As a relationship coach and a female human, I’ve read so much dating advice directed at women. I’ve found that too many can be damaging, sexist, or easily misinterpreted.
If you’re a woman who’s newly dating, young, or just need a reality check, here is the advice you should roll your eyes at:
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1. “They’re only being mean because they like you.”
I was probably nine when someone first advised me on the “ways of love”. I had a crush on a neighbour boy named Evan who frequently kicked me on the playground.
I didn’t understand why he’d sometimes be so mean to me. Then a teacher told me: “He’s only mean because he likes you, Tara!”
My eyes lit up with understanding. S**ttiness equals love.
Ugh. Could there be anything more ruinous than telling a young girl that? Anything more likely to set her up for spending a lifetime of putting up with nonsense from unkind people?
If someone likes you, they should ONLY show it with kindness. Never take unkindness or disrespect as a sign that someone likes you.
2. “Give them a chance, even if you’re not interested.”
This advice assumes that you don’t know what you want, but if you went on a date with that (boring/rude/unattractive, etc.) person, you might find exactly what you were looking for.
Sometimes we are surprised. We get to know someone more and realise that we’d overlooked or underestimated them.
But I’m sure you know what you don’t want.
If you have no interest in someone, you don’t have to give them a chance just because someone told you that you should.
It would actually be kinder if you didn’t, so they didn’t get their hopes up.
3. “Love takes work.”
I mention this advice because it can so often be grossly misinterpreted.
Healthy relationships do take work, which often includes a lot of communication and compromise, but your relationship should make your life better overall.