rogue

Why is President Donald Trump so orange? An investigation.

This week The New York Times published an investigation of epic proportions.

It’s February – winter in the Northern Hemisphere, and Washington D.C is certainly not tropical.

But as seasons (and chief of staffs) change, one thing has remained constant: President Donald Trump’s sunbed-kissed skin.

This ~orange hue~ has long been a source of speculation. Why is he that colour? HOW is he that colour?

But now, we finally have the answer. Straight from the White House – or at least, an anonymous administration official. Thank you, NY Times:

The official line from the White House, as with other matters surrounding the president’s physical health and appearance, is that Mr. Trump’s glow is the result of “good genes,” according to a senior administration official who would speak only on the condition of anonymity.

And, O.K., a little powder — a translucent one, not a bronzer — which the president applies himself before television appearances, the official said.

Oh. Wait.

“Good genes.”

That… is objectively not true. We have eyes (as does Trump – and his tan is curiously absent from the area around them).

In fact, we have a few theories that are 110% more likely reasons for the president’s ‘glow’.

  • He uses a tanning bed, a lot, and gets spray tans – this is the most likely scenario, given the circles around his eyes match the exact spot you’d wear goggles. Curious. But get this: The NYTimes investigation spoke to three insiders who each said there was no tanning bed or spray tan booths in the White House (or on Air Force One, for that matter). We hope a follow-up investigation on where he hides them is on its way.
  • Trump eats too many carrots. Though his fast-food heavy diet hinders this theory.
  • He uses tanning creams, gels, foams, etc, EVERYDAY (not the gradual ones!! Trump doesn’t do gradual!!).
  • It’s all a conspiracy and every news organisation and photographer on earth is turning up the saturation levels on him.
  • He bathes in Fanta. I’m really sorry for that imagery.
  • He is in fact descended from a long-line of Oompa Loompas. I swear, if he dyed his hair green…
  • The tan actually does him a favour and therefore, he must keep it forever.

  • Oh… Maybe ‘Good Genes’ is a brand of tanning products. Imported from Russia. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Take your pick.

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