessed with Shelby. Don’t take his crap girl, leave his ass #LoveIslandAU
— Ali (@mcali187) June 25, 2018
I’m sorry, what are the boys talking about? #loveislandau
— Emma (@emmarghsaurus) June 25, 2018
Wait I’m confused, what did Jaxon do? #LoveIslandAU
— Ali (@mcali187) June 25, 2018
C’mon peeps! I’m stoned and followed it…Dom is upset that Jax knew Teddy was going to choose Millie and didn’t tell him! Yes, mature. #LoveIslandAU
— Simone’s World (@FibroModem) June 25, 2018
I’m so confused, I thought Jaxon liked Shelby?! What the hell have I missed??! #LoveIslandAU
— . (@AiyanaAlexander) June 25, 2018
— Ashleigh Taylor (@ashy_taylor) June 25, 2018
The producers suspiciously left Jaxon’s juicy quotes about Shelby out. Despite them finding time to show two grown men debate whether the correct term is “emasculinate” or “demasculine”, we were never shown the fiery words exchanged in the bedroom.
And I, dearest reader friends, have a theory: despite not digging each other at all, the producers were trying to trick us that Jaxon and Shelby were The Real Deal, and got caught in their shifty little ploy.
They deliberately left out Jaxon’s fiery quotes because they had carefully constructed a lie that Jaxon and Shelby were in love. They didn’t realise the quotes would end up causing an entire episode-worth of drama and, once that happened, it was too awkward to jump back two entire episodes and say, ‘Hey, guys! We totally forgot to tell you about this! Oops!’.
I see you, Love Island producers. I’m always watching. And I’m incredibly disappointed that this is what my life has amounted to.