“Why did I stay for all of those years?”
I married for the third time in October 2001. I met him on a blind date the year before. He was tall, dark, handsome and every inch of me was in love with this man. He said all the right things, made all the right moves and lord did he smell good. I wasn’t looking to get married again. I had just split from my ex – in fact I stood him up on our wedding day (but that’s another story).
Needless to say I was a skittish about another permanent relationship. We had moved in together 6 months after we met, yet I was shocked and taken back when he asked me to marry him. What if it didn’t work out? We had five kids between us, what if I were to move not only myself but my three kids and my dog? It was a lot on my mind. But, it did work out and we felt comfortable living together. Then it all started to fall apart a few years later.
We moved from the first house we lived in to one in the country. It was cheaper rent, not as much traffic and had a basement. After we moved I started to see a lot of changes in the man I married. He was a sexual person, he needed it on a regular basis. We went from having sex almost every night to seldom having it at all, and weeks would go by when he wouldn't even look at me. We slept in the same bed every night and he would say good night. No kiss, nothing. Talk about cold shoulder!
He started to get angry with every word I said. I felt as though I could do no right in his eyes. My eldest daughter was graduating from high school that spring so I thought maybe it was just me and the stress involved with that. Then I saw the mobile phone bill - I was shocked to see a number on there that he had called almost 300 minutes in one month. He hated talking on the phone to people.
I decided to approach him about it and he told me it was a couple that he built a house for. He said they had three kids and no one to hang out with. He asked me if it was okay for them to become friends with us and he started describing them. I noticed after the conversation he wouldn't mention the husband's name, only the wife's. He asked me if they could meet us out at the local sports bar where his band played.
The entire situation seemed strange from the start. The wife called my husband's personal mobile to tell him that she, a friend and her husband were right down the street at another bar but they would be there soon. When she walked in with her friend, my husband, who was the most non social person you would ever meet, jumped from his chair and hugged her.