As told to Ann DeGrey.

When I met Jeff*, we fell in love very quickly. That was okay by me at the time because I was pretty smitten. I'd heard stories about things moving too quickly in relationships being a massive red flag, but I didn't care.

He was incredibly gorgeous and had a very intense personality; he'd lock eyes with you and make you feel like you're the most amazing person he's ever met. He told me he loved me by the third date!

I'm thinking now that he was really love bombing me, sending me texts and calling me multiple times a day. I certainly wasn't complaining about it though, it was such a buzz for me at first. And he told me he'd never felt like this before. So I was blissfully happy at first.

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After just three months, he suggested I move in with him and that we were wasting time pretending we weren't already a real couple. I wasn't sure at first, but he wore me down with his love and promises that it would all work out.

At first, living together was great, but it wasn't long before he really changed and became suspicious of everything. If my phone buzzed with a message, he'd ask who it was. If I was late home from work, he wanted details about why I was late.

He became fixated on my ex-boyfriend, even though that relationship had ended two years before I met Jeff. He'd accuse me of still having feelings, or of secretly messaging him; this just wasn't true. But, no matter how many times I reassured him, he didn't believe me.

Our arguments almost always happened in the bedroom, late at night when I was tired and vulnerable. He'd start calmly, asking questions that didn't quite make sense, then slowly escalate where he'd accuse me of lying and hiding things. None of this was true. But, when I got upset, crying or raising my voice, he'd sit back and say, "See? This is what I'm talking about. You're unstable."

That word came up a lot and I wasn't sure why. Then, I started noticing something else too. During these arguments, Jeff would keep glancing up at the ceiling. Not constantly, just enough for me to notice. At first, I thought I was imagining it, but it kept happening. Every heated moment, his eyes flicked upward, then back to me.

Once, I asked him why he kept doing it. He laughed and said I was being paranoid. Then, I started to doubt myself. Maybe I was overreacting. He told me his friends were worried about me and they all thought I needed help. He told me one friend told me he didn't understand why he stayed with me. I didn't know any of his friends well enough to check because he kept that part of his life separate.

Then one afternoon, while Jeff was at work, I was cleaning the bedroom. I noticed something odd near the smoke detector, a black circle I hadn't noticed before. I stood on a chair to get a closer look, and knew it was a camera.

It was very small and angled towards the bed. I was absolutely stunned and that night I confronted him. At first, he tried to deny it but when I didn't back down, he was angry and said I'd violated his privacy by touching the camera.

Eventually, the truth came out in bits and pieces. He'd been filming me during our arguments and recording my reactions. He said he needed proof that I was unstable and that he wasn't the problem. Then he told me he'd been sharing the videos with his friends.

I later found out through his friend Natalie*, that Jeff had been telling people I had serious mental health issues and that I was volatile. He told everyone that he was trying to "manage" me. Natalie reached out to me because she felt very uncomfortable with what she'd been shown. In the video she saw us arguing but felt that Jeff was deliberately keeping his voice calm while I was angry and crying.

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She said the videos never showed what led up to my reactions, just the aftermath. Me crying and defending myself. He removed the context and controlled the narrative. I packed my things the next day while he was out and left him a long letter. I blocked him and thankfully never heard from him again. It took a long time to trust my own reality again. I needed to believe that my reactions were normal responses to being accused and provoked.

I never thought I'd be someone who could be gaslighted. I thought I was strong and very self-aware. But I know now that Jeff didn't love me, he wanted control, not emotional connection. I try not to think about him anymore but I'd be lying if I said this experience hasn't had a huge impact on me. I'm with a new man now and things are going well but, due to my time with Jeff, I feel I will always have a guard up and not entirely trust men.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Feature Image: Getty. (Stock image for illustrative purposes)