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Ask anyone currently white-knuckling their way through the dating apps what they see popping up in the "we'll get along if" prompt.

Amidst the blurred photos of men holding babies that don't appear to be theirs and the inexplicable number of "enthusiastic amateur DJs," there are four little words that seem innocent enough at a glance.

They don't scream "run for the hills" immediately. But they should.

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Usually wedged between "enjoys an active lifestyle" and "you're easy going and drama free," you'll find the ultimate linguistic sleight of hand:

"Takes care of herself."

On the surface? Lovely. It's good to have high standards of hygiene. It would be ideal if we did our taxes on time, meal-prepped, and remembered our annual skin check.

But let's be real, we're not talking about SPF 50+ and a solid superannuation contribution here, are we?

In the upside-down world of modern dating, "takes care of herself" is a thinly veiled demand for a specific aesthetic.

It's the "get out of jail free" card for men to mandate thinness under the guise of "wellness."

It means hairless in the right places, curated makeup and a body type that fits into a very narrow, very specific box.

The "Health Shield" and the fear of being the "d**khead".

Psychologist Ayanthi De Silva told Mamamia this isn't just a preference, it's a performance.

"Shame motivates concealment," she noted, pointing out that by framing a physical demand as a "virtuous" preference for health, men are essentially managing their own reputations.

In short: they want a girl who looks a certain way, but they don't want the "bad person" label that comes with saying it out loud.

Exhibit A: The Love Is Blind "CrossFit" Defence.

Yes, this man, rejected this woman… over "crossfit"… Image: Netflix.

We are somehow ten seasons into Love Is Blind. I don't know how we got here either, but the water cooler chat this week is courtesy of 33-year-old military veteran, Chris.

In a scene that has since gone viral for all the wrong reasons, Chris tried to explain his lack of physical spark with his "fiancée", Jessica (a literal Physician, mind you).

"For me, to be totally honest, and without sounding like a f**king d**khead... I don't know how to say it," he began, looking exactly like a man who was about to sound like a f**ing d**khead.

"In the normal world, I date people who do CrossFit and s**t. Somebody who works out all the time and, like, has a different type of... I don't know."

We know, Chris. You mean a "different type" of body.

He eventually admitted it was "hard" for him to be "physically into it," complaining that he needed someone who "does f***ing Pilates every day."

The irony that he was essentially body-shaming an objectively stunning woman is almost beside the point.

By framing his preference as a "fitness requirement," he attempted to make his shallowness look like a hobby.

De Silva suggested these men view a partner as a representation of their own "brand" and values. "He likes how she makes him look to others," she said.

"The flip occurring demonstrates rigidity and impatience when physical attraction is low," she said.

"From an emotional maturity perspective, this reflects low self-awareness and a lack of patience for letting the connection simmer for a while before making the final call."

Exhibit B: The MAFS "Honesty" Policy.

Sir, there are no words for you, or too many… Just no. Image: Nine.

We're seeing the same script play out on the current season of Married At First Sight. Enter (a different) Chris, a 31-year-old construction advisor from Melbourne.

When listing his turn-offs, he skipped the coded language entirely and went for the jugular: "Fake tan, needy, and fat people."

Refreshing? No. Repulsive? Highly.

When pressed on his dealbreakers, he doubled down: "If I have a genuine interest in someone, they are going to be fit and healthy."

De Silva warned that a sudden, hyper-fixation on a partner's fitness is often a smoke screen for something deeper.

"It can be a form of self-protection to avoid a number of fears, the fear of vulnerability, rejection, inadequacy," she said.

"This is a safe defence strategy for someone who may fear their own insecurities being highlighted as emotional intimacy progresses."

The 8-minute swipe test.

For the sake of "journalism" (and because I clearly don't value my own peace of mind), I opened my dating app and spent precisely eight minutes swiping.

Here is a curated selection of what "taking care of yourself" and its related "red flag" phrases look like in the wild:

Sooo many green flags… Image: Annaliese's Hinge.

How to spot the weaponised "fitness" prompt.

So, how do we tell the difference between a man who genuinely wants to go for a bushwalk and a man who is using "fitness" as a weapon to boost their own shortcomings?

De Silva said the "data" is in his behaviour. "Research shows that the strongest predictor of a person's values is behavioural consistency.

"If a man claims to value a shared active hobby, and actually means it, you will witness investment and reciprocity."

"Does he encourage your practice in a way that makes you feel good?" she asked.

"If there are glaring contradictions, then it sounds like the 'preference' is being weaponised and is indicating his poor integrity."

The bottom line.

Fitness is about the way you move and feel.

Our bodies are complex, ever-changing masterpieces shaped by our history, and the beautiful seasons of life. Not a moral report card on how much we've 'optimised' our appearance.

De Silva's final advice is to use these coded phrases as a filter for your own sanity.

"Instead of trying to convince or debate them into changing their relational template, it is healthier to recognise these as signs of incompatibility and move towards those whose values and behaviours more naturally align with yours."

In other words? If he's hiding behind "takes care of herself" to justify his shallow standards, let him go find his gym buddy.

Feature Image: Nine/Netflix.

You can reach out to psychologist Ayanthi De Silva via The Indigo Project , a progressive online therapy practice with a carefully curated team of over 20 psychologists and counsellors.