real life

"There was so much passion." 5 men share why they cheat on their long term partners.

Why do people cheat?

That is a question regularly asked – and answered – by the Reddit community across a number of different subreddits, and the results are fascinating.

Each thread gets a range of varying responses, showing there’s no one reason why a person strays, so we’ve pulled together a few interesting ones below:

The ‘dead bedroom’.

There’s actually an entire subreddit dedicated to ‘dead bedrooms’, otherwise known as a sexless relationship. It makes for pretty sad reading, and there are many threads about the pros and cons of straying.

“Despite being in a deadbedroom for roughly seven years, I have always thought I was above cheating. I have been cheated on, I have witnessed the fallout of my stepfather cheating on my mother, and I am the product of infidelity, so cheating almost seems to be in my nature,” wrote user myangryalt.

“Recently I was out at a bar with a friend of mine who happens to be an amazingly fun person while also being drop dead gorgeous. After quite a few drinks on both sides our inconsequential and non-sexual conversation culminated in me asking her, ‘Well, what do you want?’. She stared at me for a period of time that was probably way shorter than it seemed, she very unexpectedly grabbed me by the back of my head and pulled me in and we made out for a bit.”

“There was so much passion, I haven’t made out with a girl like that since high school. Things moved beyond that, not full on sex, but a line was definitely crossed and I know I betrayed my wife. I never thought anything like this would happen between me and my friend despite me fantasising about her in the back of my mind.”

As revenge for being cheated on.

Revenge is also a pretty common theme. ‘An eye for an eye’ and all that. User vigpounder stuck to his word, sharing his story on an Ask Reddit thread.

“I caught her cheating. I told her the next time I was going to start cheating. Well, there was a next time and I’m a man of my word. Yeah, it wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship.”


Well, at least Throwaway_scoundrel is self-aware.

“I get into semi-serious relationships and maintain them for as long as I am able to because I enjoy the intimacy that goes along with such a relationship. Unfortunately, long periods of monogamy leave me sexually unsatisfied and I will cheat to satisfy my own selfish needs. The affairs mean nothing to me emotionally, but sexually, I am completely unsatisfied without them,” the user wrote in his own thread requesting help.

“I was in love once before, but callously destroyed it. I recently rejected someone I started to fall for rather than hurt them. That decision left me bitter and her confused, broken and angry. I’ve tried therapy, but have only come to realise that I am addicted to infidelity and like any addict I can try to stay the course, but there is never any guarantee.”


“If I continue my life exactly how it is now, I will continue to leave behind a burning trail of ruined relationships and broken hearts. It seems unsustainable and ultimately unsatisfying in the long run.”

The poster then went on to ask for advice on how to break this cycle and have a successful relationship. Respondents suggested polyamory and a therapist, and a few other uh… less understanding options.

Long distance loneliness.

A user, who has since deleted their account, said on another Ask Reddit thread they cheated because long distance relationships can get lonely.

“Long distance relationship. I was not the most caring or appreciative partner. Went out with friends. Very sexually aggressive girl came onto me. Went home with her,” they wrote.

“Felt awful afterwards. Confessed to everything even though I easily could have avoided being caught. Tried to salvage the relationship but it just didn’t work. Considering how terrible it made me feel and how much pain I caused someone else, I don’t think I’d do it again.”

Yay for learning lessons.

Sex addiction.

Sex addiction is real and serious psychological disorder, and in his post Throwaway1616113 swears he wasn’t self diagnosed.

“It started really small, I’d flirt with people when I was with my SO. Her former marriage was open and we’d agreed that our relationship should be, too. In three years, I had one disclosed liaison with her knowledge. Between kids and work neither of us had time for anything else. Then it snowballed into stuff via text, Skype, and finally Craigslist meet ups,” he answered on an Ask Reddit thread.

“Fast forward a few years and into the next few relationships. I still do all of these things. And it doesn’t matter who it is, could be a woman, a man, or masturbating so much that I’m sore or miss appointments. I’m going to be sick until I decide I want to get better. And I do, because I know that I am never going to have a normal relationship until I can fix myself. All I can say in my defence is that I can’t help myself when the moment strikes.”

He said he knows he has the ability to correct it, “but I don’t know if I want to get better just yet”.

Have you ever cheated? Tell us why in the comments section below.