lifestyle

Dear Sam, It doesn't matter who you choose tonight.

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Not unless you sort this out first.

Dear Sam,

You have a big decision to make tonight. Whether you choose Sasha or Michael, it seems like you will be picking a guy who is completely and utterly into you, which is a terrific start for any romance.

But there is a more pressing issue than who you choose.

Sam Frost.

Last night you opened up to Sasha and confessed that you worry “just you” isn’t enough.

“My biggest fear is that when all of this is over, it is just me. I don’t have nice things. I am in a place in my life where I have worked really hard but I’m still just me.”

Sam, ‘just you’ is enough. ‘Just you’ is all you will ever be and all you can ever offer anyone.

I cheered last night when Sasha answered your concerns.

“At the end of the day if you don’t have someone in your life to share it with, those material things don’t matter. As long as you have each other you can build things. At the end of the day I am here for you,” he said.

Sam and Sasha last night.

And while I practically high-fived the TV screen as he said those words, I also worried. He can say that with every ounce of sincerity in the world, day after day, but if you don’t believe it, it won’t matter. It will fall on deaf ears.

At the end of the day, no one can convince us of something we don’t believe ourselves.

Accepting that you are enough isn’t easy, but neither is accepting you are not enough.

If you believe you are not enough, you will almost will it to be true. If you expect to disappoint someone, you will. If you believe you are not lovable or worthy, you will render yourself unlovable and unworthy.

So here’s the thing, Sam. You are enough. You are worthy. You are not enough and worthy because Sasha and Michael both think so, though they certainly do. You are enough and worthy, full stop. Irrespective of who you are with. On your own. As you are.

Having your heart broken is brutal and unnerving but it does not make you unlovable. It makes you human.

All of us have cause to question our self-worth at different times to different degrees. Whether it’s being rejected from a job we desperately want, being snubbed by a friend or being dumped by someone we love, all of us occasion bruises in the course of ours lives. All of us are tempted, from time to time, to insulate ourselves from the real world. And occasionally we succumb. We wrap ourselves in a doona lest we are ever hurt by anyone ever again.

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And as heavenly and necessary as that is, from time to time, it’s not a sustainable, long-term solution. Not if you want to give life a proper shot, like I sense you do.

Who Sam chooses on the Bachelorette
Will it be Michael or Sasha? Image via YouTube

There are no guarantees in life anymore than there are guarantees in love. Sam, tonight might be the start of a relationship that spans your lifetime or it might be the start of a relationship that doesn’t last.

That will be determined by whatever cards life presents you with along the way. Life will throw you cards that you can’t control. But one card you can control is what you believe you deserve.

If you hold onto the card and continue to believe you are not enough, you will not be enough.

Take a look through this year’s contestants:

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