Excuse me.

The American Music Awards (AMAs) 2019 red carpet just happened and everyone is in fancy dress for reasons that have not been clearly stated.

Literally everyone – man, woman, rogue child without parental supervision – is dressed like a crazy person and I’m in the process of making a formal complaint to anyone who will listen.

There are actual imposters, handbags that are trolling us, shoes that deserve a hefty fine and a woman dressed as a sanitary pad. It's confronting and it must be discussed. Publicly.

So please behold the 7 red carpet moments that made me - a person who knows precisely nothing about fashion or music or fashion at music award shows - gasp in horror.

Kesha (allegedly)

As lovely as it is for you to be here ma'am, you are not, by any stretch of the imagination, the real Kesha.

Which is fine. But it would seem you are claiming to be her which is silly given you have completely different hair and/or style.

Watch: Taylor Swift's accepts the Artist of the Decade award at the AMAs. Post continues after video. 

I will never understand the fashion decision to match your shoes to your tights to your jacket to the point where everything clashes, but honestly, Kesha imposter, you keep owning that confusing aesthetic.

Tyra Banks

At first glance, it appears Tyra Banks has strategically worn a plain outfit in order to draw sufficient attention to her face, which is throwing shade at an unknown source.

However, upon second inspection, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE WEARING.

WHY IS THERE A MEASURING TAPE ON YOUR HAT. DID YOUR STYLIST ACCIDENTALLY LEAVE IT ON THERE Y/N.

Relatedly, I enjoy that Tyra forgot a shirt but did remember gloves.

Lizzo

Lizzo's appropriately sized handbag is the single greatest thing that has ever happened to a red carpet and I shan't hear otherwise.

Nothing, in the history of this specific red carpet, has ever given me so much joy.

Let's just bow our heads and take a minute:

WHY IS IT SO SMALL WHAT IS IT MEANT TO HOLD - A SINGLE PIECE OF GUM? A TIC TAC? WHAT?

I can't, it just makes me so happy.

Lil Nas X

You sir, are a highlighter.

I believe in my soul that when you walk you leave behind a trail of fluoro green but only on important things so as to HIGHLIGHT them.

Cool.

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera can do no wrong and will always be beautiful no matter what they say, but she’s also dressed as a sanitary pad (with wings).

Yes, the shoulder pads are the wings and yes they look like they'd stick to the sides of my undies but not particularly well.

The contrast of her giant pad costume against the red carpet is striking and I don't understand any of it.

Billie Eilish

Okay.

This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen but okay.

Look, sometimes we dress head to toe in Burberry but also wear a beekeepers hat and/or knight headwear.

It means that we can be considered high fashion while simultaneously not being stung by bees and not being speared in the face in a duel.

It's practical and comfortable and most importantly, safe from violence.

Her sleeves also look like they'd protect her from impending shark attacks so that's a bonus.

I'll take three.

Daniel Levy

I don't know who you are, Mr Daniel, but your shoes were most definitely not invited to this exclusive event.

They're rude and aggressive and make me uncomfortable.

I don't like how they match your weird coat but also your blue pants, and how you seem to be smirking as if to say: wot u think of my shoes.

THEY'RE AWFUL, SIR.

THEY ALSO LOOK DIRTY WHICH IS DISTURBING BECAUSE IT IMPLIES THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN WORN FOR MORE THAN ONE OCCASION.

And with that, I am done.