Note: This article is satirical.
A lot of people have a lot of things to say about what women should do with their ovaries and when – and it’s very important we listen to all of them.
You see, the Australian Fertility Coalition state that your chances of getting pregnant without IVF begins to decrease at 32.
From age 35, that decline speeds up.
By 40, your fertility has fallen by more than half, and your risk of having a miscarriage is greater than your chance of having a live birth. Your chances of having a baby with genetic abnormalities or birth defects also increase with age.
If you’re a woman under the age of 32, I guess you should have a baby… immediately.
Make that 30.
According to researchers at St Andrews and Edinburgh universities, 30 is the “upper limit” for women to conceive easily, as they have retained 12 per cent of the eggs they once had.
Add into the mix that it’s (thankfully) illegal to have sex with someone under the age of 16, which narrows the window to 14 years.
Oh. But it gets more complicated.
You’re at school until you’re 18, and we’re always being yelled at about ‘teen pregnancy’ because of health risks, including premature birth, low birth weight, high blood pressure, higher rates of infant mortality and anaemia. And then there are the socio-economic ramifications, with research indicating that teen pregnancy increases the risk of child poverty and lowers the likelihood of girls’ completing their education.
We don’t want that.
And then there’s the fact that the average age Australians move out of home is 23, so if a woman wants some independence… or isn’t too thrilled with the idea of waking an entire household up with the sound of a crying baby – you can cut another six years.
But that’s okay! We’ve still got a whole seven years which is LOTS.