weddings

Behold: The worst best man speeches of all time. (And you thought the MAFS one was bad…)

Last night Australia lost a tiny part of its collective soul watching the best man speech at Mick and Jessika’s Married at First Sight wedding.

Mick’s best man ‘Broxy’ gave the most cringe speech during the reception which succeeded in royally p*ssing off the bride, the bride’s dad and the bride’s scary brother.

If your soul hadn’t shrivelled enough already, here’s a quick recap of Broxy’s speech:

“We went up to Airlie beach. Just for a couple of drinks and ah, we’ve drunk the whole bar dry.

“Just me and him, and ah, Mick’s gone to me, ‘I’m going to take some Viagra.’ So he’s taken the Viagra as a bit of a gee up. He’s raring at everything but nothin’s coming at him.

“Obviously the Viagra’s worked and I’m asleep and I’ve woken up and I can hear some noises.

“Open me eyes and he’s made himself a bloody tent over himself and he’s having a go…

“‘Jesus mate, bloody hell! How many times you done this?’ Broxy continues.”At least five. He’s finished ‘him’ and we’re all safe.”

via GIPHY

Watch the awkward speech again here. Go on. You know you want to. Post continues after video.

But talking about taking Viagra and masturbating in front of your best mate aside, we think we might’ve found some best man speeches which are even worse than Broxy’s.

Behold:

1. The kebab shop meeting turned threesome.

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2. Friends who watch porn together.

“I went to a wedding where the best man referenced how much porn he and the groom watched together over the course of their friendship.

“It wasn’t a one-time thing, either. He mentioned it a couple of times in passing at the top of his speech, and then he circled back and expanded upon it in the back half of the speech.

“I would say it became one of two or three overall themes of his five-minute toast, none of which involved the bride. That was… Well, it was something to see.” – aceintheblue

3. The detail you should never (ever) bring up.

“At a wedding I went to recently, during his speech the best man went off on a super awkward tangent about how he lost his virginity to the bride and how he never would have guessed she’d end up with his best friend (the groom).” – grapejam

4. Second time lucky.

5. Never talk about pooping your pants. Y’know, as a rule.

“Best man got pretty lit before the speech and goes off-script and tells a lighthearted funny story about how the groom bet him $20 he wouldn’t sh*t his pants at the strip club while he was getting a lap dance. Long story short, he did sh*t his pants, and then one of the groomsman took his mic away in a move straight out of Old School.” – thesarcasmic

6. The worst best man speech

And this one from Twitter user @_drane takes the wedding cake for worst (and most tone-deaf) best man speech. Ever:

“Years back my mate’s Dad had a heart attack 3 days before wedding so couldn’t give her away on the day. The best man said ‘sorry Ray can’t be here but that’s the way it goes’. The entire top table burst out crying.”

*Shudder*

What’s the worst wedding speech you’ve ever heard? Let us know in the comments. 

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