"How yoga helped me love my bigger body."

by Mamamia Team May 27, 2015

I remember vividly the moment my ballet teacher said, “Rachel, you have no grace.” I was eight, embarrassed, but not surprised.

When I looked at my ballet classmates, I knew the painful truth: my body didn’t look like theirs.

So with my less-graceful body, I went down the athletic road, diving into two seasons of soccer a year and basketball in the winter. Despite an active life, weight from an early age became my problem.

By the age of 12, I was already seeing a nutritionist who insisted I track everything I ate. I was afraid to write “ water ” down — was I even allowed to have that?

Rachel Estapa (Image via Instagram/Rachelestapa)

After a few months with little change despite following a regimented plan, I remember my father saying, "Rachie, you don't need to worry about all this, OK? Just keep moving."

All through my teen years, I played active sports, and my body type was more suited to the rough-and-tumble they required.

On the field, I was a rock. It was one of the only places I felt my larger body did me well. But off the field, I just wanted to feel graceful.

For years I looked at yoga with curiosity, but reservation. Ingrained was my shame of being too stocky, too big, for the more refined arts. (Post continues after gallery.)

5 yoga poses that'll fix your dodgy back

Legs up wall

This pose has a multitude of benefits for your mind and body. If you suffer from arteritis, headaches, high blood pressure or insomnia, the legs up move can be therapeutic. It can also relieve lower back pain and tired or cramped legs, and ease the symptoms of PMS, menstrual cramps and menopause. Added benefit: itll give you an energy boost and help ease anxiety and stress.

Puppy pose

The Puppy pose (best name ever) does great things for your upper body. Itll expand your chest, improve flexibility in your spine, and relieve any tension in your upper arms, shoulders and neck. It also stretches out your abdominals, opens your hips and stretches your hamstring. In terms of wellbeing, doing the Puppy pose will calm your mind and relieve symptoms of chronic stress, tensions and insomnia.

Corpse pose

It sounds morbid, but the corpse pose is the ultimate relaxation pose and will rejuvenate your body and mind. It can physically relax you, help to lower blood pressure, and reduce the symptoms of headaches, fatigue and insomnia. The pose can also calm your brain and help to ease stress and mild depression.

Standing forward fold

This pose positions your head below your heart, so straight away the rush of blood to your head will give you a big boost of oxygen. This has some great results - it can help to ease feelings of nervousness, stress, anxiety, depressions and fatigue, and relieve symptoms of asthma, menopause, headaches and insomnia. Physically, it stretches your hips, hamstrings and calves, keeps your spine strong and flexible, and strengthens your thighs and knees.

My first yoga class was terrible. I couldn't keep up, I slipped my hands off the mat, I felt exhausted, and I certainly didn't experience a shred of grace. But I returned, week after week.

Despite echoes of ballet class, of embarrassment, something deeper inside began to emerge: maybe I just needed to make yoga work for my body, not the other way around.

I was often the largest woman in the room, but off the mat, I was welcoming in my own revolution of body acceptance. I decided to feel more committed to my own well-being than to a number on a scale. As I went deeper into yoga, I went deeper into the connection with my body.

Today, yoga is one of the only times during the day where I'm completely attuned to the present moment. I move with power, dynamism, strength, and intention - I allow my body to lead and flow naturally, gracefully. I rest at the end peacefully and a bit more whole than when I arrived.

Through practicing yoga in a bigger body, I found not just grace but poise, calm, strength, compassion, empathy, humour, resilience, community, and hope. Every time I step onto my mat, I practice the more important grace of loving and accepting.

"Every time I step onto my mat, I practice the more important grace of loving and accepting." (Image via Instagram/Rachelestapa)

Yoga isn't some fad for me or a way to stay fit. Yoga is my personal space -- it's sacred to me. It's where I've learned what Rachel's version of grace means, and I carry that knowledge with me even off the mat.

I'm a big yogini, and a gracefully powerful one too.

Why do you love yoga?

Lena Dunham tries acro yoga

This article was originally posted on Huffington Post . Read the original article here.

Rachel Estapa, founder of More to Love, works to educate and empower plus size women to apply body acceptance to their daily lives. She is a certified life coach, writer, body-positive activist, social entrepreneur, and was recently named one of the Best New Faces With Big Ideas by the Boston Globe. In June, she is studying at the renown Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health. To learn more, visit