dating

'I asked a bunch of online dating matches how to cure my iso-boredom. Here's what happened.'

This past Saturday night I was bored. So bored, in fact, that I decided to get a screen full of new dating matches and ask them the one question that’s all on our minds:

"What are you doing to stay sane during lockdown 2.0?"

And just because I’m dedicated to content (read: I’ve run out of things to watch on Netflix), I decided to make a list and give their suggestions a go. 

Now, I’ll preface this with the number one activity every single one of my matches suggested: them suggesting we become intimate partners.

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Image: Supplied

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However, after quickly shutting that down because, you know, we’re in triple digit daily cases and all, I pushed them to get... creative.

And just because I’m dedicated to content (read: I’m just so f**king bored), I've decided to give all their suggestions a go – and boy did they deliver:

Here’s my pick of the top five: 

1. Make smoothies.

Not just your regular banana, milk and crushed iced kind of smoothies. Get adventurous with it, one of my matches told me. 

And look, whilst I wasn’t too sure a smoothie could be the highlight of my day, I spent the next three days waiting for his smoothie recipes to blitz up. 

Were they nutritious? Not quite. But did it give me something to look forward to every morning? 100 per cent and for that, dear Bumble match, you can stay in my line-up.


Video via Alisha Bhojwani

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2. Actually DO your life admin.

Confession time: I moved six months ago and still haven’t changed my address. I took this tip as my sign to stop procrastinating and just get on with it. Because there’s no better time than being home 24/7 to get those bits and pieces done. 

As someone who’s finally getting her mail, has done last years and this year’s taxes and hung-up frames that were sitting on my apartment floor since I moved in, I can confirm that in Scott’s words, I do, in fact feel "heaps better for just getting it done."

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3. Self-love.

"A lot of self-love is my prescription to surviving isolation," one of my matches told me. I knew what he meant, but I wanted him to be explicit/spell it out. 

Define self-love, I asked. 

In his words, "It’s both the naughty one and the eat what you want, shower when you want, watch what you want, work when you want."

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Others took a less subtle approach (see below), with one even recommending making a purchase from an online sex store. Image: Supplied

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So, I made a date with myself. And because the theme was self-love, I wanted something LUXE. I skipped past the bigger sexual wellness players and found Lbdo, a female run company born out of Melbourne lockdown. How fitting.

Unlike other toys, Lbdo’s essential vibe is designed to stimulate multiple erogenous zones, meaning your pleasure is front and centre every time. 

Now you’ll have to take my word for it, but trust me, a night in with a device like this will not only leave you feeling... invigorated, but release all the right endorphins. 

Hot tip, if you decide to try this at home, which I highly recommend, set the mood like you would for date night. 

I’m talking lingerie, your favourite candle, a sexy playlist, the works. Seduce yourself and explore.  

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4. Indulge in a late-night dance party

This isn’t a new concept, but a highly underrated one. I’m not sure why more people don’t dance it out, but there’s something cathartic about putting on a 90s RnB track at 11pm at night and busting out your best and worst dance moves, no inhibitions – just pure soul.

Much like self-pleasure, dancing triggers our body to release endorphins, which help to reduce cortisol (a stress hormone). And let’s be honest, given the lockdown extension – we could all use a little more happiness and a lot less stress.

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5. Get a rise out of your flat mate.

Yep. You read that right. Confused? Me too. TBH, I’m not too sure why this came up as a suggestion, but it did... more than once.

I decided to enlist their help in how exactly to instigate my flat mate. Learn from a pro, right? And if you thought adding turmeric to your smoothies was original, then strap in... because boy do these take the cake: 

  • Make her dessert with yoghurt and berries but swap the base for mayonnaise. 

  • Before she gets to her washing, turn it into a Rapunzel-style ladder and drape it over the balcony. 

  • Next time she shops online, cover her entire bedroom with wrapping paper and let that be her iso gift.

  • Get out the shaving cream and cover her bathroom mirror.

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Hilarious suggestions from Matthew, but also a little concerning. 

And whilst I’m all for doing something for the sake of content, my flat mate is basically my best friend and my only form of social contact. So I think it’s safe to say, I won’t be feeding her pot brownies (also suggested by Matthew). Because for her sanity (and mine), we need each other to get through lockdown. 

If you do decide to go in for a cheap laugh and play one of the above pranks on your flat mate, family member or significant other, just remember I’m not responsible for the outcome. I’ll let Matthew take the fall for that. 

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And here’s a bonus one from me: 

6. Engage in some lockdown banter.

Don’t underestimate the power of talking to someone else who’s in the same life phase as you. From mild flirtation, long phone calls or even full-blown sexting now’s the time to engage your mind, however you choose. And this is coming from someone who’s skeptical about dating apps. 

But credit where credit’s due – they’ve really come through for me during this time.  

Even if nothing eventuates from my matches, the banter, suggestions, and swapping dating stories have really helped. 

And for that, I’m grateful.

So, to every guy I’ve spoken to, I have to say – thank you. 

Thank you for helping the time pass a little faster, making the days a little less monotonous, and for all the laughs. It’s made lockdown 2.0 a whole lot more entertaining. 

What are you doing to keep yourself entertained in lockdown? Share with us in the comment section below.

Feature Image: @alishabhojwani/Supplied/Mamamia

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