I’ve always been incredibly hard on myself.
With an internal monologue something along the lines of: “You look like shit today” or “you idiot” or “you suck at that stuff”.
It’s like reporting to a boss who is never satisfied with your best efforts.
But then I fell pregnant and that inner voice dramatically changed.
There was no self-help book or therapy sessions, I just made a conscious decision to be kind to myself because there was a baby growing inside me.
I had this odd idea that my son, who I nicknamed Pedro, could hear my thoughts – or at least understand the general vibe of being me. I had no choice but to make my internal soundtrack happier.
It still blows my mind that humans create other humans and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be allowed to do that myself. Little old me was growing a human.
Making my body a positive and inhabitable place for Pedro was my very first parental responsibility. This was serious.
Pedro sucks his thumb. Image supplied.
I ended up with a dream pregnancy, I was fat and happy and super nice to myself because I had a little baby friend that came everywhere with me, every day.
Pedro made me see my inner world afresh.
After nine months of having positive and encouraging conversations with myself, I gave birth to some healthy self-acceptance as well as a bouncing baby boy.
My journey into motherhood was profound because of it. I gave birth to a son and a brand new relationship with myself.
My heart was open and for the first time in my adult life I was truly content.
Charlie, a few days old, babbles with his Grandmother. Post continues after video.