Lovely, but not. You know?
Before I even begin the list of all lists, I want to make two things clear.
Having a wedding and getting married is lovely and beautiful and memorable and every kind of wonderful.
Falling pregnant and having a baby is lovely and beautiful and memorable and every kind of wonderful.
But let’s be truthful here for a minute. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes there’s a little rain. THAT is what I am acknowledging here.
Brides and preggers…you’ll get me.
1. Everyone tries to rip you off.
The same rule applies to a wedding as it does to baby. Mention either word and the price will go up. A lot.
Yes, you will also definitely, absolutely need that one pricey thing. If you don’t have it, everything will be ruined. Or so they say.
2. Everyone wants to be in the spotlight. But no one wants to clean up at the end.
Brides and mums-to-be, you will be inundated with requests to have a special role. But don’t worry, when the crowd’s gone and the photos are on Instagram, it will just be you. Either in your dress, or with your baby.
3. You hear from strangers.
Oh com'on, don't you remember your most favourite family member?
4. You're expected to know everything.
Duh, of course the wedding cake costs more than your wedding dress. And yes, all those things that happen when you are pregnant are totally normal. God, don't you know this stuff?
Like these 10 things that everyone wishes they knew before they became parents. Post continues after the video...
5. Everyone will know more than you.
But, in my opinion, you should do insert x, y and z... (officially your least favourite words).
6. You'll feel an immense pressure to do everything different.
Because weddings and babies happen ALL THE TIME. You NEED to stand out. Warning: you may half kill yourself trying to think of an original idea.
7. Everyone will judge you for your choices.
From hair-up or hair-down, to the amount of coffee you are drinking while pregnant. You will be judged. Yes, everyone will tell you exactly what they think.
8. Interstate and overseas people will want to be there for your magical memory. And stay at your home.
But don't worry, it will be like they "aren't even there". Except they will expect three meals a day, clean towels and to come with you to every appointment. Plus sparkling water with a wedge of lemon, please.
9. Everyone wants to know all the details.
Where are you having the wedding? What names are you thinking for the baby? And if you want to keep anything, I mean anything, to yourself, it will become a game of "let's see if we can guess it".
10. It will consume your weekend.
Who knew table decorations could take four weekends to organise, purchase and glue together? And who thought a nursery took so much work?
11. Until the day, you will be known as bride or preggers.
No one will care about anything you say that is not related to your wedding/pregnancy. You officially have no other interests except for the wedding/pregnancy.
12. Your in-laws and parents will be watching who you get to do what. Very very closely.
God help you if either one has a slightly more elevated role or slightly more special duty.
13. You will worry about upsetting people.
But also just want to do it your way. It's your bloody day...isn't it?
14. You'll wish it was here already.
15. You'll freak out the very next day that you are one day closer.
16. Your appearance will be scrutinised.
Let's be clear about the hard line rules. If you are a bride, you're expected to lose a lot of weight but not enough to make others feel bad about them not losing weight. If you are pregnant, you don't want to be too small (you're not feeding that baby enough) or too big (it's eating for two, not six). Anything outside of this...beware.
17. Your lovely friends and family will want to throw you the best Hen's night/baby shower ever.
The only problem is they will throw one that they love/want. Most likely, will not be what you want.
18. Despite a wedding registry/asking you what you need for the baby, people will just buy you want they want to buy you.
Guaranteed it will not be your style or what you want. But you will still send a thank you note for the bowl with the naked people on it.
19. By the time the big day comes, you'll wish everyone just buggered off.
20. Guests/Visitors will make the day about them.
"I forgot to tell you I was gluten-free, can you please ask the chef to change it for me. I don't want to seem like I'm a bother."
"Yeah, visiting hours don't really work for me, so I'm just going to come at 9:30pm. You'll still be awake then, right?"
21. Everyone will want to share your news before you can.
It is a race to see who can post a photo of the bride walking down the aisle/cuddling the newborn first. You will come last.
22. You may have wedding/baby regret years later.
When you go to someone's wedding and love the hanging flower wall...or when you see someone's clever and cute baby announcement on Facebook..."I wished we thought of that".
Which one resonated with you the most?
CLICK THROUGH the gallery for everything happening from Week 1 to Week 18 in your pregnancy.
Want more? Try: