By: Chris Armstrong for Divorced Moms.
Relationship advice can be about how we get the head and the heart working together to forge a path. In this, it’s thoughtful, realistic and above all, helpful. Alternatively, it can be about hip, trendy and eye-catching phrases like “5 Ways to Make Him Fall For You In 1 Hour!” This and other ‘like’ advice makes love an easily achievable target that can come and go with just a few words and actions. This is not realistic, nor helpful.
Before I go all-in with the worst pieces of relationship advice you will ever see, here is some real advice that sets the stage:
Love isn’t something that you’re in; it’s something that you do. It is about actions and words that are sincere, enduring and reciprocated.
Love is either authentic or non-existent, nothing more or nothing less.
Love is neither created nor destroyed by little things; only strengthened or damaged by them.
You must love yourself first.
You must balance the head and the heart.
You teach people how to treat you.
Accept only what you need and nothing less.
And now, the bad advice list:
1. Leaving laundry on the floor and other relationship killers: Relationships are neither created nor killed by little things; only strengthened or damaged by them.
2. If you love somebody, set them free: If you love somebody, you hold onto them unless the love is not reciprocated or other extenuating circumstances arise. Don’t play games.
3. Distance will make the heart grow fonder: Whatever amount of time you want to spend with someone is exactly how much time you should spend with them. Be who you are. Don’t play games.
4. Care too little, you'll lose them. Care too much, you'll get hurt: Care your heart out and be who you are. If you’ll lose them or get hurt, the relationship is not healthy and it’s not about you. Again, don’t play games.
5. Relationships should be 50/50: No, they should be 100/100. Both people should give 100%.
6. Always put your children first in a relationship: No, it should be spouse 1 and children 1A. If you take care of your spouse and they take care of you, the children will never know or feel like they are 1A, I guarantee it.
7. It was love at first sight: Love does not come or go based on sight alone. We know this.
8. This can save your marriage: No single thing can save your marriage.
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9. This can make them love you: No single thing can make someone love you, nor should you want to do anything to make someone love you. Their love should be authentic and initiated by them!
10. This can win them back: Do you want advice about how to win someone back if they do not want to be with you? Their desire to be back with you should be authentic and initiated by them!
11. This can prevent them from cheating: Do you really want advice on things to do or say to prevent someone from cheating on you? Should you have to take steps to ensure you’re not cheated on? Of course not.
12. The heart wants what it wants so just go with it: You must balance the head and the heart.
13. Time heals all wounds: Time, understanding, perspective, self-reflection and a host of other things can heal all wounds.
14. Find someone that will complete you: You must love yourself first and find someone that will complement you. If someone must complete you, you are not ready for a relationship.
15. Be realistic. You can't expect that (men won't cheat), (love won't fade a little), etc.: No, accept what you need and nothing less. If we are to be ‘realistic’ and accept things, things would never change.
This post originally appeared on Divorced Moms.
Do you have any relationship advice to add?