weddings

'My boyfriend suddenly got down on his knees and proposed. But then he showed me the ring.'

When a woman discovered her boyfriend of 10 years was planning to propose, she was understandably excited.

They already lived together and have a four-year-old daughter, and she had been waiting “forever” for him to propose.

Her sister had given her a heads up that it was coming by admitting he’d asked her for advice on the ring – complete with images from Tiffany for reference.

So far, so good said the anonymous woman, who shared her story on the subreddit Am I The Asshole (does that give away where this is going?).

She’d guessed that he would propose on their anniversary and was “really excited”.

Just got engaged? Need help planning your wedding? Mamamia’s wedding planning podcast Hitched is here to help… Post continues after podcast. 

“We went out for a romantic dinner, got back and when we were watching a movie he suddenly got down on his knees and asked me if I wanted to marry him,” she explained.

She said yes, of course, but then… she saw the ring.

“It was not even a new one. It looked old and the stones looked average at best,” she wrote. “When I asked him about that he told me that his mother gave him her ring. He told me that it had a great sentimental value since his father was the only man his mother ever truly loved and I’m the only woman he’ll ever love. His father is no more, and his mother gave it to him.”

She said that despite the sentimental value of the ring, she didn’t want her marriage to begin with a secondhand ring.

Her fiancé was upset when she brought this up and told her he didn’t think she could be so materialistic.

The woman didn’t share any images of the ring, so we’re not sure what exactly she’s dealing with, but after after asking Reddit if she was being unreasonable the general consensus is… heck yes.

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“That ring probably means more to him than you realise,” one user commented. “Maybe you can get it buffed and shine it up a little? Put yourself in his shoes, though. He was given a ring that symbolises the love of the two people two gave him life and raised him on that love. He wanted to give you it because he feels your relationship holds the same value as theirs. It’s an extremely kind gesture from both him and his mother.”

“This is more than a mere ‘second hand ring’. That ring was a symbol of the deepest kind of love that he knew outside of himself. A symbol of deep and abiding love that persists through death. A deeply precious rare item that was to be entrusted to you by both of them because they loved and accepted you too. Or did at least. Until you pissed all over it because it wasn’t a Tiffany ring,” said another.

Other users suggested the woman was allowed to feel disappointed by a ring that she felt didn’t represent her, but she could’ve handled it better.

“Sometimes people react negatively to disappointment. She expected one thing (a new Tiffany ring), and got something that, though sentimental, may not be very beautiful or look shiny. A lot of women hype up their expectations for their weddings and ring. Even though it’s not right, doesn’t make them terrible people,” one said.

Good ideas for how to ‘spruce up’ the ring, such as using the stone cut in a new setting or adding side stones, were suggested as a nice compromise.

After reading the comments the woman seemed to realise her mistake. She said her reaction was “the biggest f*ck up in my life” and that she would have to apologise and make amends.

Here’s hoping that conversation goes well.

Is it ever okay to say you don’t like your engagement ring? Tell us your thoughts in a comment. 

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