You tell yourself she only wants to help. You tell yourself she is only trying to be kind. You tell yourself that she just wants what is best for her grandkids …..and yet you can’t help yourself.
She has a nerve.
How do you get along with your mother-in-law? Are you one of those unusual cases who feel they couldn’t function without her or are you the gritting teeth, holding back, secretly whispering a mantra type.
She’ll go soon. She’ll go soon. She’ll go soon.
About half the women described the mother-in-law-daughter in-law relationship as "hostile" or "difficult" Via IStock.
The daughter-in-law/mother-in-law relationship is one fraught with complications from the start but when you have children these seem to multiply and complicate.
In fact most women seem to have a fairly innocuous relationship with their mother-in-law until they have children.
According to the parenting website Netmums, one in four daughters-in-law actually “despise” their mother-in-law finding her “controlling.” The site found that the daughter-in-law’s resentment stemmed from the mother-in-law thinking that she was the authority on parenting and parenting skills.
In a study by the University of Cambridge two-thirds of daughters-in-law expressed the belief that their partner's mother is guilty of "unreasonably jealous maternal love".
Dr Terri Apter, who conducted the study, said that about half the women described the mother-in-law-daughter in-law relationship as "hostile" or "difficult" with more than half of older women feeling "tense, uneasy and uncomfortable" with their daughter-in-law.
Two-thirds say they are excluded by her.
But these figures aren‘t anything new, back in 1954, a study showed that even then only one in four women liked her mother-in-law.
One in four. Thats a whole lota hatred.
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We’ve heard the tales, the interfering, the judging, that totally annoying habit she has of treating her son like he is still in primary school. The tendency to take over her grandkids lives and impose "her way".
But in fact, in many cases it is a two way street.
Complaints about daughters-in-law on the popular chat site “Gransnet” rage. From mothers-in-law who feel displaced to mothers-in-law who disapprove of the woman they feel displaced by.
One “Grandnet” user complains about the daughters-in-law who just “sit about on Facebook” while the men (their husbands) do “all the work including changing the sheets and washing and dry[sic] the girls clothes.”
Others feel excluded and like a second tier part of the family:
“My DL is totally possessive with my son and doesn’t like him to visit us or my other son for more than 45 minutes she has a very insecure nature and sees us as a threat although none of us are. At the same time she spends full days with her family.”
My DL is totally possessive with my son and doesn’t like him to visit us or my other son for more than 45 minutes. Via IStock.
And more are in this vein; blaming the maternal granny “I do feel that at times mothers of daughters can be very insensitive to the needs of the other grandparents. They could if they wished help their daughters to be more sensitive to their husbands need to have his family included. It is very difficult for husbands to insist on this.”
But complaints from daughters-in-law are just as plentiful. Take a look at this selection from Mothering.com: