Is this incredibly awkward situation a question of etiquette or a public health risk?

Welcome to ‘What Would You Do?’, the space on Mamamia where you can contact me with your problems about anything and everything and ask me, well, what I would do. Consider it my selfless Oprah-esque gift to all of humanity. You’re welcome.

But be warned, I’m not one to beat around the bush. I tell it like it is. I call ‘em like I see ‘em. I’m a straight shooter. Cliche cliche etc etc sassy advice cliche.

Let’s get into it:

Dear Rosie,

I was buying something at a shop the other day and the girl behind the counter was dabbing at her bleeding lip. I was concerned that she’d hurt herself so I gestured to her lip and asked if she was OK. “Yeah, just terrible cold sores,” she replied. I tried hard to not recoil but it was difficult because I was in the process of handing her my credit card which she was taking with the same hand that had been touching her lip.

My question, Rosie, is this. I am very sympathetic towards people who suffer from cold sores but when you work in the service industry and your lips are bleeding, should you really be serving people and touching things?

Yours, Freaked Out.

PS – will I catch herpes now?

First of all, regarding every word I just read:

Okay, now we can begin.

To answer your ‘PS’ question: Yes, you are infected. In fact, I wiped down my keyboard immediately after reading your email, that’s how serious this is.

You know those bright yellow plastic bags that have the word ‘HAZARDOUS’ written across them a million times in big, black, ominous letters? That is where you need to put your credit card. Right now. There’s also probably some kind of hotline you can call to request that a group of experienced scientists in hazmat suits come and take the bag away. I think they get rid of that kind of hazardous waste by throwing it in a place that nobody cares about anymore – like the Big Brother House. Or the Great Barrier Reef.

Now, I am a very knowledgable science individual, so I’m in a place where I can explain how the transfer of germs actually works. Bear with me – I’m going to make this as simple as I can, but it still might be a little hard to follow:

That girl touched her infected lip, then your credit card, then you touched your credit card, thereby infecting you. This is SCIENCE people. It’s the same basic premise as getting pregnant by sitting on a toilet seat. I had quite a few pregnancy scares that way when I was a 15-year-old virgin – thankfully, they all turned out to be food babies. But I’ve heard about a bunch of girls getting pregnant, who were all definitely virgins, so the toilet seat transfer of sperm is the only possible explanation.

I think that’s what you’d call (*arrogant hair swish*) ‘irrefutable evidence’.

This is how I know that you are infected. SCIENCE says so.

It sucks that this girl had a (gulp) blood-seeping cold sore. But you should’ve used it as an opportunity to make science fun! You should have sat her down and explained how the transfer of germs works, using my extremely helpful ‘just like how you can get knocked up by a toilet seat’ analogy.

But because you didn’t explain any of that to her, not only will this poor woman continue spreading her infection, she’ll also probably end up pregnant with a toilet seat sperm baby. And I’m fairly certain that’s one of the many things that got cut from this year’s budget.

So, yeah. You missed a teaching moment. You’re kind of screwed now I guess.

You probably shouldn’t have taken that credit card back.

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If you want Rosie’s advice on something, email her at rosie@mamamia.com.au and put “What would you do?” in the subject line. Of course it will all be completely anonymous. And she’ll only judge you behind your back.