My boyfriend and I have vanilla sex, and you know what? I like that flavour.
Figuratively (and in some instances literally), we’ve tried to add sprinkles, chocolate syrup and whipped cream, but we always go to the basics to finish.
Don’t get me wrong, these add-ons can be fun, interesting, usually funny, sometimes awkward. But they never have the same impact as vanilla. They’re never our flavor.
Maybe we’re just doing it wrong. Maybe the readers of ‘Cosmo’ are more flexible than we are. Or maybe we’re lucky we’ve acknowledged that vanilla is our special flavour. At least in bed.
Outside of the bedroom, we’re wide open to experimenting. We’ll try moshing to ‘Municipal Waste’ with sneakers at eye level as someone crowd surfs. We’re open to eating goat and octopus and even bugs. We’re open to swinging 30 feet in the air only to drop into water from a rope swing. But in our intimate moments? We always choose vanilla.
I feel like people - typically women - always feel so anxious about sex. Like it's a performance, and in order for anyone to have a good time you have to entertain a viewer.
Now, I don't know about you, but most of us aren't on screens when we're lying in bed. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, if that's your choice.) The reality is, most of us are at home in PJs at the end of a long day, just looking for a connection. When we start to feel anxious that our sex life is 'in a rut' or more about 'boreplay' than 'foreplay,' we instantly lose that connection.