Being in love is brilliant but even if I met the man of my dreams right now, there’s no way in hell I’d get into a relationship.
When a woman says she doesn’t want a relationship, why don’t people believe her? Every time I say it, all I get is skepticism. The assumption tends to be that I’m wounded or trying to play it cool.
It’s especially confusing for people when I say I still want to date. A woman who wants to date casually without secretly planning to trap a man in a relationship?
My male friends, on the other hand, get away with this statement without a shrug of the shoulders – something about being cavemen and their prerogative to spread their seed. I’ve been asked if I’m disillusioned with love, but I can honestly say I’ve only had wonderful experiences. My parents are mad about each other and have been together over 30 years, my grandparents over 50. Yes I’ve been heartbroken but I’ve played pivotal roles in those situations, so I don’t resent love (anymore).
Maybe I don’t want anyone to get in they way of my career? Well I’m certainly driven but I’ve learnt it’s not the only thing that will satisfy me. No, the reasons I don’t want a relationship are far more considered than that.
Six reasons I want to stay single right now…
1. I want to know myself first.
I figure if I take the time to understand who I am, then I’ll be better equipped to navigate a relationship. What makes me difficult to live with? How do I treat those closest to me when I’m distressed? What do I want for my life and what do I need from a partner? Perhaps I need someone who wants to be a stay at home Dad, or a man with a lust for travel and adventure. If I can’t answer these questions just yet, then I’m no use to anyone.
2. I want to be a great partner.
I’ve been in a relationship where I didn’t know myself. And I felt I couldn’t move forward because of it. My gut was telling me I would never give my partner what he required because I simply didn’t have the tools. I’d rather not get into that situation again. I want to be the kind of partner who offers strength, kindness and is a source of stability, not uncertainty.