family

'For 30 years, I was made to feel worthless by family. So I ghosted them.'

Content warning: this post deals with abuse and might be triggering for some readers.

I spent the first 30 years of my life angry AF. I couldn’t find the right career. I was investing time in the wrong people and things. I was generally unhappy and had low self-esteem.

Then finally, age 40, I ghosted half of my family and friends.

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Growing up in a family being told I was a piece of shit by both of my parents on almost a daily basis resulted in one thing: I thought I was a piece of shit.

In adulthood, I found that I was living my life feeling lost, hopeless and worthless.

For years, I had been told the problems I had were because of me. That I needed to be fixed. That I was the problem. But what I discovered was that my reactions and feelings to what was going on around me were completely normal, given the things I had been through.

I learned that I wasn’t the problem, and it became clear that other people were. I was allowing toxic and selfish people to have too much of a say in my life. And the fact is, that they simply had no place being in it.

I am not a victim.

Yes – I was bullied and emotionally victimised by the people in my life who were supposed to protect and support me. Yes – I was called selfish, a bitch, crazy, ugly, fat, and many other things by those who should’ve said the opposite. But I am not a victim.

You only become a victim if something happens and it prevents you from moving forward in your life in a positive way. Although I have been a victim in the past, that is not my story today.

I am a survivor.

I am a survivor of childhood neglect, emotional abuse, alcoholism, and narcissism. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me sometimes to think about all of the things I feel I should have gotten that I didn’t get as far as the emotional support, unconditional love and acceptance from the people I loved and trusted. However, I am a survivor.

My life has been defined by a drive that has pushed me towards changing things and helping others despite the things I’ve been through. My past has helped me to challenge my life and push myself to make things better for me and the people I hold close to my heart.

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At first, it wasn’t easy.

In fact, I didn’t think I was going to make it. I spent a lot of time attracted to people and situations that were bad for me. And I attracted the same things into my life over and over again.

I had been repeatedly invalidated, exploited and humiliated as a young person growing up. My alcoholic, narcissistic, and very troubled family almost destroyed my life – literally.

What I noticed is that, in my adult life, I had attracted the same type of troubled narcissists who confirmed what I had been told from day one: that I was screwed up and that I was the problem.

Maybe it was a comfort to revisit the same situations over and over again. Being in relationships that were validating and kind were different for me, to be honest. But I got to a point where I couldn’t tolerate the things I had been through in my present day life. So I made a change and it made all the difference in the world.

I completely overhauled my life. I’m not sure what the final catalyst was, but it all finally hit me. I was allowing people into my life who had no business being there. Unfortunately, some of these people were family and long term friends. But they treated me like shit, so I just let go.

I ghosted half of my family and friends in a period of about three months. And I wouldn’t change one bit of it. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders just by pressing delete on Facebook and ‘block’ on my iPhone. It really was that easy.

Some people just don’t deserve your time.

I’m not saying go and ghost every other person who has upset you. But sadly there are people in the world who simply don’t deserve your time. These are the people who manipulate, put down and drain all of your energy. If your life is full of people like this, you won’t have room for all of the wonderful things that can happen.

With everything that I’ve been through and all that I’ve survived, I’ve still been able to have a successful and happy life. It’s been a blessing, knowing that so many people go through terrible things and it changes them in a negative way.

Miraculously, somewhere around the time that I ghosted half of my family and friends, the world opened up for me. I learned that you can’t have constant negative chatter AND have a good life. You really need to choose one or the other.

My life today is amazing. I’m planning my wedding. I’m the owner of a successful SEO agency and I’m a productive artist just beginning to establish myself.

My life is exactly the way I want it to be and I’ve created a lot of happiness. And it all started with ghosting the negativity. Who would’ve known?

Liz Roncevic is an aspiring writer, artist and entrepreneur set on being a positive force in the world.  She is the founder and owner of an SEO agency and is also an aspiring artist.

Feature image: Getty. 

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