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A group of disgruntled flight attendants on the worst things people do on planes.

“Everyone knows what is  going on under the blanket.”

You know that frustrating passenger on flights? The person who continually asks the flight attendant to turn down the air conditioning, even when they’ve politely explained four times it’s out of their control?

It could be you or it could be the annoying dude man-spreading next to you, either way this type of petulance has not gone unnoticed.

The flight attendants see you. They know you. They remember you.

And now, they’re calling you out online.

A group of disgruntled flight attendants have found their way onto this Reddit thread to answer this one simple question:  “Flight attendants of Reddit, what do passengers do that you hate?”

For the love of God, don’t be “took too many Xanax guy”.

The thread attracted both flight attendants and frequent flyers alike — and you know what? People sure do suck.

So it’s time to give something back. It’s time to put in a little effort for for those impeccably groomed and impossibly patient lads and ladies who put up with your shit all flight long.

We’ve read the thread and here are nine simple take-aways to stop you from being “that guy”. You’re welcome.

1. To anyone wanting to join the mile high club.

Just don’t. Just cause you’re not as unsubtle as Ralph Fiennes does not mean your kanoodling has not gone unnoticed.

As one flight attendant points out: “Everyone knows what’s going on under the blanket.”

Oh yes. They’re on to you.

 

2. For parents.

This little rule of thumb applies in the air as much as it does on the ground: No one likes your kids as much as you do.

“The floor under your seat is not a diaper bin (yes, actually found one there). I am not a babysitter (yes I was told this once by a mother with a child that was entirely out of control – you know when they board with wearing snow boots in the summer you’re in trouble.) The seat back/tray table is not a coloring book. The lavatory is not a tree house. I could go on and on..”

3. To the people with body odour.

You know who you are.

“If you plan to travel in a sealed tube with hundreds of other people, please check that your body odour does not burn the eyes of fellow travellers. Seriously, how hard is it to spray a little deodorant before/between flights?”

4. To the people at the security check.

“How about the people that are going through security like its their first time on a plane? ‘What do you mean I cant bring this half a bottle of Jack Daniels?’ ‘How was I supposed to know you can’t take weapons on the plane?’ ‘It’s just a harmless gas canister.'”

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There is a list you can read. BEFORE you get to the security check.

5. To the people needing a little extra TLC.

It’s cool, sometimes you just need a fifth G&T in a can. But don’t be a dick when you’re trying to grab the attendant’s attention.

1) Definitely don’t click at them: “I really hate it when passengers snap their fingers to get their attention.”

And 2) for the love of God don’t poke them, you’re not on Facebook.

“Poke me/pull on my uniform to get my attention. Who does that? I have gotten into the habit of poking back before I ask what can I help them with.”

WERE THESE PEOPLE RAISED BY WOLVES?!

6. To the people who act like five year-olds on a road trip.

Also, asking “are we there yet?” will not get you there any faster.

“People who ask, ‘where are we now?’. How the fuck should I know, you have the screen right in front of you, look it up yourself. One time I called up the pilots and asked for the coordinates and wrote it down and gave it to the passenger.”

And NO ONE wants it to take longer than it needs to.

“We don’t get paid when the main cabin door is open. So delays hurt us too. Plus, I just want to get to the overnight and have a beer. I don’t want to get stuck with you either.”

7. To people who are sick.

This one is from one passenger to another. Basically if you’re sick, keep it to yourself. We’ve all seen Contagion.

“I was sitting next to a guy from NYC to SFO (6 hours) and early into the flight he rips a piece off of the magazine, twists it into a stick and preceded to put it up his nose to make himself sneeze. Repeatedly.”

Omg. Just let me off please.

8. To people with too many bags.

“Carry on ≠ Carry all” and the limit does exist.

Wrong.

9. To people with a fear of flying.

One final thing… Being scared of flying is totally understandable, but remember this one simple tip for dealing with your an: “Xanax and alcohol? Not a great combo.”

Lest you become Kristen Wiig.

The flight attendants have spoken.

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