Forget watching a comedy show – if you want a laugh just head to Trip Advisor.
As well as being an essential travel planning tool, the travel review site also filled with absolute gold.
The best reviews? The ones that rate the establishments ‘poor’ or ‘terrible’. Case in point…
1. “There was poo in the kettle….”
“Do not stay in this absolute dump of a hotel and I use the term ‘hotel’ very loosely,” wrote one reviewer in 2011.
“I cannot convey strongly enough how disgusting this place is blood stained headboards that have clearly been up since the world war (the first one), rude staff, windows that won’t close, no hot water, broken furniture, dirty utensils, broken light fixings and actual poo in the kettle.
“Pretty sure I’m going to end up with some sort of rash/disease due to sanitation conditions similar to those of a homeless crack head. In summary, this place is a complete hole.”
You heard the man.
Listen: It can happen to the best of us. Post continues after audio.
While no-one wants to end up in a “hotel” like that, there’s no denying the experience is hilarious to hear about – providing it doesn’t happen to you.
Here are some of other so bad they’re good (really good) worst hotel reviews from the site.
2. When even the owner hates being there.
“The owner kept trying to sell me the hotel and asked if I knew anyone in England who would buy it,” one reviewer wrote.
3. “I found a cat’s paw in my pillow case”.
“This is by far the worst place I’ve stayed in. I found a cats paw in my pillow case. Also had chest of drawers with no drawers in them, a cupboard with no back, a double bed the size of a hammock made of concrete,” wrote one disgruntled traveller.
“Communal toilets with no locks. Our neighbour lived in it had TV on all day and nite [sic] and didn’t close the door. It should be named Alcatraz.”
4. When you have to fart to keep warm...
"The heating didn't work. It was blowing cold air all night, even though I got up twice to turn it off, it somehow turned itself back on. We both felt ill when we woke up," wrote one reviewer of a Manchester hotel.
"Even my high volume of bodily gases was not enough to fill the room with sufficient heat. I purposely aimed to release as much methane as possible just to get one over the hotel but it must have been absorbed by the curtains."
5. Someone's bean here before...
"We didn't like this hotel. We got a really bad service, we found a bean in the room and when we noticed [sic] that to the personal they were laughing in front of us, so we got really angry."
6. "If buildings could speak, this one would be screaming 'Run Away'.
"Don't be fooled by the relative cheapness and proximity to St Pancras, this so called 'hotel' is in fact some sort of large scale psychological experiment about human suffering and gullibility," this guest wrote of his London stay.
"The sheets on the bed looked like they had enjoyed a long career in a particularly messy and degrading part of the adult film industry. If there is an opposite to memory foam (amnesia foam?) that is what the bed was made of."
7. Blame Stalin..
"Beds are solid tvs don't work and windows haven't been cleaned since the days of Stalin," wrote a one-time guest of this Krakow establishment.
8. Say no more...
"To sum it up, on my last day I slipped on a used condom and tore my hamstring. Sickening! For the sake of yourself, your family, your friends, and your sanity. DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER GOING!!!." said another reviewer of the same place.
9. They probably do deserve a medal.
"We dared to ask for a drink one minute after her shift finished and wow did we pay for this. She was very rude and quite clearly looking for a fight with customers who are spending a lot of money," wrote one reviewer of a hotel in the UK.
"We said to her that our group had booked five bedrooms with the hotel and had spent a lot of money and her response was 'What do you want, a medal?'"
10. All's well that ends well.
"This is not a lie a man had went and pooed on the floor in the kids play room. On the plus side the staff were so nice and kind," wrote BarryLafferty.