"I still want it. Badly." The pain of trying to get pregnant in the midst of a pandemic.

The author of this post is known to Mamamia and has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

Another month. Another bloody period (pun intended).

Everyone who has ever tried for a baby will know this feeling. The cycle of gentle hope, looking for any changes in your body or signs that this time maybe it has happened, followed by disappointment, sadness and frustration to pair nicely with the usual period joys of hormone swings, cramps and sore boobs.

But you know what makes it harder? COVID-19 does. Because you can’t go and hug it out with a friend, or take your mind off the soul-crushing agony of another month not being pregnant with shopping, work, going to the gym or any other nice distractions.

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You also can’t go through IVF treatment right now as that is on hold. And is it ok to go to your GP when it isn’t coronavirus related? Are people panic buying tampons now? Or those ovulation pee stick test kits?

But also for me and my husband, like many, we’re down to one income thanks to COVID-19 job losses (and yes, we are grateful for that once income). So saving for IVF has gone out the window for a while anyway.

And besides, now maybe isn’t the time to get pregnant with all the uncertainty and no money. But I still want it. Badly. Am I allowed to say that?

Because the world may be on pause until this all blows over, but no one told my ovaries that.

I’m still getting older, and even though it seems we’re stuck on Groundhog Day, that pesky biological clock keeps ticking away.

It is hard to know how to feel. So instead I just… feel sad. And then feel bad for feeling sad because people are losing jobs and nurses and doctors are risking their lives and there are so many bigger things going in in the world right now.

But this is a big thing going on in my world. And on top of the anxiety that COVID-19 has brought us, there’s also anxiety that my body is broken and I’ll never be able to have a baby.

It’s a double whammy, and it isn’t fun.

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And to all the people saying, “Oooh there’s nothing else to do but have heaps of sex! I predict a COVID-19 baby boom!” I know it’s well-intentioned but also, please, stop it.

The point I am trying to make is, you can have perspective that people have it worse and there are bigger issues at play AND still feel incredibly sad and lonely at an individual level.

We need to have room for both without feeling bad about it. Because then it’s guilt topping off all the negative feelings, and we just don’t need that right now.

So for anyone in the same boat, please know you are seen, and I feel you, and you’re not alone.

The current situation around COVID-19 might be making you feel scared or uncertain. It’s okay to feel this way, but it’s also important to learn how to manage feelings of anxiety during this time. To download the free PDF: Anxiety & Coronavirus – How to Manage Feelings of Anxiety click here.

Feature Image: Getty.

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