Warning: This post deals with miscarriage and might be triggering for some readers.
Several months ago, my friend told me she had a miscarriage.
She was holding back tears and after she told me about her miscarriage, she fell silent.
It was my turn to speak. I had no experience comforting someone who has had a miscarriage. None of my friends have ever fallen pregnant, let alone lost a baby, so this was new territory for me.
I started with “I’m so sorry to hear that.” But then I kept going. “Well, on the only bright side at least you’re young and know you can fall pregnant, that’s a good thing.”
I’m pretty sure I blurred out the rest of the conversation because I was embarrassed at the unhelpful sh*t that came out my mouth. I just couldn’t stop talking. Not because I felt I was an expert on the topic and must give my two cents, but because she looked so sad and was so quiet, I wanted to do and say anything that could help. And well, my dribble did neither of those things.
Watch: Mia Freedman talks to Tina Arena about miscarriage. Post continues after video.
Top Comments
Some great advice here. I think I've mentioned this here before, but I had someone tell me that I probably miscarried because it was summer, and drinking too many cold drinks shocks your body. Still possibly the stupidest thing anyone has ever said to me.
On the subject of announcing your pregnancy to someone who has miscarried, in my experience it was easier if it didn't come as a complete shock. If I knew that a friend was trying for a baby, I was able to prepare myself a little bit. If you don't want to tell them you're trying - which is perfectly fine - don't do the big 'surprise, I'm pregnant!' thing to them. (I speak from experience on that one.)
We had to terminate our little one for medical reasons which was incredibly traumatic.
One of the girls at work was pregnant at the same time as me. She is very quiet and a bit awkward.
After about a week of me being back at work she took me aside and gave me a box of chocolates (looking very flustered as she did) and said “I’m so sorry I didn’t know what to say but I’m so sorry”.
It was the sweetest, most lovely gesture in the world for someone who I know did not know what to do.
I guess my point is - you don’t have to know what to say and there are no magic words. But the acknowledgement was so sweet and loving and I really appreciated it.