Ah, Christmas parties. That time of year where an open bar plus work colleagues plus end of year burnout – equals a recipe for disaster.
Fact: If your employer books your party Monday through to Wednesday, they’re definitely worried about what shenanigans you’ll get up to.
You have to earn a Friday night. Earn it.
Things Aussies never say at Christmas. Post continues after video.
So while you’re all nursing sore heads, or perhaps feeling a bit embarrassed for getting a little too loose at a Wednesday night open bar, we’re here to help.
We’ve rounded up some Christmas party stuff-ups, both past and present, to make you feel better.
- I texted my hotel room number to somebody I worked with at the end of the night. No reply, blue ticked.
- I hooked up with a guy in the middle of the dance floor at our work Christmas party. Literally everyone I knew at work saw us. It was mortifying. I hid at work on the Monday morning, but by 11am the manager next to me was like ‘alright, your hiding is over’ and everyone was like ‘WOOOO’. They even rang the bell they chime when someone makes a big sale.
- At my first office Christmas party I thought I would be sneaky and bring a flask of vodka in my purse. I was sitting next to my boss at the Christmas lunch and continued to tell her the company will never leave the startup phase as it’s too pretentious and only represents the views of white women in the city. She forgave me the next day after I apologised a lot but it was my drunk thoughts that made me realise I should probably quit as the company didn’t align with my values.
- Met my new boss at a work Christmas party. He’d flown in from the UK where he’d been previously based. I was already a few wines in when he arrived, and I then went on to slur all the office gossip to him about all the people in the room. Realising I was potentially ruining my career in that moment, I went out the front of the bar and threw up on the pavement. My finest moment.
- A colleague and I were politely asked by security to leave the marina (the bar we worked at was in a marina), for trying to have sex on a boat that wasn’t ours.
- I know a girl who tried to choke our head of digital at the last place I worked.
- I had a colleague who got so drunk at a work party PRE DRINKS. One hour in she vomited all over herself and her new team (she’d only been working there a week) who carried her outside. She rolled herself up in a bunch of garbage bags and passed out.
- I broke up a full punching fight between a coordinator and a senior guy at my Christmas party. The coordinator got fired… he was trying to ‘defend a girl he thought the senior guy was hitting on’ but he wasn’t hitting on her, they were just good friends.
- We had our Christmas party at a local sailing club. After taking advantage of the open bar, we decided to kick on at a nightclub. It wasn’t until we got to the nightclub that we noticed that one of our workmates was missing. We asked around and no one from our work had seen him for the past 40 minutes. His partner was starting to stress and we tried calling him but his phone was off. Because Alex’s partner wasn’t from our area, he had no where to stay that night and didn’t know where to go, so our general manager ended up having to pay for a hotel room for Alex’s partner for the night. It wasn’t until the next morning, around 10am, that we found out what happened to Alex. It turned out he’d gone a bit too hard on the open bar and when he went to the bathroom, decided that a lie down would be a good idea. He passed out on a bench in the bathroom and when the staff were cleaning up for the night, they locked the bathroom doors. So he was stuck and had to spend the night sleeping in the men’s bathroom of the sailing club until a staff member came the next morning and opened the doors.
- I worked in a department store and was secretly seeing a guy from the electronics department. We used to hang out quite a bit but no one else at work knew. He came late to our Christmas party and by the time he arrived I was already a few too many wines deep. Long story short, we ended up pashing on the dance floor and it became very, very obvious what was going on. Thankfully someone from the men’s clothing department got into a huge fight with the boss that night so it took the spotlight off us.
- My friend disappeared from the Christmas party for a while. She told me later that she hooked up with one of the business owners who has two children and a wife.
- I was new and bought my boss a six pack of craft beers as a gift and gave them to him the day of the Christmas party. Turns out he was gluten intolerant but since he isn’t “allergic” – just intolerant – he drank one anyway. Later we all did an Amazing Race style event around our city. We had to climb a significant tower, and he got to the top and was so sick from the beer and running that he threw up on the way back down. Oops.
- My friend got with a guy that was dressed as a chicken and by the time she left the party (to go home with him) she was the one wearing the chicken suit. She came in the next day in the same clothes (previous outfit, not chicken suit). What a legend.
- I managed to excuse myself from the party in time, but vomited in the footwell of the taxi on the way home. I thought I was ‘silently’ vomiting, but my driver most definitely knew. I promptly fell asleep so he couldn’t chuck me out and had to literally shake me awake at my destination. The next day I had an extremely busy work day and had to pretend that I was fine. I kept running to the bathroom in between meetings.
- One of my friends shimmied so hard on the dance floor her spaghetti straps broke and she flashed everyone, including the head of training and our regional manager.
If you’re yet to attend yours, consider this your warning – tread carefully. *CRINGE*
What’s your most embarrassing work Christmas party moment? Let us know in the comments below.