If you haven’t been unfriended or blocked on Facebook, then you’re not doing social media right. Still, each time I’ve been disassociated from in the land of Facebook, I’m left wondering what I did wrong. I know I’m not alone in this. Being unfriended can be pretty traumatic. There’s nothing quite like looking up someone’s name on Facebook, thinking you’re friends, only to be met with the “Add Friend” button. I’ve compiled a list of reasons that go through one’s mind when you realise you are no longer “friends” with someone online.
1. They hate you.
The person who unfriended you hates your guts. They have decided that you are not a good person and therefore they do not want to associate with you… virtually. You suck at life and they know. They know you once cheated at UNO in the seventh grade and they’re not impressed. If you know the person in real life (IRL if you want to get fancy), this is even more traumatic. What if you see them on the street? FUCK!
2. You offended them.
You said something offensive to them. What was it? There you go putting your foot in your mouth again. You shouldn’t have talked about politics, religion, race, or gluten. It must have been that joke you made about gluten-free cookies tasting like cardboard. That’s offensive, right? You have too many opinions on things and you aren’t silent about them because it’s the Internet, but this time it cost you a “friend.”
3. They’re no longer on Facebook.
This is the best outcome, because it means you didn’t do shit wrong. Hallelujah, it’s not my fault. I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings or piss them off. The person doesn’t exist on Facebook anymore so they don’t hate you. They hate Facebook. Everything is fine!
4. You are boring.
Please don’t let it be this one. Maybe my posts aren’t entertaining enough. I share too many cat pictures or selfies? It’s probably the selfies. I know I’m funny though. They haven’t given me a chance. They obviously don’t have a sense of humor.