PSA: a blonde named Zelda is taking partners hostage all over Australia.

There have been startling reports of men and women trapped in their lounge rooms, bodies hunched, eyebrows bunched, fingers desperately mashing.

“Zelda…” they mutter as they ignore your question of what they want for dinner, whether they did that thing you asked, and your entire existence.

They want to save Zelda, but who is she and why does your significant other have an almost encyclopedic knowledge of her kidnap history?

These are the questions one woman loudly asked her friends at the bar I was at last week.

Her boyfriend was meant to join them but had "decided to stay home and play" instead. Apparently he had "decided to take a sick day" to play that week, too. I tried not to eavesdrop but I've also never been one to turn down a free show.

The woman stood up from the table, thrust her hands into the air and shouted in mimicry, "Buttt BAYYYBE, HAVE YOU SEEN THE HORSE?!"

Her friends burst into a Greek chorus of:

"That's me!"

"My HUSBAND!"

"My SON!"

Well, guess what: I know her. I know Zelda. I have been saving that chick for years.

Zelda is the blonde Hyrulean princess who features in the latest installment of the Zelda gaming universe, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

She's smart, pretty and if she were real, we'd all be single.

The latest game, played on the new Nintendo Switch console, was released almost two weeks ago to great fanfare.

So much so that despite the game being sold everywhere, copies remains largely sold out.

Gamers are hungry for it. Hungry enough to not just buy the game, that retails for around $80, but the new $500 console that's needed to play it.

If your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/partner is currently hunched over a glowing screen and talking about hot shark men (look it up), know that you are not alone.

There are many of us who are just as annoyed, just as ignored and just as ditched for Zelda.

Now that you have all this alone time, why not use it to watch the shows we recommend this week?