‘Tis the season for work Christmas parties, which, paradoxically, are your chance to both impress your employer and enjoy some hard earned bevvies with your workmates.
The trick is finding the balance. And pacing yourself.
To help you nail it this year, we’ve put together a handy survival guide to get you from first vino to final over the top cocktail, with your dignity (mostly) intact.
Step 1: Look your best, you’re a bloody professional.
I think we’re all familiar with the old adage “dress to impress”, being off the clock is no excuse for looking like a slob.
Your work Christmas party is the perfect opportunity to floor your colleagues with your impeccable grooming, flawless table manners and perfectly quaffed hair.
Step 2: Get drunk, not too drunk.
Having a few drinks will calm your nerves, increase your confidence and have you feeling like a 10/10 babe. That’s just science.
Make sure you take it slow though, this is a marathon, not a sprint and no one wants to be the drunk guy at the Chrissy party.
Step 3: Pick a buddy.
Pair up. Choose wisely though, you’re looking for a partner in crime that’s going to have your back for the whole day.
They need stamina, just the right amount of snark and absolutely no other plans.
Step 4: Pack your phone charger.
Your smart phone is your ticket out of there. It’s your Uber home. It’s your post-party hook up.
It’s you selfie-taker. It’s your memory maker. How else will you capture that blurry group shot? Or the embarrassing piccy of your new buddy?
Keep it close. Keep it charged.
Step 5: ~Network~
The Christmas party is a great time to bond with your colleagues without the pressure of deadlines and sobriety.
You’ll discover your shared love of Justin Bieber, talk heartbreaks and hotties, get animated about politics, tell each other how great you are and come out the other side with an unbelievable headache and warm fuzzy feeling to carry you into the new year.
Step 6: Play a drinking game.
Drink every time your boss says “it’s been a big year”, “each and everyone of you”, “can’t thank you enough”, “do you want another beer?” whatever, you’ll work it out.
Step 7: Is your boss gone? I lied when I said “not too drunk”. Get p*ssed while the tab is still going. You’ve earned it.
It really has been a big year, you’ve worked hard and there’s a bar tab. Go for it.
To be honest, you’re probably already drunk, so make the most of it.
Step 8: Resist sexting your loved ones.
Whatever your workmates tell you, sending a series of eggplant emoji-laden texts to your significant other may not be the best idea.
Just kidding, it’s a great idea. I hope you got laid.
Step 9: Have an exit strategy.
Don’t leave too early, lest you miss all the inevitable (and hilarious) hijinks that sure to take place.
That said, know when to cut your losses. A good rule of thumb: don’t go to the second venue.
Step 10: Regret nothing.
Everything you did was perfect. Never, under any circumstances, reflect on any of it or discuss it at work on Monday.