Everything kicks off with a Cardi B backing track, which has me in a poppy, peppy mood... until I remember I am about to sit through 52 minutes of complete and utter chaos.
I'm watching Wife Swap, and the first lady-wife-lady has appeared on screen and she's straddling a yacht.
"I take photos of myself everyday. I have about 80,000 followers on Instagram. My world is 'selfie world'."
And she's not telling porkies, as the next shot is of her taking a self timer picture whilst posing in her child's cot.
Selfie Mum has two 'don't see, don't hear' kids which I won't attempt to remember their names because it is blatantly obvious that they will not be uttering a word this entire episode.
The lady-wife-lady that Selfie Mum will be swapping with is Sheree who describes herself as a "no frills" mum who has many kids and many more grandkids who all live at home, who she cooks for and cleans up after on the daily. For this reason, she will henceforth be referred to as Servant Mum.
The two get shipped to their new homes, and Selfie Mum, we have one question for you: Did you think through these shoes?